Mastodawn

I want to make the messiest fucking choices right now lolsob

can't really tell what flavor of disaster I'm being, tbh.

Maybe I'm being kind of shitty even imagining this is still possible--they have a whole robust internal life outside of me, after all. Time has been changing them like it has been changing me. Maybe they have lost interest and I am just being self-centered.

or maybe I am torturing myself for no reason, monkishly holding myself back from something that could be good.

deeply fucking unclear. fucking ugh 🙃

gonna listen to loud music about it.

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through a queer len

if only i could trust myself about anything, ever, instead of endlessly scrutinizing myself 😅 🙃

...wonder when my next meeting is with my psychiatrist 🤔 😂 fuck this rumination bullshit ugh.

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through a queer len 2d ago

it's too far out; gonna have to reschedule.

thinking also about how my therapist was gently encouraging me to explore platonic kink lmfao 🤣 maybe they were onto something 🤔 maybe I AM emotionally mature to keep those lines from crossing (I am not lmfaoooo)

I hate that my brain is a fucking asshole 😂 I have to hold too many fucking things in my awful noisy head and I would just. yeah. would be nice to get some space from that 😂