Wrenasaurus Tex 1d ago

I came across a vid on tiktok that led me to a search for "dating natural predators". There are a LOT of vids by straight cis women describing the experience of dating cis men. Wowza. It sounds terrifying.

I made the recommendation on one that she try dating #TransMen If I were a straight or bi girlie that's what I would do. All the trans guys I've come across have been really sweet, kind and just good looking guys.

But watching about half dozen or so of those videos from the search reinforced in me the idea that sexual orientation is innate. Sure, there's compulsive heterosexuality and many a woman has been able to identify that in herself and move on but beyond that... eeesh. No other explanation that a woman, cis or trans, would seek out a cis man.

To the straight girlies in the dating pool... I'm so sorry. It sounds rough out there. From guys who will hurt you physically to guys who will manipulate you and hurt you emotionally... ugh. (Yeah the second part of that sentence is a #subtoot you sorry fucking rat bastard)

I can't imagine being attracted to and wanting to date my biggest natural predator. May the odds be ever in your favor.
#dating

Show threadChloChloaca1d ago

@WrenArcher "Try dating trans men" is something that often isn't taken well by the trans men I've talked to. It reinforces the idea that trans men are just "man lite," which is something trans men explicitly don't want to be seen as.

It's kinda like saying "trans women understand men because they're socialized male."

Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 1d ago

@CordiallyChloe
I made the suggestion not because I view trans guys as "man lite" but because I think for cis women the concept of dating a man of trans experience has never crossed their radar.

I hate that trans guys would take it in any other way other than to spread awareness that trans men are in the dating pool as well.

Show threadChloChloaca1d ago
@WrenArcher I guess I don't understand why you'd recommend trans men as an "alternative" then? They're still men, right?
Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 1d ago

@CordiallyChloe
Umm. I didn't suggest she date trans guys as an alternative. I said it because I'm assuming that for a huge percentage of cis women that the idea of dating a trans man has never crossed their mind.

Am I missing something?
I'm not calling into question the manhood of trans guys. I'm putting into the viewing area of women that trans guys exist.

Show threadChloChloaca1d ago

@WrenArcher I probably just don't understand the context of your original post then.

Were the girls saying they only date cis men and that cis men are the problem?

And I'm just not clear on how dating a trans man would solve the problem when their issue is with men?

Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 1d ago

@CordiallyChloe
No. They were not saying they date only cis men but unlike you and me, when they say the words "man" or "men" the default for them is "cis man".

And unbeknownst to the cis women in the dating pool, their problem is with cis men, not all men.

And why is that kids? Because trans men are men. It's cis men who more often than not who are displaying toxic masculinity.

Show threadFaith, Purple haired feminist 🧋   

@WrenArcher @CordiallyChloe I might also argue that it's not all cis men, either. There's this segment of the female population that keeps going after a particular type of guy and ends up with an AI or crypto bro every damn time.

There are guys out there, cis or trans, that aren't that. They're kind and gentle and loyal. I have two brothers-in-law who are amazing. They're entirely non-toxic. My sisters did really well.

Most of the trans guys I know fall into this bucket but that's more because they're feminists than because they're trans. (And yes, many of us trans girls were that guy but that doesn't mean all kind gentle guys are actually trans girls.)

But if you're attracted to the very visible sort of masculinity and machismo that's common today, then you're likely to end up with a guy who's all projection and nothing else. If you're attracted to muscles and sports cars then you'll get a gym bro. If you're looking for a guy who can pay for everything, you'll find an AI or crypto bro who likes throwing money around. And if that's what you're attracted to and you follow that, it's easy to end up disappointed over and over and over again.

Apr 5 at 2:34pmWeb
Show threadWrenasaurus Tex 1d ago

@faithisleaping
There will never be anyone who can convince me of the argument "not all men".

Unpopular opinion: Every single person who lives (or lived) as a man, cis or trans, benefits or has benefited from the power dynamic of a patriarchal society.

I can't be convinced of "not all men". Some men work very hard to not be that guy who is a complete douchebag but he is still benefiting from being a man in an patriarchal society.

@CordiallyChloe

Show threadFaith, Purple haired feminist 🧋   1d ago
@WrenArcher @CordiallyChloe Then I'm not even sure what discussion is being had anymore.
Show threadChloChloaca1d ago

@faithisleaping @WrenArcher

This is the mindset that I hold as well. It's either "all men" or "not all men." (And not in the obnoxious "notallmen" kinda way. But more literally, just that humans are a spectrum and there will always be exceptions.

I haven't seen any evidence one way or the other that one group is "more" or "less" of an exception than any other.

I do understand the argument that trans men have an opportunity to see beyond their gender roles in a way maybe cis men don't. But this also treads on the conversation of "socialized female" and we know how problematic that is.

From personal experience, I really can't tell the difference between the trans men in my life and the cis men. They're...men. Through and through. Good husbands, good fathers, loving, and kind. But also emotionally distant in some ways. And they like grilling lol.