Because to be in a group where there is an acknowledged auntyness and uncle ness it means that everyone who participates in this

Generally acknowledges and understands our place in some kind of collective

Just earlier today my Bangladeshi friend took me to his Cambodian hair salon in Philly, I said a few things to the haircut auntie and was immediately invited to lunch (I had to decline)

Or like going to some ‘ethnic restaurants’ where I barely know anyone (even from a completely different part of the world), expressing some kind of shared emotion (grandma died), and getting treated with a lot of shared humanity and grief? (I know it’s not just me. This happens to many people I know)

It requires shared spaces, bumping up against people who are completely different from you, and expressing some kind of shared vulnerability or curiosity.

My therapist is Mexican, and we always talk about some of the shared familial norms and expectations and realize there’s so much in common

I never really thought that much about it.

Like sure, the Chinese acupuncturist uncle is always going to be a busybody about my personal life (they all are)

The eyebrow threading aunty always wants to know when I’m going to marry a man (and when I tell her im gay, wants to know everything about my wife)

I feel like there’s a shared experience in some ways especially among immigrants of ‘our families are like this’ and ‘our immigrants lives are like this’ that doesn’t really have to be said. It feels pretty nice to be able to connect with other people who have shared experiences in this way.

There are some things I think are individual / specific to me or my experience. Not sharing it doesn’t mean I don’t get to be an individual, it just means that there are actually many, many aspects in which I enjoy being a part of many communities, and I don’t need to be at the center of it.

I read somewhere that you only need a handful of deep relationships and if you have dozens or hundreds of smaller relationships that can be very meaningful too.

I definitely have that. There are some places / people where I know I can go there after 5 years, we don’t know each other’s names, but I remember they have a child who is going to college now and they remember that my grandma died, and we ask how our family is (even if we’ve never met each others families we know how many people are in it, how old everyone is, what everyone is up to)

I think in some Anglo cultures that’s seen as kind of nosey but done well and respectfully, can make you feel remembered and understood.