Mary Starbuck23 February
How are things with you today?
We did another museum (no pictures this time). Enjoyed using the metro and trams and buses on the Ruter app. Very public transport friendly. There was more snow over night and it looks very pretty. It wasn't too cold surprisingly. We walked by the palace, national and city parliament and national theatre. All looking beautiful. Had a shower and now having a little drink before a snack. I am utterly worn out again! Going home tomorrow. I've only just got used to being here.
24 February
Hope people here are OK.
We're nearly home. I've seriously run out of steam, so I'll have to catch up a bit more soon. Journey was pretty good, but I'm very achey and terribly tired.
Hope people here are OK.
We're nearly home. I've seriously run out of steam, so I'll have to catch up a bit more soon. Journey was pretty good, but I'm very achey and terribly tired.
25 February
Hello, are you having a good Wednesday? Is it sunny where you are? It is feeling very spring like here. I've hung some washing out and it's wonderful to see the bumble bees buzzing around some daphnia which smells beautiful and also flowering tete-a-tete, periwinkle, crocus, primroses and hyacinths.
Inside, however, my return from the snow has ended in a bumpy landing. I've not had the usual level of feeling like I've come home, plus all the aches and pains from while I was walking or travelling are lingering. Getting unpacked and doing the laundry feels like a big challenge.
Hello, are you having a good Wednesday? Is it sunny where you are? It is feeling very spring like here. I've hung some washing out and it's wonderful to see the bumble bees buzzing around some daphnia which smells beautiful and also flowering tete-a-tete, periwinkle, crocus, primroses and hyacinths.
Inside, however, my return from the snow has ended in a bumpy landing. I've not had the usual level of feeling like I've come home, plus all the aches and pains from while I was walking or travelling are lingering. Getting unpacked and doing the laundry feels like a big challenge.
26 February
Happy Thursday. How are you doing?
I had an early start before the cleaning that usually is on Monday but had to be scheduled before their other jobs. I did some washing and a couple of small tasks.
I'm struggling with something that I can't properly identify. I really want to understand it, share and work on it, but if I don't know what it really is, how do I do that?
It's nothing that wasn't present before. The longer I wrestle with complexities of audhd life and several other health problems, the harder it is for me to process what's happening in my head.
Happy Thursday. How are you doing?
I had an early start before the cleaning that usually is on Monday but had to be scheduled before their other jobs. I did some washing and a couple of small tasks.
I'm struggling with something that I can't properly identify. I really want to understand it, share and work on it, but if I don't know what it really is, how do I do that?
It's nothing that wasn't present before. The longer I wrestle with complexities of audhd life and several other health problems, the harder it is for me to process what's happening in my head.
1 March
How's March going for you so far?
Didn't get round to posting yesterday. Started the day still feeling low. We've got some damage causing a leaking pipe that's got to be fixed and a damaged flat tyre on the car. I went on to spend some time crafting, which was really good. Also caught up with my regular favourite podcast: Neurotypicals Don't Juggle Chainsaws. Then the #Railnatter episode on Lilian Lawrence and other LGBTQIA+ experiences (thanks @transponderings for that link).
The first podcast was on decluttering. Later on I ended up making a purchase of something I regretted getting rid of about 15 years ago ð ðĪĢ
This morning I've changed the bedding. Taking a little break now.
How's March going for you so far?
Didn't get round to posting yesterday. Started the day still feeling low. We've got some damage causing a leaking pipe that's got to be fixed and a damaged flat tyre on the car. I went on to spend some time crafting, which was really good. Also caught up with my regular favourite podcast: Neurotypicals Don't Juggle Chainsaws. Then the #Railnatter episode on Lilian Lawrence and other LGBTQIA+ experiences (thanks @transponderings for that link).
The first podcast was on decluttering. Later on I ended up making a purchase of something I regretted getting rid of about 15 years ago ð ðĪĢ
This morning I've changed the bedding. Taking a little break now.
2 March
Hello! Greetings from a beautiful springy day!
I've done some washing, walked to the shop for groceries and had a call with the psychologist. I left it a bit late to hang the washing out before my call, but couldn't let the sunshine get away unused.
I'd been a bit worried about my call (felt unsure about the last one), but it was really helpful. Working on medical trauma. He said that he'd written a chapter on a book about cPTSD and chosen the subject of being disbelieved. This comes from working with EDS people with experiences of not being treated fairly. Also asked me if some of my recent pain is possibly as a result of not being heard. His experience is that with EDS, pain (and fatigue) can become more intense to alert the brain to a message which has been missed.
Edit to remove a mistake. Sorry!
3 March
I hope you're all having a good day.
I had a nasty dream about one of my friends doing a terrible crime and I felt like I should have stopped them so I must be a bad person too.
Got a load of washing outside to dry again and collected my repeat meds.
Spent the rest of today with craft stuff. There's not a massive amount to show for it yet, but I have been catching up on getting my card making materials organised. I've been looking at some old items that I'd got into a habit of just ignoring. Revisiting why I liked it in the first place and refreshed the interest. Also allowed myself to put some bits into recycling as I went along rather than hanging on to them and thinking I can achieve zero waste. Quite pleased with myself ð
I hope you're all having a good day.
I had a nasty dream about one of my friends doing a terrible crime and I felt like I should have stopped them so I must be a bad person too.
Got a load of washing outside to dry again and collected my repeat meds.
Spent the rest of today with craft stuff. There's not a massive amount to show for it yet, but I have been catching up on getting my card making materials organised. I've been looking at some old items that I'd got into a habit of just ignoring. Revisiting why I liked it in the first place and refreshed the interest. Also allowed myself to put some bits into recycling as I went along rather than hanging on to them and thinking I can achieve zero waste. Quite pleased with myself ð
4 March
Morning! Hope your Wednesday is going well.
I've got some laundry on and I've started on my daily tidying and creativity. Not such a nice day as yesterday but I'll try not to notice that. I probably won't be here too much until this evening.
Morning! Hope your Wednesday is going well.
I've got some laundry on and I've started on my daily tidying and creativity. Not such a nice day as yesterday but I'll try not to notice that. I probably won't be here too much until this evening.
5 March
Happy Thursday everyone, how's it going?
There is a bit more sun here today than yesterday, so I'm hoping I won't feel as cold (I thought I was sick in the afternoon and slept for a big chunk of the evening). It might be that I felt I was not doing so well with my craft project and my body decided to have a sulk.
I was pleased about catching up with a task I'd been behind with though.
Also very glad I listened to This is the Door: Notes From a Body in Pain by Darcey Steinke on Radio 4. I thought it was a very interesting exploration of chronic pain.
Happy Thursday everyone, how's it going?
There is a bit more sun here today than yesterday, so I'm hoping I won't feel as cold (I thought I was sick in the afternoon and slept for a big chunk of the evening). It might be that I felt I was not doing so well with my craft project and my body decided to have a sulk.
