genXcrone (she/her)We decided to go on a trip to the mountains. We may have been using Thích Nhất Hạnh as a basis. So here I am, imagining a mountain. It's the Sound of Music mountain. Julie Andrews is spinning in the distance.
My therapist discussed mountan pose and stability, which we abbreviated to sitting because that's what my physical ability permits. I leaned back on my mountain of pillows (see? I am on this theme) and pictured myself as the mountain. A giant of a human, leaning against rocks and dirt, flowers growing up my arms, squirrels skittering across my shoulders, tiny clouds moving in front of my eyes. I can't stand and plant my feet in dirt, so I created a mountain from myself.
She then asked if I wanted to add water. Oh, I did. A stream appeared, from my now orc-mountain's eyes as tears of joy and sorrow and flowed down mountain me to meet human me at a burbling stream. I stuck my hand in to make connection.
A long time ago because of cPTSD I thought it was my purpose in life to endure until I died. Now I want to be that mountain, that endures but also thrives.
I feel amazing. This is new for me, to view myself as this.