Truth is I don't know. Gender seems a complicated, vague concept to me, and I don't know why I feel the need to be a woman. It wasn't intentional. I never experienced any great internal revelation or certainty.

Nonetheless, evidentially, I am happier and more well-balanced as a woman. Even despite the transphobia I experience.
2/

I don't generally "feel like a woman". I feel like me.

But, like, do you understand that for decades before I transitioned I was fantasising about, pining for, the idea of having a female body, of being recognised as a woman, going thru life as one?

I tried to stoically accept that I was a man, I tried to embrace non-traditional masculinity, I tried everything to make this need go away. It didn't.

So I have to conclude, this is something real.
3/

And then, having run out of other options, I finally tried the things I had ruled out previously as too scary, the things that would bring judgment down on me.

I tried transition. Tho at the time I hadn't even realised myself as a woman.

I was shit scared. I did it anyway.
4/

I tried painting my nails. It brought me happiness. I tried feminine accessories. They brought comfort. I tried shaving my body hair. It felt calming.

I started dressing in femme clothes, around the house. It felt exciting at first, then just... right.

And then I went on hormones. And everything accelerated. My body itself began to feel like a home, like a friend. I hadn't realised how much or how long I had been suffering, because it had just felt normal.
5/

This is fact: transitioning to be more female in body, more feminine in presentation, and taking on a female-coded social role, made me feel vastly better in myself.

I know this is true of me, and many like me. And the experiences of transmasculine people in the other direction inform me that it's not as simple as womanhood just being better for everyone. It was something about me.
6/

That's it. That's what I've got. Just my experience.

No grand theory that explains everything, no intellectual justification. I can't explain this any more than you can.

But my experience is real. And I cannot stand by if you're going to "debate" the reality of it.

I exist. I'm right here. Look at me.
Fin/

@Tattie I'm a cis guy. I've always been in favor of trans rights since I learned trans people were a thing, but I did spend a number of years not really getting why someone would be trans.

Then one day I just had the thought, "What if I woke up tomorrow with a female body?" And after the obvious jokes that immediately came to mind, I actually thought about being stuck in the wrong body, unable to get back, and I had to stop because I almost gave myself a panic attack.

I'm an on-again-off-again recreational author, so I frequently find myself in unusual thought experiments. Which is to say, I hadn't intended to have a moment of profound empathy for trans people, but as soon as I calmed down I thought, Oh, this must be how a lot of trans people feel all time.

All of that to say: I see you. It's real. I think most cis people, if they put just a few minutes into the activity, would be forced to admit that if they were suddenly body swapped, they'd be desperate to get back to their correct body. Most cis people just never seriously confront the thought.

@Azuaron do you know? You're the first cis person I've spoken to willing to seriously entertain this thought experiment.

Most cis men make jokes about boobs, and most cis women focus on the privilege aspect. But almost everyone seems to falter at the deep imaginative act of their body being wrong for them.

I'm really glad you commented, because it's heartening to know that this sort of empathy is in fact possible— and that it plays out exactly as I would imagine, panic and all.

Thank you.