toilet humher
Assert dominance: Piss on the guard.
Assert dominance: throw bag full of shit at the guard.
Throw guard at guard?
En garde!
… such a manuever may be frot with peril.
I had to look that up, and I’m so glad I didn’t use a private tab. That oughtta make my search results interesting for the next few days.

Such are the consequences of unsheathing one’s sword!

Now, have at ye!

I keep imagining an earnest battle, from which people in the other room hear a chorus of two rapidly chanting “ow ow ow ow ow ow ow”