I was pleased about catching up with a task I'd been behind with though.
Also very glad I listened to This is the Door: Notes From a Body in Pain by Darcey Steinke on Radio 4. I thought it was a very interesting exploration of chronic pain.
6 March
How is it going with you this Friday?
It's grey and dull in my little corner. And even more grey in my head.
I've started on my daily tasks (as formulated with the psychologist). I've done some other small jobs that are helpful. Later we are going out with our friends and staying over night. I am not loving the idea of getting ready and leaving my house.
Yesterday I managed to do well with my card making. I've got the start of a structure for ideas which I can use regularly. I hope. The second card took me maybe 2 hours (much quicker than the first). This shows me that spending time sorting all my materials out carefully is useful and not as pointless as I was afraid it might be.
How is it going with you this Friday?
It's grey and dull in my little corner. And even more grey in my head.
I've started on my daily tasks (as formulated with the psychologist). I've done some other small jobs that are helpful. Later we are going out with our friends and staying over night. I am not loving the idea of getting ready and leaving my house.
Yesterday I managed to do well with my card making. I've got the start of a structure for ideas which I can use regularly. I hope. The second card took me maybe 2 hours (much quicker than the first). This shows me that spending time sorting all my materials out carefully is useful and not as pointless as I was afraid it might be.
7 March
Hope you're having a good weekend.
We had a nice time with our friends last night. Staying away from home has just kind of eaten up my energy and I'm really tired, so I will keep this short and catch up properly tomorrow. Trying to get to bed early to allow for the clocks going forward.
Hope you're having a good weekend.
We had a nice time with our friends last night. Staying away from home has just kind of eaten up my energy and I'm really tired, so I will keep this short and catch up properly tomorrow. Trying to get to bed early to allow for the clocks going forward.
8 March
Long: audhd and cognitive decline
So I got confused by the posts on the clocks going forward yesterday after already being told firmly by someone close to me that it was definitely today.
This is the second time this year that I've been caught out by the strong influence of people I care about drowning out my own sense of what I know is on the calendar.
I think there's an element of cognitive decline (I get overwhelmed just looking at the calendar) but also I'm tending to not challenge if I feel something is wrong for fear of causing anger. This sounds like a recipe for vulnerability and being taken advantage of.
I have raised my fear of cognitive decline to numerous doctors, but it doesn't seem evident to them, because of the way they check for it.
I have a feeling that my autistic masking and pattern following habits cover it up. They normally ask things based on numbers. I can often reference multiplication tables and I feel like I'm being tested as they did when I was at junior school.
I am just rigidly obeying the rules that were drilled into me, like when being coached to pass the 11+. I can still summon them up when under pressure.
But why can't they see that I have sunk lower and lower at the skills that really matter to me, such as functioning and warding off vulnerability?
Does anyone else know if it's is a thing for autistic masking and tendency to follow rules to disguise cognitive decline? Or is it more likely alexithymia stopping me from recognising that it's simply the effect of burnout, fatigue and trauma?
9 March
Hope your Monday is as acceptable as possible.
It's foggy here outside and in. There is a repair job being done which was much more disruptive and upsetting than I anticipated ðŽ this is on top of the damage to our lovely new paintwork that was only completed in December. Also got a separate person coming to do something else, parcels being delivered and lots of things I'm behind with. Why is it always Monday?
Hope your Monday is as acceptable as possible.
It's foggy here outside and in. There is a repair job being done which was much more disruptive and upsetting than I anticipated ðŽ this is on top of the damage to our lovely new paintwork that was only completed in December. Also got a separate person coming to do something else, parcels being delivered and lots of things I'm behind with. Why is it always Monday?
10 March
Hello, how's everyone getting on today?
My day has been long and tiring, but not all bad. I had a lovely lunch with a family member for their birthday. I need to just stop and be quiet now. I'll try to catch up tomorrow.
Hello, how's everyone getting on today?
My day has been long and tiring, but not all bad. I had a lovely lunch with a family member for their birthday. I need to just stop and be quiet now. I'll try to catch up tomorrow.
11 March
It's a nice day here. Sending you all sunny spring greetings.
I'm still a bit emotional from yesterday. It's hard to get my head round why I feel so much about something simple and almost routine. I delivered the cards I've been making, so that felt good.
In the last week or two I've been feeling extra upset over things that don't normally cause that much stress. Yesterday this spilled over so that I upset someone else, too.
Anxiously tiptoeing through the rest of the week so as not to stir up any other trouble. The regular Monday stuff is being done today (postponed due to the leaking pipe) and that means more people in the house (sigh).
Husband is going away for a short break tomorrow and on Friday someone is dropping in to collect items we've been looking after for them. I've offered them lunch but I'm doubting whether I can actually manage it.
It's a nice day here. Sending you all sunny spring greetings.
I'm still a bit emotional from yesterday. It's hard to get my head round why I feel so much about something simple and almost routine. I delivered the cards I've been making, so that felt good.
In the last week or two I've been feeling extra upset over things that don't normally cause that much stress. Yesterday this spilled over so that I upset someone else, too.
Anxiously tiptoeing through the rest of the week so as not to stir up any other trouble. The regular Monday stuff is being done today (postponed due to the leaking pipe) and that means more people in the house (sigh).
Husband is going away for a short break tomorrow and on Friday someone is dropping in to collect items we've been looking after for them. I've offered them lunch but I'm doubting whether I can actually manage it.
12 March
Hello and happy Thursday! How are you doing?
My day is more crappy than happy. I'm trying to figure out what's going on.
I've often spoken about feeling confused in the past to counsellors. I've eased off from doing that, because it seems to lead to further confusion and grief at losing what I thought was understanding I shared with people in general.
It could be that the confusion is because of SDAM and being unable to make sense of the fragments of memory which I can't get into the right order to complete a useful picture.
When I get asked what I'm confused about, I've often replied that if I knew the answer then I wouldn't be confused. If I'm not careful, that makes people angry with me and then I get more confused. I'm feeling very isolated by this difference between me and the world. It's not a difference I can talk about because nobody knows what it is.
13 March
How are you doing? Hope you've got something nice happening this weekend.
My visitor has been and gone. I did a small lunch and I've survived. I enjoyed chatting a bit. It's been a lot for me. My stupid, confused and jumbled up brain can't cope when remains of the old me get stirred up and today's me seems like a miserable, pointless ghost.
14 March
Hope your Saturday is going well and it's sunny where you are.
I'm not having a bad day, but I have bad stuff going on in my head because of misunderstandings in the past. I know I can't fix any of it now, but that doesn't stop my subconscious giving me a beating for it in the morning as I wake up.
I hate it so much that these misunderstandings were due to being mislead (clearly not my fault) yet in real life there is nobody who can empathise with how overwhelmingly it has worn me down.
I'm sure I've repeated this in other words several times, but it keeps swirling round and feels new each time it comes back.
