despite it all i have been eating regularly since last august which is easily the longest run i’ve had for eating regularly. many of my chronic health problems have eased bc naturally they were exacerbated by not eating any food.

and i am wildly deeply in love in a way that feels like home. despite the horrors, the bleak aspects of the future, i feel like im more able to do each day because i am not doing it all alone, and i feel so understood. genuinely world shifting love here fellas

people around me seem to be grieving in much more normal ways, like wanting to die and being unable to bear the emotional pain of the loss. and i’m here stressed about spreadsheets or whatever.

it doesn’t really stress me out to have this atypical manifestation of grief, just is weird to not share experiences with fellow mourners.

every death is different and i think siblings are weird - my grief isn’t my parents grief or my other brother’s, ykno