applebuschWhat do y'all think about the bi-lesbian identity?
Jul (they/she)None of the labels really fit me well especially since I’m technically agender, even if I have a vagina and present femme more often. So there is no homo or hetero since I don’t fit either side and I don’t like bi because it excludes non-binary people who are no bi-gendered, like me. So, I have my internal labels which are pretty loose, and my external labels which are context specific. Pan is the best I’ve come up with as a general term, but I heavily prefer femmes and since I present femme a lot, lesbian works ok. Queer is a good one, too, since it’s nonspecific.
AdaBisexuality is inclusive of non binary folk. The name predates widespread awareness of gender experiences outside the binary, but the even back nearly 40 years ago, the bisexual manifesto was quite clear that bisexuality includes folk whose gender falls outside the binary.
That doesn’t mean you need to use the label for yourself, but it’s important to recognise that the label itself isn’t inherently exclusive
What I’d like to know is if there’s a term for those who prefer non-binary folks over binary folks? Like Jul, I’m agender but present femme (because it’s easier with my body type. I just don’t care enough to perform gender in any particular way.) I’m most attracted not to cis-men or cis-women, but to those of ambiguous gender presentation. Butch women, femmeboys, people that can’t be squared into any particular box - they catch my attention in a way that “traditionally attractive” masculine men and feminine women never have. Trans individuals (sometimes even before they come out) also catch my eye more than cis individuals. I’ve had two boyfriends who transitioned to become girlfriends during the times we dated. I use the label “pansexual” instead of “bisexual” because I feel that it better captures these groups, but it fails when the part of the gender spectrum that I’m most drawn to is outside of the line.
I ask in part because you seem very knowledgeable about this, but also because other commenters might know new terms that I am unfamiliar with. Surely I’m not alone in this regard. Is queer-sexual a thing? As well, is there a term for those of us who are attracted to trans individuals, but not as a fetish? I would love to have a way to express that I’m interested in dating them, not because I’m looking to live out some “forbidden fantasy”, but because they’re part of the non-cis group that I’m generally attracted to. Sometimes I worry about putting that I’m attracted to trans people in a dating profile because I know there are oceans of people who see trans individuals as sex objects, and the last thing I want to do is make them feel like all I care about is their genitals. After all, they’ve gone on inner journeys to discover themselves, and despite society telling them who they should be, they stand strong on who they know they are. And to me, that is hot, no matter what equipment they have.