Hope your Saturday is going well and it's sunny where you are.
I'm not having a bad day, but I have bad stuff going on in my head because of misunderstandings in the past. I know I can't fix any of it now, but that doesn't stop my subconscious giving me a beating for it in the morning as I wake up.
I hate it so much that these misunderstandings were due to being mislead (clearly not my fault) yet in real life there is nobody who can empathise with how overwhelmingly it has worn me down.
I'm sure I've repeated this in other words several times, but it keeps swirling round and feels new each time it comes back.
15 March
Hello, how's your Sunday? It's a bit grey here now.
I have been filling in some questionnaires for tomorrow's psychologist call: Am I experiencing body boredom? (score 92/100) and Do I express Anger appropriately? (score 75/100). It's quite interesting and I hope it will be helpful, even if only as a prompt.
I'd not heard of body boredom before, but it's a name being used here for physical symptoms of lack of engagement and suppressed needs.
Hello, how's your Sunday? It's a bit grey here now.
I have been filling in some questionnaires for tomorrow's psychologist call: Am I experiencing body boredom? (score 92/100) and Do I express Anger appropriately? (score 75/100). It's quite interesting and I hope it will be helpful, even if only as a prompt.
I'd not heard of body boredom before, but it's a name being used here for physical symptoms of lack of engagement and suppressed needs.
16 March
Hello everyone, I've not been here much today. How are you doing?
I felt pretty low this morning and I just lurked. I had planned to go to my group but missed it again (second month in a row) because of my mood.
I had a call with the psychologist this afternoon. I was a bit concerned about not getting all the forms filled in that I'd been given, but in my answers there was enough to be going on with. It was very encouraging that he was interested in what I'd written.
It feels helpful that he's trying to unpick some of the mess and confusion with my alexithymia in the context of how "symptoms"* connect with causes.
* "symptoms" is not a good word but the only one my brain will come up with.
Hello everyone, I've not been here much today. How are you doing?
I felt pretty low this morning and I just lurked. I had planned to go to my group but missed it again (second month in a row) because of my mood.
I had a call with the psychologist this afternoon. I was a bit concerned about not getting all the forms filled in that I'd been given, but in my answers there was enough to be going on with. It was very encouraging that he was interested in what I'd written.
It feels helpful that he's trying to unpick some of the mess and confusion with my alexithymia in the context of how "symptoms"* connect with causes.
* "symptoms" is not a good word but the only one my brain will come up with.
17 March
Morning all, how're things with you?
I must work on my NHS communication passport thingy today (I think that's what it's called). I have been putting it off, well, completely dreading what it will stir up. On the bright side, I have had support and someone has already done most of the decision making part.
It does feel like a complete waste of time, because I don't think anyone will even notice it. But I kind of need to jump through the hoop so the person supporting me can understand what I'm up against.
Morning all, how're things with you?
I must work on my NHS communication passport thingy today (I think that's what it's called). I have been putting it off, well, completely dreading what it will stir up. On the bright side, I have had support and someone has already done most of the decision making part.
It does feel like a complete waste of time, because I don't think anyone will even notice it. But I kind of need to jump through the hoop so the person supporting me can understand what I'm up against.
18 March
Good morning lovely people, I hope you have the sunshine today.
I have a meeting with the outreach worker who will get the NHS passport on the system for me. Then I will reach out for an appointment with a GP and see if it makes any difference. I'm not holding my breath.
I just printed some stuff from the psychologist. I got quite overwhelmed with feelings about how desperately I needed to do this decades ago and why there was nobody who could understand me then. It seems very helpful, but there's such a lot coming up for me around finally being heard and how long that took.
Good morning lovely people, I hope you have the sunshine today.
I have a meeting with the outreach worker who will get the NHS passport on the system for me. Then I will reach out for an appointment with a GP and see if it makes any difference. I'm not holding my breath.
I just printed some stuff from the psychologist. I got quite overwhelmed with feelings about how desperately I needed to do this decades ago and why there was nobody who could understand me then. It seems very helpful, but there's such a lot coming up for me around finally being heard and how long that took.
19 March
Happy Thursday everybody, are you doing ok? It's another sunny day here, although the gloom still lurks inside. Or is it just in my head?
Using the NHS app for repeat prescriptions has caused me to be very upset this morning. I won't go into detail as I've wasted enough time already.
I've had to do several health admin tasks this morning all involving unfriendly feeling interactions which I didn't have the stomach for.
Keen to get on with some card making now to give myself a break.
Happy Thursday everybody, are you doing ok? It's another sunny day here, although the gloom still lurks inside. Or is it just in my head?
Using the NHS app for repeat prescriptions has caused me to be very upset this morning. I won't go into detail as I've wasted enough time already.
I've had to do several health admin tasks this morning all involving unfriendly feeling interactions which I didn't have the stomach for.
Keen to get on with some card making now to give myself a break.
20 March
Morning everyone, did you sleep well enough? I had an odd dream about friends entering in a fake food maker's contest. I was helping them set up their display but feeling very confused because why would this be a thing that people actually do?
Yesterday's thing with my repeat prescription has been troubling me a lot.
With one eye on what the psychologist has been talking about and looking at my usual patterns, I think I can see it more logically.
I have a big need for adjustments to the system for requesting and collecting repeats, but there is no possibility, understanding or facility for this.
I have become somewhat disconnected.
I did indeed order my meds and I've not run out (hooray) but I've had to endure the person talking down to me because they don't acknowledge the terrible problems I'm having.
As per an exercise suggested to me, I have said out loud to myself: "I'm angry/frustrated/annoyed because [what I said above] and it's okay and reasonable for me to feel this way".
Morning everyone, did you sleep well enough? I had an odd dream about friends entering in a fake food maker's contest. I was helping them set up their display but feeling very confused because why would this be a thing that people actually do?
Yesterday's thing with my repeat prescription has been troubling me a lot.
With one eye on what the psychologist has been talking about and looking at my usual patterns, I think I can see it more logically.
I have a big need for adjustments to the system for requesting and collecting repeats, but there is no possibility, understanding or facility for this.
I have become somewhat disconnected.
I did indeed order my meds and I've not run out (hooray) but I've had to endure the person talking down to me because they don't acknowledge the terrible problems I'm having.
As per an exercise suggested to me, I have said out loud to myself: "I'm angry/frustrated/annoyed because [what I said above] and it's okay and reasonable for me to feel this way".
22 March
Hello how's your weekend going?
Yesterday we needed something from a busy shopping centre and I wasn't sure it was wise, but went anyway. We were early enough to do it fairly comfortably and I stocked up on some craft supplies.
I was quite excited about the items I got, so I went straight to the crafting as soon as I'd put a load of washing on. I was really pleased that I'd worked through a block I was having. I noticed how happy I was feeling with my project.
