Meanwhile, I'm out walking the dog a short time ago and there's an unopened can of food just laying in the grass. About 15 minutes later, I get a text from neighbor saying that the homeless woman got into a verbal altercation with another neighbor because she walked up to him while he was outside playing catch with his kids and asked if she could borrow a can opener. He said no. Then called the city.

Way to go fuckwit. Also, nice example to set. Not!

Naturally, he's a tech bro.

Wife: "You know, he's under no obligation to give her a can opener."

Me: "No, but he could be less of a prick."

Wife: "But he's out there with his little kids."

Me: "She didn't ask to eat a kid."

Kid: "You know, Dad has a good point there."

Me: "If cans had existed at the time of the old testament, I bet some kid would be doing their Bar Mitvah speech about loaning strangers a can opener."

Wife: "Ok, you can stop now."

Me: "Jesus would have lent an opener. And Gandhi."