ah-DorchaichI dont have words to express how I hate myself. Such a failure.
I will never get money via doing digital stuff. No one wants even free art from me, apparently my art sucks that much. I dont fail deadlines even when I am in deep depression tho. The only person who asked for free artwork deleted their account recently. It is hella sad, I miss them very very much.
Then. am sociophobic and depressed and with cPTSD. I cant be often online, am not active at all.
I recently had to remove "be present/online" from my daily tasks bc I just fucking cant. And ofc no one is interested in following and ordering stuff from such a person.
All I can show is WIPs. I do love my art, I do not consider it shitty. But maybe just not the style people like?..
Am also such a shit of an everything because I cant even open the pile of notifications now. I know I wont be able to read them all. This is so sucky of me bc I do engage in conversations, but then just disappear for days.
And nope, drawing for money was never my goal. My goal was to be an activist and draw for free for FOSS projects and activist organisations. But my family cant survive capitalism and I still wanted to open commissions for Monero (to not give our money to capitalism exactly), bc I physically cant get a normie j*b - am very low-functioning, almost disabled nowadays.
It all sucks and I suck.