That's so unusual for me lately and it feels like I've been very distracted from my everyday responsibilities. It was only for an afternoon, but my brain is telling me I've totally abandoned the important stuff. I'm a bit bewildered.
Hello how's your weekend going?
Yesterday we needed something from a busy shopping centre and I wasn't sure it was wise, but went anyway. We were early enough to do it fairly comfortably and I stocked up on some craft supplies.
I was quite excited about the items I got, so I went straight to the crafting as soon as I'd put a load of washing on. I was really pleased that I'd worked through a block I was having. I noticed how happy I was feeling with my project.
That's so unusual for me lately and it feels like I've been very distracted from my everyday responsibilities. It was only for an afternoon, but my brain is telling me I've totally abandoned the important stuff. I'm a bit bewildered.
23 March
How is your Monday? The weather here is quite nice. Inside my head not so good.
Life is just too much. I can't do all the processing. My brain is trying to visualise what it would be like if I had had the awareness to put boundaries in place before the damage was done.
I still don't even know what these boundaries would be like. Probably protecting the time and means to recharge and restricting input. But that would have isolated me from school, relationships, hobbies and work. That seems confusing and unbelievably difficult. It would also depend on understanding and support that I'm absolutely certain wasn't there.
Could I have worked and still maintained boundaries? Doubtful. Maybe if I had no life outside. Without life outside, support of family or friends wouldn't work.
Sorry I'm going round in circles.
How is your Monday? The weather here is quite nice. Inside my head not so good.
Life is just too much. I can't do all the processing. My brain is trying to visualise what it would be like if I had had the awareness to put boundaries in place before the damage was done.
I still don't even know what these boundaries would be like. Probably protecting the time and means to recharge and restricting input. But that would have isolated me from school, relationships, hobbies and work. That seems confusing and unbelievably difficult. It would also depend on understanding and support that I'm absolutely certain wasn't there.
Could I have worked and still maintained boundaries? Doubtful. Maybe if I had no life outside. Without life outside, support of family or friends wouldn't work.
Sorry I'm going round in circles.
24 March
How are things? Weather seems quite windy.
The usual Monday cleaning has moved to Tuesday. I'm quite glad there's one less thing to clash, but it does take out a day that would be free otherwise.
I'm still rather overwhelmed and feel that I am better off not saying too much for today.
I've been sorting out the bottom of my wardrobe. I'd had a string of beads hanging inside the door but they broke and went all over (including in my boots). I put it off for weeks. The thought of going through every little thing that accumulated over 25 years was too daunting. I stopped short of checking pockets of every item of clothing.
How are things? Weather seems quite windy.
The usual Monday cleaning has moved to Tuesday. I'm quite glad there's one less thing to clash, but it does take out a day that would be free otherwise.
I'm still rather overwhelmed and feel that I am better off not saying too much for today.
I've been sorting out the bottom of my wardrobe. I'd had a string of beads hanging inside the door but they broke and went all over (including in my boots). I put it off for weeks. The thought of going through every little thing that accumulated over 25 years was too daunting. I stopped short of checking pockets of every item of clothing.
26 March
Oh dear, I didn't mean to miss my update yesterday! Wednesday started with a lot of brainfog, possibly from Tuesday's wardrobe sorting. I then decided to try joining my husband on some errands (on the understanding I could wait in the car).
After that there was a dreaded admin task to be done. I completed the first stage and did some filing as well, but that caused an argument and I struggled to keep going afterwards.
Today I've got the phone call stage of the admin task, which includes DWP. There's always the potential for that to go horribly wrong.
We are taking a relation out for lunch as well, so there's more than enough for me to be going on with.
Hope everybody here is doing OK. Happy Thursday to you!
27 March
How're you all doing? I hope you've got good plans for the weekend. The (UK) clocks go forward this time, don't they?
I don't have any plans. I hope to do some card making.
I'm feeling pretty awful. I can't explain but I feel like I might have a great big cry.
Whatever was wrong to start with became more intense after trying to get some of my admin done. It should have been done yesterday but my headache didn't clear up until the evening. Hanging on the phone for so long today meant I couldn't keep regulated. Still got loads left to do.
I've remembered something I want to watch on TV, so I'll give that a try and it might just help me to a better state of mind.
How're you all doing? I hope you've got good plans for the weekend. The (UK) clocks go forward this time, don't they?
I don't have any plans. I hope to do some card making.
I'm feeling pretty awful. I can't explain but I feel like I might have a great big cry.
Whatever was wrong to start with became more intense after trying to get some of my admin done. It should have been done yesterday but my headache didn't clear up until the evening. Hanging on the phone for so long today meant I couldn't keep regulated. Still got loads left to do.
I've remembered something I want to watch on TV, so I'll give that a try and it might just help me to a better state of mind.
28 March
I promised myself a weekend "off". I went with my husband to the seaside. He had to pick something up. I found a brilliant craft shop and it was a beautiful day for seeing the sea.
I'm not doing very well apart from that.
I'm really struggling with not knowing how to express what's going on. And struggling with there being no answers or support even if I could tell my story properly.
I promised myself a weekend "off". I went with my husband to the seaside. He had to pick something up. I found a brilliant craft shop and it was a beautiful day for seeing the sea.
I'm not doing very well apart from that.
I'm really struggling with not knowing how to express what's going on. And struggling with there being no answers or support even if I could tell my story properly.
29 March
Hi, how're things with you this Sunday?
I was thinking recently about one of my early relationships (1983/4). This boyfriend's mother was a therapist. What I know now about how therapy can be very unsuitable for my autistic brain, makes me wonder what mixed up ideas I've been carrying round for decades. I had buried and forgotten about this in the background of the heartbreak of teenage love.
It could be the reason I've tried so many therapists but never asked myself if this might not be for me. There had been quite a bit of conversation back then about my mental health. I'd got the message that I needed to explore what was going on and to get it "fixed". I hate the thought that perhaps it's all been about me trying to prove that I could be a better person than the one this boyfriend rejected.
That seems such a terrible mistake. I had no way of knowing that and I'm not giving myself a hard time for it, but what a massive weight to be carrying all that time.
I can see that I needed to cling to this idea of fixing myself and everything would be alright, but it's so sad that I've wasted the best years of my life on trying to fix what isn't fixable and believing I was the problem.
Edit for typo.
Hi, how're things with you this Sunday?
I was thinking recently about one of my early relationships (1983/4). This boyfriend's mother was a therapist. What I know now about how therapy can be very unsuitable for my autistic brain, makes me wonder what mixed up ideas I've been carrying round for decades. I had buried and forgotten about this in the background of the heartbreak of teenage love.
It could be the reason I've tried so many therapists but never asked myself if this might not be for me. There had been quite a bit of conversation back then about my mental health. I'd got the message that I needed to explore what was going on and to get it "fixed". I hate the thought that perhaps it's all been about me trying to prove that I could be a better person than the one this boyfriend rejected.
