Faith, Purple haired feminist 🧋   5d ago

Things I've learned about myself in the last 4 years of transition:

1. I'm a girl. You'd think this would be something I'd have known before I started transitioning but it wasn't. I thought I wanted to be but that I am took a lot longer.

2. My favorite color is purple. 💜 I used to say by favorite colors were blue and black but that's mostly because I was afraid to embrace a "girly color".

3. I'm a fashion girl. Not only do I love buying and wearing pretty things but what I'm wearing has a big effect on how I feel about myself, how I feel in my body, and my confidence.

4. I love being a software engineer. I still check in on myself with this one pretty regularly because a lot of trans girls find out they actually hate it and bolt as soon as they can. But not me. I still love it.

5. I'm outgping. I'm still somewhat socially awkward thanks to autism and a lack of practice but I'm not actually that introverted. I love being around people and I love meeting and getting to know new people, as long as they're not assholes.

6. I'm actually a pretty cool person and people like me. I used to think my brains were the only thing people liked me for. Get good grades, get a good degree, get a good job, be impressive and then people will like you. But now? People just like me and think I'm cool without knowing anything about my grades or my work.

7. I love food and travel. I did some before but I never really embraced it. Now I love to cook and I actively look forward to every trip and every time I get to see a new city, hear a new language, and experience another culture.

8. I'm sappy as hell. 😂 Sci-fi and fantasy don't do much for me anymore. Give me a sappy romance or a good drama and I'll bawl my eyes out. I love a good coming of age story, too. Trauma and well-presented dysfunction are welcome as well. Anything which hits me in the feels. It doesn't even have to be good as long as it isn't terrible.

I could probably go on. This is just what came to mind today. If you showed me that list 10 years ago, I would have laughed at you.

Especially 3. I wore basically the same thing every day from middle school up until about 3 years ago. Now I'm worried I have a shopping addiction. 😂

Show threadBernie Luckily Does It5d ago
@faithisleaping I'm really curious about that "a lot of trans girls find out they hate [software engineering] and bolt." Why do you think that is?
Show threadFaith, Purple haired feminist 🧋   5d ago

@BernieDoesIt There's a lot of reasons but one is that a lot of us end up there because it's a place you can hide. Wear the video game T-shirts, write the code, and you'll be fine. Sure, you still have to perform masculinity to a certain extent but nerdy guy is an easy enough role to play if you've already got the nerdy bit.

There's also a lot of girls who get CS degrees as a dysphoria coping mechanism. When you feel shit about yourself and you're dying inside but you're good with computers, it's something you can do that people will like you for. It gives you a sense of identity when you can't find anything else. You might not know who you are but you're good with computers and you can find identity in that.

Oh, and if you struggle socially, especially in your relationship with other girls, you can explain away a hell of a lot of that with being a nerd. I skipped out on the worst of many a dance by being the photographer.

I'm sure there's other reasons but those are the ones that come to mind tonight.

Show threadBernie Luckily Does It
@faithisleaping This makes a lot of sense.
Mar 23 at 3:03amWeb