Tina Okoli-AzzalarabHe’s Just Not That Into You
Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Grab a coffee—or a glass of wine, I’m not judging—because we need to have a little “heart-to-heart-to-hard-truth” session.
I recently saw a quote that hit me like a cold splash of water to the face. You know the ones that make you go, “Ouch, okay, I didn’t need to be attacked like this at 10:00 AM”? It basically said:
“Let him be who he is. If he takes hours to reply, let him. If he doesn’t plan, doesn’t try, doesn’t show up, accept it.”
And honestly? It’s the most exhausting, liberating thing I’ve read all year.
The Gold Medalist in the “Excuse Olympics”
We’ve all been there. I have been the Gold Medalist in the “Excuse Olympics.” When he doesn’t text back for eight hours, my brain immediately goes into creative writing mode:
- “Maybe his phone fell into a storm drain and he’s currently negotiating with a sewer clown to get it back?”
- “Maybe he’s been drafted into a secret space mission and can’t reveal his location for national security reasons?”
- “He’s probably just really, really focused on his career…” (Girl, he works in marketing, not open-heart surgery).
The Reality of Modern Dating Effort
The reality? He’s probably just playing video games or scrolling through TikTok. The quote says it best: A man always does what he truly wants. If he wanted to text you, he’d do it while he was waiting for his toast to pop up. If he wanted to see you, he’d find a gap in his schedule even if it was just for twenty minutes.
Silence is a Broadcast, Not a Glitch
We often treat “silence” as a technical glitch. We think, “Maybe he didn’t see the message,” or “Maybe the notification didn’t pop up.” But silence isn’t a glitch; it’s a broadcast.
Why Effort is Loud
The hardest part to swallow is that effort is loud. When someone wants you in their life, you don’t need a magnifying glass and a team of forensic scientists to find the proof. You don’t have to wonder. You don’t have to “interpret” a three-word text like it’s a Shakespearean sonnet.
When the Version in Your Head Doesn’t Match Reality
If you’re questioning it, you probably already have your answer. And yes, I know—that realization is “heavy.” It feels like a literal weight in your chest because it means the version of him you have in your head isn’t the version that’s currently holding his phone.
The quote ends with: “Stop waiting, stop hoping. Choose yourself. Let him go.”
What “Choosing Yourself” Actually Looks Like
“Choosing yourself” sounds like a luxury spa day, doesn’t it? Like I’m going to put on a face mask, drink some cucumber water, and suddenly be cured of my desire for a reply. In reality, choosing yourself feels like:
Your Time is a Limited Currency
It’s about realizing that your time is the only currency you can’t earn back. Why are we spending it waiting for someone who treats us like an “if I have time” instead of a “make the time”?
Stop Filling the Silence
Look, I’m not saying this is easy. I’ve spent more time waiting for “the text” than I’ve spent at the gym (and it shows). But there is so much peace in just… stopping.
Stop trying to build a relationship out of “maybe” and “later.” If he wants to be a ghost, let him go haunt someone else. You’re a whole human being, not a backup plan.
So, here’s my challenge to you (and to myself): The next time he gives you silence, don’t fill it with your own noise. Don’t ask “why.” Just accept that his lack of effort is his way of telling you exactly where you stand.
Close the app. Put the phone down. Go buy yourself those shoes you’ve been eyeing. Choose yourself. Because you’re the only person who is guaranteed to show up for you every single day.
#choosingYourself #datingRedFlags #datingTipsForWomen #Empowerment #LettingGo #mentalHealth #mixedSignals #relationshipAdvice #selfWorth #storiesFromTina