That seems such a terrible mistake. I had no way of knowing that and I'm not giving myself a hard time for it, but what a massive weight to be carrying all that time.
I can see that I needed to cling to this idea of fixing myself and everything would be alright, but it's so sad that I've wasted the best years of my life on trying to fix what isn't fixable and believing I was the problem.
Edit for typo.
30 March
Hello, how's it going?
I had my call with the psychologist today and I'm very pleased to say that it has helped me feel more ok than I was.
I did some laundry this morning and some card making after the call this afternoon. I did well with the cards but my evening has been a bit frustrating.
Hello, how's it going?
I had my call with the psychologist today and I'm very pleased to say that it has helped me feel more ok than I was.
I did some laundry this morning and some card making after the call this afternoon. I did well with the cards but my evening has been a bit frustrating.
31 March
Morning everyone, I hope you've had a good start. Doesn't look very bright outside although the weather on TV says it's mild.
I was woken up very early by a bad dream. It involved doing some gardening with my husband and there was this small but terrifying creature* in the root of a plant that I had asked him to dig up. Despite my attempts to alert him to my overwhelming fear, he remained oblivious the creature and was about to hand it to me. I woke up before that.
Having feelings now about being unable to communicate what I need people to know and see. How much that frightens me.
*possibly an alien or fictional poisonous sea creature
Morning everyone, I hope you've had a good start. Doesn't look very bright outside although the weather on TV says it's mild.
I was woken up very early by a bad dream. It involved doing some gardening with my husband and there was this small but terrifying creature* in the root of a plant that I had asked him to dig up. Despite my attempts to alert him to my overwhelming fear, he remained oblivious the creature and was about to hand it to me. I woke up before that.
Having feelings now about being unable to communicate what I need people to know and see. How much that frightens me.
*possibly an alien or fictional poisonous sea creature
2 April
Happy Thursday everyone. I hope your day is more sunny than mine so far.
I have got ready to go out two days in a row now. Managed to get a fairly big decision made that has been left for too long and made a big purchase for the house.
Forgot to have coffee first so I'm catching up with that now.
While I was visiting yesterday I spent a while watching a (ferral?) parakeet eating from the peanut feeder in the garden. Apparently a few of them stop by most days now. Also amused to hear about a neighbour's 3 cats, named Ella, Fitz and Gerald ðĪĢ.
I need to get a card finished. My creativity has not been flowing smoothly on this one so it's taken a long time. Will have to hurry to get it posted too.
Happy Thursday everyone. I hope your day is more sunny than mine so far.
I have got ready to go out two days in a row now. Managed to get a fairly big decision made that has been left for too long and made a big purchase for the house.
Forgot to have coffee first so I'm catching up with that now.
While I was visiting yesterday I spent a while watching a (ferral?) parakeet eating from the peanut feeder in the garden. Apparently a few of them stop by most days now. Also amused to hear about a neighbour's 3 cats, named Ella, Fitz and Gerald ðĪĢ.
I need to get a card finished. My creativity has not been flowing smoothly on this one so it's taken a long time. Will have to hurry to get it posted too.
3 April
How's everyone doing this Good Friday? I hope there's a lot of holiday/weekend stuff going on.
Yesterday I got the card finished and posted, but for various reasons I was quite stressed.
I am noticeably more foggy and fatigued today. I believe it's due to having too much happening (one thing over the last few days/next week, another on Sunday and the third on Monday and Tuesday).
I have expressed that I don't like saying no to things, but that it would have been better. I was pleased this was received in a supportive way. I've been reminded I can still opt out of the third thing.
I want to do something creative now, but I'm afraid I won't fit in any of my regular household tasks that I'm behind with.
How's everyone doing this Good Friday? I hope there's a lot of holiday/weekend stuff going on.
Yesterday I got the card finished and posted, but for various reasons I was quite stressed.
I am noticeably more foggy and fatigued today. I believe it's due to having too much happening (one thing over the last few days/next week, another on Sunday and the third on Monday and Tuesday).
I have expressed that I don't like saying no to things, but that it would have been better. I was pleased this was received in a supportive way. I've been reminded I can still opt out of the third thing.
I want to do something creative now, but I'm afraid I won't fit in any of my regular household tasks that I'm behind with.
4 April
Hello, happy Saturday and long weekend-ing.
I am not having a good day. Plans for tomorrow have been suddenly brought back to today. Others have been very agitated about this. I am trying very hard to not let that stop me, as it's something I requested for a specific reason and I will feel very disappointed if I can't see it through. I'm just really not in the right frame of mind now for being in a big city with too many people.
Hello, happy Saturday and long weekend-ing.
I am not having a good day. Plans for tomorrow have been suddenly brought back to today. Others have been very agitated about this. I am trying very hard to not let that stop me, as it's something I requested for a specific reason and I will feel very disappointed if I can't see it through. I'm just really not in the right frame of mind now for being in a big city with too many people.
5 April
I hope you're enjoying chocolate eggs, or whatever works for you on this particular Sunday.
Yesterday was challenging for me and I still feel hungover (without the alcohol). I have opted out of the family thing for tomorrow and Tuesday. I am not happy that I won't be there, but it's for the best.
Considering my discombobulation yesterday, it was fairly successful and I'm grateful that I could do a "me" thing.
I am, as ever, very distressed about feeling out of sync. A couple of examples of other people's difficilties with this have come up in conversation today and it's painful that the person having the problem must have not properly listened when I've described experiencing the same. Why is it taken so personally when I'm going at a different speed? The unhappiness that is directed at me really hurts. The hurt is greater when I'm making an effort to compensate (either speeding up or slowing down) according to the times I've got I wrong before. Seems I am doomed to always be wrong.
I hope you're enjoying chocolate eggs, or whatever works for you on this particular Sunday.
Yesterday was challenging for me and I still feel hungover (without the alcohol). I have opted out of the family thing for tomorrow and Tuesday. I am not happy that I won't be there, but it's for the best.
Considering my discombobulation yesterday, it was fairly successful and I'm grateful that I could do a "me" thing.
I am, as ever, very distressed about feeling out of sync. A couple of examples of other people's difficilties with this have come up in conversation today and it's painful that the person having the problem must have not properly listened when I've described experiencing the same. Why is it taken so personally when I'm going at a different speed? The unhappiness that is directed at me really hurts. The hurt is greater when I'm making an effort to compensate (either speeding up or slowing down) according to the times I've got I wrong before. Seems I am doomed to always be wrong.
6 April
Morning everyone, hope your long weekend is going well, if it's a holiday where you are.
I am trying to get my update in quickly before the day gets away from me. I'm feeling sad about not having the spoons to do the thing with the family. When you get left at home it's not much fun, although I do feel positive about making the right decision.
There was an argument last night which is not helping. I'm rather overwhelmed before I've even started my day.
Lots of housework tasks to be done plus extra stuff because I'm on my own for a couple of days. Don't know how to squeeze in something I can feel good about.
