People wonder why I take a somewhat dim view of humans. They apparently didn't grow up watching the nature documentaries of the 1980s and 1990s, all of which basically went:

Here we see the Paraguayan pygmy elf vole, an adorable and playful little creature whose feces can cure leprosy and whose mere existence raises the average cuteness of all mammals by 17%. Look at this mother nursing her young with almost human-like emotions.

Sadly, because these voles nest exclusively in the prime molybdenum mining territory of Paraguay, humans have been hunting them for sport, and the species is due to go extinct next Tuesday. A few miserable specimens have been kept alive in captivity, but as you can see from their screaming faces, they pray for the sweet release of death.

*Upbeat National Geographic theme music plays*

This documentary sponsored by Chevron!