I've been checking out my ceiling a LOT lately, for some unknown reason.... Anyway, I think it's rather well made.

I mean, it's no Sisteen Chapel, but it's up there.
#DadJokes4Days

The shaker of Italian Seasoning exploded in my face when I tried to open it.

So now I'm parsley blind in one eye.
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The spread of COVID-19 is based on two factors:

1. How dense the population is.
2. How dense the population is.
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Q: What do you call fights among famous entertainers?

A: Star Wars!
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RT @[email protected]

When did "flatten the curve so we don't overwhelm our hospitals" turn into "once the curve is flat, even then don't leave your house and then we can make a virus that's gone global disappear"?

🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/ThomasEWoods/status/1250210018676355072

RT @[email protected]

For everyone who wants the government to centrally plan when and how the economy reopens, isn't it clear they have no plan at all?

They don't even have a bad plan.

🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/checkmatestate/status/1249795260743421952

My longtime Romanian friend, Sylvan, got back in touch with me; as it turns out, he was, and now physically is, a she.

So now I call her Transylvania.
#DadJokes4Days

I feel like the worst sort of trendsetter.

RT @[email protected]

So, is it too soon to start trending
#HarveyWeinsteinDidNotKillHimself yet? (SPOILERS)

🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/black_meph/status/1227999883887407104

My wife is worried for her dad's family in this time. I told her her uncle's super protected.

Because his wife has aunty bodies.
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