Morning everyone, hope your long weekend is going well, if it's a holiday where you are.
I am trying to get my update in quickly before the day gets away from me. I'm feeling sad about not having the spoons to do the thing with the family. When you get left at home it's not much fun, although I do feel positive about making the right decision.
There was an argument last night which is not helping. I'm rather overwhelmed before I've even started my day.
Lots of housework tasks to be done plus extra stuff because I'm on my own for a couple of days. Don't know how to squeeze in something I can feel good about.
7 April
Hope you're all having an at least ok day. It's nice and sunny here.
I'm trying to get this done quickly again today, before my brain can start kicking off. I've got some washing in and started to get another load ready.
I have a call after lunch that I'm looking forward to, so I'm grateful for that. Otherwise I'm just about hanging on.
Hope you're all having an at least ok day. It's nice and sunny here.
I'm trying to get this done quickly again today, before my brain can start kicking off. I've got some washing in and started to get another load ready.
I have a call after lunch that I'm looking forward to, so I'm grateful for that. Otherwise I'm just about hanging on.
8 April
Hello how are you doing?
Yesterday became a bit rushed and chaotic but I kind of managed. I did a fair bit of tidying and then went for a short walk by the river. It was lovely. Lots of life, blossom, children playing, dogs being walked, posters up about wild garlic/responsible foraging and people talking about what could happen with the war. It fascinates me looking at old photos of the area from before WW1. There was a mill on the river and people would gather to skate when the flood plane froze over. I always wonder if their families are still around and if they would have passed stories down.
Hello how are you doing?
Yesterday became a bit rushed and chaotic but I kind of managed. I did a fair bit of tidying and then went for a short walk by the river. It was lovely. Lots of life, blossom, children playing, dogs being walked, posters up about wild garlic/responsible foraging and people talking about what could happen with the war. It fascinates me looking at old photos of the area from before WW1. There was a mill on the river and people would gather to skate when the flood plane froze over. I always wonder if their families are still around and if they would have passed stories down.
9 April
Happy Thursday (sorry if it's not - I have had a habit of saying it for many years). How are you doing?
I've had my hair cut and I'm pleased that has not caused me too much stress or difficulty today. Lots going on in my head to work through.
Yesterday it was the cleaning delayed from Easter and my husband came back from his family occasion, so a lot to be done. After that I started on some stuff for my next appointment.
I still need to do a lot more though and I'm concerned about not doing any craft or laundry for a couple of days.
Happy Thursday (sorry if it's not - I have had a habit of saying it for many years). How are you doing?
I've had my hair cut and I'm pleased that has not caused me too much stress or difficulty today. Lots going on in my head to work through.
Yesterday it was the cleaning delayed from Easter and my husband came back from his family occasion, so a lot to be done. After that I started on some stuff for my next appointment.
I still need to do a lot more though and I'm concerned about not doing any craft or laundry for a couple of days.
10th April
Morning all, how's your Friday going?
It's a sad anniversary today and along with feeling down generally, it's challenging. Hoping to get some plants for hanging baskets later as that would have been mum's choice of activity.
Yesterday I had a suggestion of a product involving AI in response to a query I would never have imagined even close to suitable. It seems I must now expect conversation with any person on any topic could suddenly be invaded by AI.
Yesterday wasn't a great day and I became quite stuck in the afternoon with a shock of another executive function fail because my brain lied to me again.
Morning all, how's your Friday going?
It's a sad anniversary today and along with feeling down generally, it's challenging. Hoping to get some plants for hanging baskets later as that would have been mum's choice of activity.
Yesterday I had a suggestion of a product involving AI in response to a query I would never have imagined even close to suitable. It seems I must now expect conversation with any person on any topic could suddenly be invaded by AI.
Yesterday wasn't a great day and I became quite stuck in the afternoon with a shock of another executive function fail because my brain lied to me again.
11 April
Good morning, I hope you're doing well and enjoying something beautiful today.
Not sure about me. I'm feeling the lack of sunshine and I hope it won't infect my card making. I'm rather grumpy.
I've got some washing in the machine which is a relief but that relief is also a worry, because how did something so easy and basic become so hard?
It was good yesterday to message a few people who were in touch re mum's anniversary. I like the connection, even if I'm not entirely sure that these relationships are what I need.
I was pleased to hear that someone else noticed that in The Other Bennet Sister, Mary's struggles are very much like those of many ND people. Looking forward to catching up on that. Please let there be a happy ending.
Good morning, I hope you're doing well and enjoying something beautiful today.
Not sure about me. I'm feeling the lack of sunshine and I hope it won't infect my card making. I'm rather grumpy.
I've got some washing in the machine which is a relief but that relief is also a worry, because how did something so easy and basic become so hard?
It was good yesterday to message a few people who were in touch re mum's anniversary. I like the connection, even if I'm not entirely sure that these relationships are what I need.
I was pleased to hear that someone else noticed that in The Other Bennet Sister, Mary's struggles are very much like those of many ND people. Looking forward to catching up on that. Please let there be a happy ending.
13 April
Hello! I hope everyone is doing OK.
Apologies for missing yesterday. Have I missed much?
We did a big food shop and then some crafting, but I kind of forgot what day it was and felt very distracted and weird.
I've had a call with the psychologist today and that is quite enough thinking stuff for now. Suddenly very cold and can't get warm. Must be time for more hot tea!
Hello! I hope everyone is doing OK.
Apologies for missing yesterday. Have I missed much?
We did a big food shop and then some crafting, but I kind of forgot what day it was and felt very distracted and weird.
I've had a call with the psychologist today and that is quite enough thinking stuff for now. Suddenly very cold and can't get warm. Must be time for more hot tea!
14 April
Morning, how is everyone doing today?
I have a lot to do connected with some decorating my husband has been doing. Glad it looks sunny for going out.
My connection with people here feels like it has reduced but maybe I'm just panicking. I hope it's no more than the nature of social media.
My call yesterday was helpful and I'm grateful for that.
I've been feeling weird for a few days and I have no idea what it is. It's a bit like there's a hole where something is missing, but I'm not sure what. Does that make any sense?
Morning, how is everyone doing today?
I have a lot to do connected with some decorating my husband has been doing. Glad it looks sunny for going out.
My connection with people here feels like it has reduced but maybe I'm just panicking. I hope it's no more than the nature of social media.
My call yesterday was helpful and I'm grateful for that.
I've been feeling weird for a few days and I have no idea what it is. It's a bit like there's a hole where something is missing, but I'm not sure what. Does that make any sense?
15 April
Hello, how's everyone getting on with Wednesday?
I have two appointments and a rush in between.
I've got some washing done and now only a few minutes before the first meeting.
Hello, how's everyone getting on with Wednesday?
I have two appointments and a rush in between.
I've got some washing done and now only a few minutes before the first meeting.
16 April
How is your Thursday?
