Adrianna Tan16h ago
Some friends and I have a theory that if you come from a culture where it’s acceptable and even normal to call random strangers aunty and uncle, you’re much more likely to get fed by strangers all the time
Show threadAdrianna Tan

Because to be in a group where there is an acknowledged auntyness and uncle ness it means that everyone who participates in this

Generally acknowledges and understands our place in some kind of collective

Just earlier today my Bangladeshi friend took me to his Cambodian hair salon in Philly, I said a few things to the haircut auntie and was immediately invited to lunch (I had to decline)

8:59pmWeb
Show threadAdrianna Tan16h ago

Or like going to some ‘ethnic restaurants’ where I barely know anyone (even from a completely different part of the world), expressing some kind of shared emotion (grandma died), and getting treated with a lot of shared humanity and grief? (I know it’s not just me. This happens to many people I know)

It requires shared spaces, bumping up against people who are completely different from you, and expressing some kind of shared vulnerability or curiosity.

My therapist is Mexican, and we always talk about some of the shared familial norms and expectations and realize there’s so much in common

Show threadAdrianna Tan16h ago

I never really thought that much about it.

Like sure, the Chinese acupuncturist uncle is always going to be a busybody about my personal life (they all are)

The eyebrow threading aunty always wants to know when I’m going to marry a man (and when I tell her im gay, wants to know everything about my wife)

I feel like there’s a shared experience in some ways especially among immigrants of ‘our families are like this’ and ‘our immigrants lives are like this’ that doesn’t really have to be said. It feels pretty nice to be able to connect with other people who have shared experiences in this way.

There are some things I think are individual / specific to me or my experience. Not sharing it doesn’t mean I don’t get to be an individual, it just means that there are actually many, many aspects in which I enjoy being a part of many communities, and I don’t need to be at the center of it.

Show threadAdrianna Tan16h ago

I read somewhere that you only need a handful of deep relationships and if you have dozens or hundreds of smaller relationships that can be very meaningful too.

I definitely have that. There are some places / people where I know I can go there after 5 years, we don’t know each other’s names, but I remember they have a child who is going to college now and they remember that my grandma died, and we ask how our family is (even if we’ve never met each others families we know how many people are in it, how old everyone is, what everyone is up to)

I think in some Anglo cultures that’s seen as kind of nosey but done well and respectfully, can make you feel remembered and understood.

Show threadAdrianna Tan15h ago

I especially like that every time I go to my Chinese deep tissue place in Singapore, all of the massage therapists can’t remember my Chinese or my English name but they remember me as ‘that lesbian in California who really really likes pain’.

I’m certain when I go again later in the year that’s going to be written on the board again. It makes me laugh. And I know all of them by their nicknames and favorite foods. ‘The person who really likes chicken wings’ ‘the rice noodle everyday for lunch lady’

Show threadAdrianna Tan15h ago

This is why I always find it weird when English speakers think speakers of other languages are talking about them.

Nope, speakers of most other languages are talking about their favorite foods and what they want to eat together and where to go to find it.

As I speak quite a few, I almost always learn about new dishes and how to cook things and which restaurants to go and which to avoid from these types of conversations! In the bus, at the supermarket.. everywhere. It’s always about food. In almost all languages that I speak.

Show threadSolo la 🌍 salva a la 🌎15h ago

@skinnylatte

Are there many languages you can't suss your way through at this point and really want to learn?

Show threadAdrianna Tan15h ago

@jakebrake I don’t know Spanish as in haven’t spent any time learning it

But will probably do that soon

Show threadStephen15h ago
@skinnylatte my theory about this is that the "five eyes" group of English speaking countries all have a colonising/conquest outlook, and of course those other people would be conspiring against you, the conquerors/settlers/masters. The paranoia of bosses.
Show threadAdrianna Tan13h ago
@stephen oh yeah! Really good observation and very likely
Show threadKinene⭐🐻12h ago

@skinnylatte Interesting that I have run across this with the people in a German choir and also with my Persian step-family.

My husband had lost his job, and we were struggling. A couple of ex-pat choir members found out, and sent me home with various sausages (a very German thing). They had been children in Germany during WWII, and they wanted to make sure we had something to eat.

Show threadzrb15h ago
@skinnylatte mmm rice noodles every day
Show threadjlin15h ago
@skinnylatte moar pain for you at the massage!
Show threadCoach Pāṇini ®15h ago
@skinnylatte 🔥
Show threadjack15h ago
@skinnylatte something something solitary WASPs something...
Show threadclew15h ago

Except that in the US, both the Deep South WASPs (overtly) and the New England WASPs (covertly) are all about the finding out. If you’re lucky, that puts you in their web of many weak ties — best to be an extended “cousin” but okay to be a known specialist of something useful. Or a raconteur.

There are also extensive drawbacks.

@jackeric @skinnylatte

Show threadThat Old Guy with the Beard16h ago
@skinnylatte I just finished a novel by an author — and set in — Singapore and there was a ’Taxi Uncle’ which really clarified that concept of shared extended family. Someone driving a can who you will never see again is an Uncle. Not my experience as Canadian Anglo. I would adopt it in a hot second, however.
Show threadMuss das sein.7h ago
@skinnylatte it sounds like auntyness|uncleness implies people are willing to take responsibility for others?