the streets are mud and the mud is not mud. it is a melange of mud and animal feces and human feces because people throw their literal shit into the streets and their shit has hookworm larvae in it

you are getting hookworm. it's in the mud and the mud is everywhere and the larvae only need to find literally any of your skin

you're getting pinworms. everyone has them and no one is washing their hands so they're on everyone and everything all the time especially the food

you are getting lice immediately. everyone has lice. there is no escape from the lice

do not eat the meat. it has been at room temp since the animal was alive and also the animal had parasites

don't drink the water. the water has cholera. don't drink the milk. the milk is unpasteurized and came from a cow that also has parasites

you will be offered ale. the ale was brewed in conditions that would make a gas station bathroom look like an operating room. drink it anyway because the water is worse

the pork has trichinosis. they are not cooking to internal temperature because thermometers don't exist. it's worms. everything is worms. the past was just made of worms

your gut has lived its entire life in a refrigerated paradise. it is a sheltered indoor cat that has just been dropped in the woods. it will not survive

your body was built with high fructose corn syrup and microplastics. you are a corn syrup and plastic golem trying to run on turnips and oats. you will crash