Stephen Hoffman
kim_harding ✅May you live in interesting times... https://no01.substack.com/p/march-19-21-god-is-a-comedian Three weeks into the Iran war, reality has passed through the looking glass, out the other side, and is now selling tickets to the gift shop. What follows is not satire. Satire requires exaggeration, and you cannot exaggerate something that is already operating at maximum absurdity. This is simply the news, and nothing but the news. Told straight, in a universe that has clearly stopped taking its medication.
Hans-Cees 🌳🌳🤢🦋🐈🐈🍋🍋🐝🐜@kim_harding confirmed by CENTCOM, which used the phrase “emergency landing” in the way that a funeral director might describe death as “a permanent change of address”.
FinchHaven sfbaWait, wait, wait
I thought that some brilliant retired US Senator said the US was going to carve a canal across Saudi Arabia specifically for US amphibious assaults using dozens of nuclear bombs
Did I get something wrong here?
It was all over the "news"...
Dealiah@kim_harding Well written and the title had me thinking of these lyrics from Blasphemous Rumors by Depeche Mode:
I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humour
And when I die, I expect to find him laughing.
xaxat@kim_harding The ending of that is so right - It is a well-established fact that the universe has a sense of humour.
It is an equally well-established fact that the best response to the universe's sense of humour is a stiff drink, a comfortable chair, and the quiet confidence that eventually, even the universe runs out of material.
It is an equally well-established fact that the best response to the universe's sense of humour is a stiff drink, a comfortable chair, and the quiet confidence that eventually, even the universe runs out of material.
Tubemeister@kim_harding “and is now selling tickets to the gift shop.”
I first read that as “grift shop”, and, yeah, that works.
tootbruteFriday’s press gaggle. Barely exaggerated: at 12:03 PM, President Trump told reporters he wanted a ceasefire with Iran. At 12:05 he declared victory. At 12:07 he announced he was sending Marines. At 12:08 he said no boots on the ground. At 12:11 he said he did not want a ceasefire. At 12:16 he declared victory again. At 12:17 he asked for a ceasefire. At 12:23 he told NATO they were cowards. At 12:29 he said Iran was begging for a ceasefire. At 12:31 he said everything was perfect. At 12:36 he said $500 oil was a good thing. At 12:37 he demanded Iran open Hormuz. At 12:39 he said Hormuz was never closed. At 12:41 he said the US was not at war with Iran. At 12:42 he declared victory in Iran.
If I read the in a novel, I would laugh at the authors incredulous, non-sensical plot
Pēteris Krišjānis@kim_harding as I am trying to keep my mind not constantly bombarded (ok, interesting choice of word by me), I did not know 80% of this.
This is very dangerous and very tragic and very very darkly funny.
Fact is that lots of serious guys with lots of billions backed this farce (unwittingly but dear lord they are fucking dumb) is icing on cake.
This is very dangerous and very tragic and very very darkly funny.
Fact is that lots of serious guys with lots of billions backed this farce (unwittingly but dear lord they are fucking dumb) is icing on cake.
ash@kim_harding
Very welcomed conclusion to this eloquent piece of equally welcomed shitting on all the shit
> It is an equally well-established fact that the best response to the universe's sense of humour is a stiff drink, a comfortable chair, and the quiet confidence that eventually, even the universe runs out of material.
Very welcomed conclusion to this eloquent piece of equally welcomed shitting on all the shit
> It is an equally well-established fact that the best response to the universe's sense of humour is a stiff drink, a comfortable chair, and the quiet confidence that eventually, even the universe runs out of material.
HoldMyType@kim_harding @david_chisnall The United States is purchasing, with Chinese currency, oil from the country it is currently bombing?! The same oil that funds the missiles that just shot down an F-35 for the first time. The same missiles that are redecorating allied oil infrastructure.
Erica Laeta@kim_harding I absolutely love your writing style.
