I was out fishing one day and couldn't understand why a boat I saw just kept getting bigger and bigger...

Then it hit me.

https://kbin.social/m/[email protected]orld/t/144275

Remember: The early bird gets the worm...

Personally I prefer to sleep in until there's waffles.

https://kbin.social/m/[email protected]orld/t/139957

People are always astounded to learn I have a police record...

But I love their greatest hits.

https://kbin.social/m/[email protected]orld/t/138098

After having it stuck in my head for days, my wife finally shouted "for the love of God will you stop singing Wonderwall by Oasis?!?..."

I said Maybe!

https://kbin.social/m/[email protected]orld/t/134215

Why are jokes about elevators always so good?

They work on so many levels.

https://kbin.social/m/[email protected]orld/t/132724