Honestly I have wasted my life trying to explain the simplest causality and science to them. They’re just too far gone, I mean historically and prehistorically, they seem to have arrived already too far gone. They continue on their divergent trajectory, but it doesn’t look like anything ever could have stopped them, even at the start.
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I see their life cycle, such as it is, I don’t mean it’s functional, but how do you change a life cycle? It’s like asking a caterpillar not to pupate. The first caterpillar that ever did likely didn’t think it had a choice about it.
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I might try my failed life experiment again if I had time and was a billionaire, except this time I’d lose the mother and pack my kids off to Mars to do it. Still, the first failure kind of suggests that wouldn’t work either.
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I know, NT psych even has reasons it wouldn’t work, repression and whatnot, but there’s hints that even without repressed abuse and attitude transmission, that a normal child may be sort of automatically abused and bitter, the way my kid speaks and knowing who I am and what I did, it’s like they can’t imaging a gentle father and couldn’t see one right in front of them. They know my unimpeachable history, they lived with me, but they’re sure I secretly wanted to hurt them regardless. The actual literal abscence of a crime carries no weight, they think they KNOW there had to be malice, this looks like paranoia to me, I can’t put a dent in it.
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And everything I ever felt thought said and did got erased by it.
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #Philosophy #Anthropology @autistics