@ericalaeta Sadly I didn't write that, I wish I had 😉
I don't know who wrote it, but their style is brilliant
I don't know who wrote it, but their style is brilliant
Wolf480pl@kim_harding
> The USS Gerald R. Ford, meanwhile, the most expensive warship in human history, is retreating to Crete. The official reason is a “laundry fire”. 266 consecutive days at sea, 28 days short of the Vietnam-era deployment record, and the crown jewel of the US Navy is fleeing the theatre, not because of being damaged in combat, not because missiles are flying around it… But because someone's skivvies got too hot.
This is either ignorant, or written in bad faith.
@kim_harding
The ship is going to port for maintenance *because* of those 266 consecutive days at sea.
It was long overdue, and when your maintenance is long overdue, shit starts to break. That happens to almost every machine. Nothing to make fun of.
If the author wants to make fun of sth, make fun of US not putting another carrier in the Gulf immediately after Ford left for Venezuela.
Cat Poníčková@wolf480pl @kim_harding rotation is expected, but then exactly the idiocy is at starting the war knowing the key component of your battlegroup will have to be rotated out two weeks into it, wtf
@poni @kim_harding
AFAIK its scheduled maintenance time was in the middle of the Special Maduro Operation.
Also, the US did not exactly choose when to start a war - AFAIU they were in a rush to start it while there's still a potential for protests in Iran.
It seems they're 1 carrier short - if they had one more, they could've sent it to the Gulf to replace Ford, and be able to intervene when the protests were happening, instead of doing that 1.5 months later.
@wolf480pl @kim_harding i don't think it'd be very controversial to say that exactly nothing in this entire operation screams "good planning"
@poni @kim_harding
Yeah, but I don't get why getting damaged in combat would be somehow more virtuous.
And in general, I don't like the surface-level mockery - it seems to imply that US has to be utterly incompetent to let those things happen, which I disagree with.
I think the US is pushing its luck to seize a once-in-a-decade opportunity.
Now, if someone were to argue that there was no chance this would succeed, and US should've known it from the start, that'd be another story.
@wolf480pl @kim_harding getting damaged in combat with iran would not be virtuous, that would be an absolute disaster if they let it happen (or could not avoid)
@poni @kim_harding
right?
Yet the article somehow makes it sound like it would've been less worthy of mockery.
@wolf480pl @kim_harding there is more surface idiocy in the article, like the F-35 bit
@wolf480pl there is no chance this would succeed, and US should've known it from the start! End of.
@wolf480pl That is the point of the article, there was no prior planning or any form of competency from the US Commander in Chief...
@kim_harding
If there was no prior planning whatsoever we'd be seeing far worse results.
Most countries have contingency plans for all kinds of wars, and regularly update them.
I think it's highly unlikely that US did not have a contingency plan for a war with Iran.
They probably didn't have a comprehensive plan titled "War with Iran in February 2026", because they likely didn't know the protests would break out in Iran until the protests broke out.
@kim_harding
Also, it's not the POTUS's job to make plans for military operations.
It's the Pentagon's job.
And the Pentagon probably came to the president and asked: "Here's as much of a plan as we could come up with, here are the risks, here are the benefits if we succeed. Is this a gamble you want to take?"
1/
If the Pentagon had every information needed to correctly predict the risks, and somehow predicted it wrong, then yeah, that's incompetence.
But what if Pentagon and POTUS knew exactly that this is what would be happening, and POTUS decided it's a price US is willing to pay?
That's a difference in how much POTUS values various things, or in risk tolerance.
A surface-level mockery won't help us tell these two apart.
2/2
Juan Per¢ent,🇲🇽 🍉,🇻🇪@kim_harding I already knew this was once in a décade clusterfuck. After reading (while giggling nervously) this account, it now looks like a once in a century clusterfuck.
Iran has not only Trump and allies by the balls...its got the deed if Mar-a-lago, a claim over every firstborn male Trump for générations, and the power to make a 150 year old very bloody empire stumble.
Inshallah.
Iran has not only Trump and allies by the balls...its got the deed if Mar-a-lago, a claim over every firstborn male Trump for générations, and the power to make a 150 year old very bloody empire stumble.
Inshallah.