Dinner is served, milady. Your entree this evening is pureed salmon and coconut oil with a soupçon of thyroid medication. Your main is tuna and prawns in broth with a little rice and carrots, and to finish we have your favourite: a splash of lactose-free milk.

Should you require a snack at any time, please help yourself to the nibbles on the plate under the chair - with the compliments of the house. #catsOfMastodon