My eye appointment yesterday was unexpectedly positive. It was quiet, quick, no eyedrops needed, no prodding or discomfort, scans also done and all in about 20 minutes. Surprising how easy it can be when there are no doctors involved.
I've been doing laundry and catching up with emails today. Ordering supplements and appointment admin. So much I'm behind with.
How is your Thursday?
My eye appointment yesterday was unexpectedly positive. It was quiet, quick, no eyedrops needed, no prodding or discomfort, scans also done and all in about 20 minutes. Surprising how easy it can be when there are no doctors involved.
I've been doing laundry and catching up with emails today. Ordering supplements and appointment admin. So much I'm behind with.
17 April
Hope everybody is having a good (or at least ok) Friday.
I've been out and bought a little set of paints (I love the pastel colours) and some tulle fabric. I hope to use the tulle to sandwich scraps of old fabric between so that they can become part of a usable garment or cushion cover or something like that.
For now though I'm very tired and I've got a headache so I'm not doing much more.
Hope you all have something to look forward to this weekend.
Hope everybody is having a good (or at least ok) Friday.
I've been out and bought a little set of paints (I love the pastel colours) and some tulle fabric. I hope to use the tulle to sandwich scraps of old fabric between so that they can become part of a usable garment or cushion cover or something like that.
For now though I'm very tired and I've got a headache so I'm not doing much more.
Hope you all have something to look forward to this weekend.
18 April
Hello everybody, I hope all is well this Saturday.
I have been feeling quite positive so far about some new ideas. Got a few things done and my creativity has been helped along by yesterday's paint purchase (not put paint to brush yet but planned what I will do).
We are out later and I've got my stuff ready. Feeling very tired now and I would love to just sit, but this evening is something I definitely want to do.
Hello everybody, I hope all is well this Saturday.
I have been feeling quite positive so far about some new ideas. Got a few things done and my creativity has been helped along by yesterday's paint purchase (not put paint to brush yet but planned what I will do).
We are out later and I've got my stuff ready. Feeling very tired now and I would love to just sit, but this evening is something I definitely want to do.
19 April
Is Sunday being good to you?
The time has flown for me and I don't seem to feel like I can catch up, but it's kind of going OK. We had a good time last night seeing stand up comedy and I was given a beautiful handmade paper notebook as a gift.
Now struggling to remember all the things I need to do in time to actually get them done. Monday tomorrow and lots in the diary to juggle and prepare for.
Is Sunday being good to you?
The time has flown for me and I don't seem to feel like I can catch up, but it's kind of going OK. We had a good time last night seeing stand up comedy and I was given a beautiful handmade paper notebook as a gift.
Now struggling to remember all the things I need to do in time to actually get them done. Monday tomorrow and lots in the diary to juggle and prepare for.
20 April
Morning all, I hope you've got good weather and a glimmer of joy.
I've got my autistic adults meeting this morning. I don't want to miss another one (I've avoided the last 2 months). Also picking up a parcel of supplements that I failed to order for about a month.
Looking forward to something creative afterwards.
Morning all, I hope you've got good weather and a glimmer of joy.
I've got my autistic adults meeting this morning. I don't want to miss another one (I've avoided the last 2 months). Also picking up a parcel of supplements that I failed to order for about a month.
Looking forward to something creative afterwards.
21 April
How are you all doing? Looks like a nice day so I got some washing out (now I've said that I can see dark clouds).
It's cleaning today moved from Monday. Doing the tidying and washing has wiped me out.
I think I might be having a reaction to something from my meeting yesterday. I asked a new person if I could talk to them about something (the group is for sharing experience and peer support). But when I asked, they were maybe unprepared and responded in a professional/official way rather than personal and friendly. I felt rather stupid, because someone commented afterwards. I imagine the person felt awkward so defaulted to her working response, but I was trying to talk to her as if she was a personal contact. She did say she had come along as both the professional and an autistic individual. Confusing.
I have just been catching up with my neighbour who was very chatty about the news of her son getting married. Also wanted to give me some mangoes as she had too many.
I have taken the plunge and joined an online ND/queer friendship club and the first zoom is tonight. It is ok if I just want to listen with my camera off. Not sure if I've got the energy, but it could be just what I need.
How are you all doing? Looks like a nice day so I got some washing out (now I've said that I can see dark clouds).
It's cleaning today moved from Monday. Doing the tidying and washing has wiped me out.
I think I might be having a reaction to something from my meeting yesterday. I asked a new person if I could talk to them about something (the group is for sharing experience and peer support). But when I asked, they were maybe unprepared and responded in a professional/official way rather than personal and friendly. I felt rather stupid, because someone commented afterwards. I imagine the person felt awkward so defaulted to her working response, but I was trying to talk to her as if she was a personal contact. She did say she had come along as both the professional and an autistic individual. Confusing.
I have just been catching up with my neighbour who was very chatty about the news of her son getting married. Also wanted to give me some mangoes as she had too many.
I have taken the plunge and joined an online ND/queer friendship club and the first zoom is tonight. It is ok if I just want to listen with my camera off. Not sure if I've got the energy, but it could be just what I need.
22 April
Morning everyone, how's your Wednesday?
My brain is being very messy today. Not helpful. I think I had a disturbed night.
My zoom meeting went fairly well last night but today I'm very uncertain.
I didn't manage to get the anxiety about Monday's meeting out of my system and it's still niggling at me. I've got other things that need attention and I've not been able to face them.
There's noisy work going on here today and it's not easy to relax.
In more amusing news, there's a great tit who has been rather obsessed with attempting to get into our garden doors. Possibly attracted by their reflection? Tries flying at the glass, or pecking at the lock, or sitting on the handles and singing. They keep coming back again and again and I'm thinking I'll have to be careful if I want the doors open (we mostly use the kitchen door to get outside).
23 April
Good morning and happy Thursday.
It's a lovely sunny day here which is handy seeing as I'm going out to visit a relative. It's a regular, familiar thing for me, but I have come to dread the way it feels harder and harder each time to do the driving.
Good morning and happy Thursday.
It's a lovely sunny day here which is handy seeing as I'm going out to visit a relative. It's a regular, familiar thing for me, but I have come to dread the way it feels harder and harder each time to do the driving.
24 April
Hello and happy Friday.
I've been having some bad pain in my hip. It was very disturbing over night. Seems better when I keep moving, but there are things I need to sit down for (mainly pacing myself), so that's troublesome. I have no idea what started it and the pain relief I tried was not doing anything.
Yesterday was OK and I got the bedding changed after I was back home.
This morning I have got the washing done but I've got lots to do and think about so I'll try to move as much as I can.
Hello and happy Friday.
I've been having some bad pain in my hip. It was very disturbing over night. Seems better when I keep moving, but there are things I need to sit down for (mainly pacing myself), so that's troublesome. I have no idea what started it and the pain relief I tried was not doing anything.
Yesterday was OK and I got the bedding changed after I was back home.
