Wrenasaurus Tex 22h ago

I came across a vid on tiktok that led me to a search for "dating natural predators". There are a LOT of vids by straight cis women describing the experience of dating cis men. Wowza. It sounds terrifying.

I made the recommendation on one that she try dating #TransMen If I were a straight or bi girlie that's what I would do. All the trans guys I've come across have been really sweet, kind and just good looking guys.

But watching about half dozen or so of those videos from the search reinforced in me the idea that sexual orientation is innate. Sure, there's compulsive heterosexuality and many a woman has been able to identify that in herself and move on but beyond that... eeesh. No other explanation that a woman, cis or trans, would seek out a cis man.

To the straight girlies in the dating pool... I'm so sorry. It sounds rough out there. From guys who will hurt you physically to guys who will manipulate you and hurt you emotionally... ugh. (Yeah the second part of that sentence is a #subtoot you sorry fucking rat bastard)

I can't imagine being attracted to and wanting to date my biggest natural predator. May the odds be ever in your favor.
#dating

Show threadChloChloaca22h ago

@WrenArcher "Try dating trans men" is something that often isn't taken well by the trans men I've talked to. It reinforces the idea that trans men are just "man lite," which is something trans men explicitly don't want to be seen as.

It's kinda like saying "trans women understand men because they're socialized male."

Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 22h ago

@CordiallyChloe
I made the suggestion not because I view trans guys as "man lite" but because I think for cis women the concept of dating a man of trans experience has never crossed their radar.

I hate that trans guys would take it in any other way other than to spread awareness that trans men are in the dating pool as well.

Show threadChloChloaca21h ago
@WrenArcher I guess I don't understand why you'd recommend trans men as an "alternative" then? They're still men, right?
Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 21h ago

@CordiallyChloe
Umm. I didn't suggest she date trans guys as an alternative. I said it because I'm assuming that a huge percentage of cis women that the idea of dating a trans man has never crossed their mind.

Am I missing something?
I'm not calling into question the manhood of trams guys. I'm putting into the viewing area of women that trans guys exist.

Show threadChloChloaca21h ago

@WrenArcher I probably just don't understand the context of your original post then.

Were the girls saying they only date cis men and that cis men are the problem?

And I'm just not clear on how dating a trans man would solve the problem when their issue is with men?

Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 21h ago

@CordiallyChloe
No. They were not saying they date only cis men but unlike you and me, when they say the words "man" or "men" the default for them is "cis man".

And unbeknownst to the cis women in the dating pool, their problem is with cis men, not all men.

And why is that kids? Because trans men are men. It's cis men who more often than not who are displaying toxic masculinity.

Show threadChloChloaca21h ago
@WrenArcher Ok, so then back to my earlier comment - you're treating trans men differently from cis men. And that's what I said most trans men express having a problem with.
Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 21h ago

@CordiallyChloe
Nope. I'm not treating trans men differently.

I'm simply bringing awareness to cis women that straight trans guys exist in the dating pool. They don't think about dating trans guys at all. The default the cis world when it says "man" they're thinking of cis men.

The only way I'm treating trans dudes differently than cis guys is to recognize that more often than not, their version of masculinity isn't toxic.

Show threadChloChloaca

@WrenArcher

>their version of masculinity isn't toxic

But that's not inherently true.

Just like trans women experience the toxic standards of beauty, policing of each other and our own bodies, and even the cattiness and cliquiness of social circles, trans men are affected by toxic masculinity.

We all have to choose whether or not we grow past these.

In circles like mastodon I think we see more people choose to learn and grow out of the shells society tries to build around us. But I'm in a couple discords where I definitely see pretty standard societal expectations of men and women affecting the trans people in those spaces.

Trans people are just as much of a spectrum as cis people and since we are the gender we say we are, we tend to conform to those groups as well.

Apr 5 at 2:42pmWeb