alarmingly large glaceon girl ๐god the girl in my head is so funny. heads up, detective pierce logan, fediverse p.i., is colouring my perception of this place going forward forever
Pierce wiped the sweat from his brow as he flagged down a cab. The air was as hot and wet as un-cwed slimegirl porn on the FTL, but he could already feel the lead slipping through his fingers. 30 days after a suspension, a user's information is wiped, and admins this side of town weren't exactly known for their daily backups.
unfortunately nothing i could ever write would be as funny as pierce noting to amy that most of his clients are broads with legs that go way higher up
infinite love โดณPierce lit a cigar and loaded ink into his fountain pen. He'd never liked computers for this kind of thing. Too impersonal.
{"@context":, he began. "https://www.w3.org/ns/activitystreams",
Pierce raced through the archive, post after post, index cards spilling to the ground as he compared snowflake IDs. It wasn't there. The trail had gone cold.
It couldn't be possible. He hadn't been suspended; no, the AUTHORIZED_FETCH setting would have made that abundantly clear. Had he missed a DELETE? Was the database modified?
"Looking for this, Logan?"
The detective spun on a dime, holding his trilby in place with one hand and drawing his sharpshooter. "You know, most people call me Pierce."
The mysterious figure in the doorway, silhouetted by the hallway light, enjoyed a hearty chuckle. "Come now, detective. We both know you haven't the guts to fire that. We know what happened the last time you did."
The detective's eyes widened. He remembered it with perfect clarity. Stalking the alleys of bofa.lol, headstrong and cocky, a mistake he could never take back. He could still feel the weight of the suspended user in his arms, his tears masked only by the rain. He swore an oath that day.
The man in the doorway flipped open a lighter. "It's very simple, detective. I have something you want. And I believe you have something of mine."
Things were different now. This was bigger than both of them.
Pierce fired two shots. The lighter fell to the ground, igniting a few stray index cards, while the post in the man's hand was blown out into the hallway. In the confusion, he raced towards the figure, stomping out the flame and delivering a right hook that left his nemesis barely conscious, slumping to the ground.
"You knew a different Detective Logan." He snatched the post out of the air. "It's been a long, long time."
WATCH FOR PIERCE LOGAN TO RETURN IN CLICK SHOW MORE... FOR CONSPIRACY
Pierce had been around the block a few times, but he'd never been this far.
He knew his way around mastodon.social, though he never cared for it. The hustle and bustle of an instance that large was too much for even him, and the moderation left something to be desired. He found himself there more often than he'd like, and it always spelled trouble.
A recent case had taken him out to some Misskey instances. It was unfamiliar to him; reactions, widgets, the landscape was uncanny and hard to navigate.
He had even spent time in snouts.online before the incident.
But this... Somehow, this was different. The saccharine architecture seemed to hide a crueler truth underneath. It certainly wasn't a small place, but nothing ever seemed to come out of it. As he took a whiff of the air, Pierce couldn't even detect the familiar scent of the sewers that would surely be overflowing with shitposts on an instance this size. No, something was clearly wrong. He'd have to keep his wits about him, or he feared he'd be eaten alive. This place wanted to embrace him. It extended its arms in greeting, and Pierce knew to spit back in its face. He was here for business, not pleasure. He was here to find the darkness at the heart of Threads.
that's enough for now, i don't want to risk anyone thinking i don't know i'm a hack lmao
can you tell i've never read any noir detective stories, but i have read the Murphy Law stories on the scp wiki