30 minutes later, I'm still out of @ImprobableIsland . I can feel the darkness closing in. My finger twitches across the trackpad, directing my cursor towards Amazon and certain credit card doom.

I wail, "Help me, stay my fickle hand!" but there is no CMJ to hear my cry. With no Island to keep me busy, nothing can stop me from finally buying all those things that will fill the void in my soul, the black hole that comes with losing contact with other nerds on the internet...