This morning I have got the washing done but I've got lots to do and think about so I'll try to move as much as I can.
25 April
How's your Saturday going?
I'm feeling grumpy because my pain is still bothering me and has moved into my back as well. It's making me so tired. We went for a walk to Tesco to help me keep moving and that was OK. Quite a relief.
We've got to go out this evening and I'm not looking forward to it. It will probably be a good thing for me but it would be so much easier to just stay at home.
How's your Saturday going?
I'm feeling grumpy because my pain is still bothering me and has moved into my back as well. It's making me so tired. We went for a walk to Tesco to help me keep moving and that was OK. Quite a relief.
We've got to go out this evening and I'm not looking forward to it. It will probably be a good thing for me but it would be so much easier to just stay at home.
26 April
Hello everybody, is your weekend going OK?
I'm very foggy after a long (for me) drive last night. Sitting in the car worked out OK, except that to start with I was comfortable, but when it was time to drive home I was getting pain in my hip and back. More comfortable in bed than the last few nights though.
I'm not concentrating very well while this pain is bothering me so that's not good for my mental health. I am panicking that it's never going away. The thing about how sitting down makes it worse means I am having to rethink and find new ways plan my activities and rest. Hoping to go for another walk later, but I'm feeling so tired with it all.
27 April
Morning (almost), hope you're doing ok.
The good news is my aches and pains are more bearable today.
I have done some washing, hung it out and sent an email whilst waiting for my 2pm call. Currently on hold for the GP dispensery line because this month there is another unknown problem with ordering the same items at the regular time ðŽ I've been 3 in the queue for 10 minutes and wonder how long it gets before you can request a call back. Sigh.
Morning (almost), hope you're doing ok.
The good news is my aches and pains are more bearable today.
I have done some washing, hung it out and sent an email whilst waiting for my 2pm call. Currently on hold for the GP dispensery line because this month there is another unknown problem with ordering the same items at the regular time ðŽ I've been 3 in the queue for 10 minutes and wonder how long it gets before you can request a call back. Sigh.
28 April
Morning everybody, how are things with you?
It is not such a sunny day today, but there's still a little blue sky. Also a bit more pain than yesterday, but it hasn't come back completely.
My call with the psychologist was good. Started to explore the idea of finding a local physio who is up to speed with EDS. He is going to ask his colleagues if they know of anyone near me. Went on to ask about a GP. All his contacts are specialists, so not expecting any help with GPs, but there might be a known local rheumatologist who can perhaps fill in some of the gaps (not getting my hopes up too much though).
29 April
Morning everybody, is your Wednesday working out OK?
I will try to have another short walk today (I've managed a few in a row now which feels really good). The pain came back last night but less than the night before so I'm cautiously hoping it will be ok today.
Thinking about something the psychologist said. I'd suggested writing down a certain activity each day (because I don't reliably remember later) and he asked that I don't write the date so it's not obvious if I miss a day. The reason being that if I notice not doing the thing, it's unhelpful in the context of this list being a record for self compassionate purposes.
This got me thinking. If it's not self compassionate (and therefor harmful to my nervous system) what the hell have I been doing to my nervous system this whole time with my autistic pattern recognition auditing all the things that I have failed to do?
Does anyone know what I mean? Is this pattern recognition or something else entirely? Can you adjust yours to filter out what is unhelpful?
Morning everybody, is your Wednesday working out OK?
I will try to have another short walk today (I've managed a few in a row now which feels really good). The pain came back last night but less than the night before so I'm cautiously hoping it will be ok today.
Thinking about something the psychologist said. I'd suggested writing down a certain activity each day (because I don't reliably remember later) and he asked that I don't write the date so it's not obvious if I miss a day. The reason being that if I notice not doing the thing, it's unhelpful in the context of this list being a record for self compassionate purposes.
This got me thinking. If it's not self compassionate (and therefor harmful to my nervous system) what the hell have I been doing to my nervous system this whole time with my autistic pattern recognition auditing all the things that I have failed to do?
Does anyone know what I mean? Is this pattern recognition or something else entirely? Can you adjust yours to filter out what is unhelpful?
30 April
Happy Thursday! Hope your day is behaving itself.
Eek! I have an in person GP appointment at 2pm. I filled in a form and got a text back almost instantly. Now a bit panicked. I do need to discuss some HRT meds, but I don't know where to start with all the other things that they always back away from, or blame on me, or respond as though I'm being far too tricky.
I am very pleased that I did some crafting last night that was a new skill to me and I had been a bit afraid of tackling. Remember last year I did the weaving workshop? I've still got the pieces of cloth we made and need to finish it. The plan is to cover a lampshade. I need to neaten the edges and yesterday I made a twisted fringe along one short side. It's not bad if I do say so myself. Still no idea how to finish the messy selvedges or to join the two pieces together.
TiggyFor two months running some of my repeat prescriptions aren't showing on the list. No explanation, no response to my queries.
Frustrating isn't it.
@tiggy
To me, it feels like ordering on the NHS app isn't actually accessible, because when I used to email the bumps could always be smoothed out by human communication. With the app you just get no support, nothing.
To me, it feels like ordering on the NHS app isn't actually accessible, because when I used to email the bumps could always be smoothed out by human communication. With the app you just get no support, nothing.
Kaja 
@autoperipatetikos
I hope that you feel better soon and that you can enjoy your evening. ðļ
I hope that you feel better soon and that you can enjoy your evening. ðļ
@KaCi Thanks. I think it's working out quite well. Wishing you the kind of evening you need 
Dr. Figuring-things-aut@autoperipatetikos oufff, hope you feel ok and get some helpful movement in! Pain is never fun ðĐ
@AutisticDoctorStruggles Thanks. So far so good. Just had a short sitting break but will move again soon.
laen ðŋ@autoperipatetikos
i hope things calm and settle for you. and that tonight is a better night.
but it sounds like you've got a new friend! ðŠķ 
@moonrabbit bless him, he's trying so hard!
Thank you. I got my paints out today so that was good.
How are things with you?
Thank you. I got my paints out today so that was good.
How are things with you?
RolloTreadway@autoperipatetikos I hope your zoom gathering goes well and you can find some friends.
@autoperipatetikos
that's lovely! i hope you get plenty of rest this afternoon and that the evening is good and not too tiring.
that's lovely! i hope you get plenty of rest this afternoon and that the evening is good and not too tiring.
@moonrabbit thank you. Have you had an ok day so far? Try to have some restful time if that is possible ð 
Lee C@autoperipatetikos It's so nice when appointments go well with minimal stress. Hope you managed to make a bit of progress with your to-do list.
jessicaI hope you'll feel better tomorrow ð
@jessica thank you. Me too ð
Kevin Davy@autoperipatetikos
We can only do, what we can. The trick, I suppose, is find the balance within that.
We can only do, what we can. The trick, I suppose, is find the balance within that.