https://www.autostraddle.com/18-pickle-recipes-for-trans-women-and-the-people-who-love-them-374939/

step 1: make space on countertop by moving aside the half-eaten jars of pickles and bulk packages of bottled and sparkling water

step 2: grab the mason jars from the very top shelf

step 3: pee break. ponder "huh, been married to a short 'lesbian, except for this one guy' hottie for over a decade, everything makes sense now"