This taught my siblings that as long as they didn't cross certain lines, I was always to blame for being "oversensitive." They didn't need to be considerate of me. I needed to learn not to react emotionally to anything they did.

They learned that I did not deserve consideration & that I would be punished for expecting it.

Meanwhile, I didn't even want them punished or shamed for their behavior! I just wanted them to stop saying hurtful things or bossing me around & to apologize when they did.

For the most part it's not that it was extremely severe bullying. It was almost entirely little things that stayed under the radar & didn't cross certain lines.

They basically had the right to hurt me as long as they did it in small ways. They certainly learned they did not have to consider how I would feel about something. I would either go along with them or be punished for not doing so.

I've never given much thought to how my parents choices in punishing me impacted how my siblings perceived me & what they learned to consider acceptable, but I can see now that my parents punishing me for meltdowns & emotional reactions came back around to teach them that what they were doing was ok.

If it wasn't ok, then why was I being punished for being upset about it?

Still, I've carried a lot of pain with me & struggled through horrible self-esteem issues, but I wouldn't trade places with them for the world!

I would not wish to have "learned" the lesson they did, that consideration for the feelings of others is inconsequential.

My parents did them a great disservice by teaching them that. I'd much rather be me. That sucked, but knowing the pain of not receiving consideration & kindness helped me become someone who offers them freely to others.