StrypeyMar 14

Dating apps are rough. Decided to give Tinder one more go. It's enshittified heaps since the last round.

That aside, in some of the photos the 1000 yard stare of a mistreated human being stands out like a dog in a cattery. I can just about see the reflection of the people who hurt them in their eyes. It's heartbreaking.

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#DatingApps #Tinder #trauma

Show threadStrypeyMar 14

I like Bumble's model better than Tinder's. It makes way more sense for hetro dating to normalise the woman choosing from her matches and sending the first message, rather than drowning in a flood of naff texts and dic pics from potential suitors. Also men don't have our confidence eroded by a flood of implicit rejections, so it's better for us too. *Especially* those of us with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

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#Bumble #RSD

@actuallyadhd

Show threadCyMar 15
I'm extremely suspicious of any "dating app." Those companies do not make money when you find a stable, long-term relationship, and in fact the lonelier and more miserable we are, the more money they make.

Instead you should find an actual matchmaker, who doesn't get paid in full until the relationship works out. But of coursedating app marketersmysterious influences beyond our ken are constantly pushing the narrative that matchmakers are evil and will force you to marry someone you hate. So they're kind of hard to come by.

CC: @[email protected]
Show threadStrypey1d ago

@cy
> "dating app." companies do not make money when you find a stable, long-term relationship

Not what everyone is looking for, but I get the point. They get more eyeball time and data when you're not with an attractive human in person.

> you should find an actual matchmaker, who doesn't get paid in full until the relationship works out

Hmm. I just posted a call for a federated dating app, but could we build a federated *matchmaking* app?

#MatchMaking

Show threadCy1d ago
Honestly a matchmaking (app?) technique on the Fediverse would probably work better than straight dating. You'd privately message the matchmaker with what you're looking for and some information about yourself, and they'd recommend people to you. They'd be in a good position to do so, since people send them their info, without having to publish that info for everyone to see.

There are problems with it of course.
Show threadStrypey

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@cy
> Honestly a matchmaking (app?) technique on the Fediverse would probably work better than straight dating ... people send them their info, without having to publish that info for everyone

Probably would, since AP doesn't support robust privacy features. Although maybe if and when the E2EE stuff based on MLS is ready to use? In the meantime, it would be an interesting experiment to use Matrix or XMPP+OMEMO(+some other XEPs?) to federated dating services.

Mar 23 at 1:05amWeb
Show threadStrypey1d ago

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@cy
> privately message the matchmaker with what you're looking for and some information about yourself, and they'd recommend people

What existing dating apps do is make a Trained #MOLE the matchmaker, and as with most things, MOLEs aren't really very good at this (not their fault, they're just digital moles). A service that puts humans in this role instead is an intriguing idea.

How would people get nominated to be matchmakers? By the service, and the people using it?

Show threadCy1d ago
I'm a matchmaker. #matchmaker Send me your details and I'll forward you the profiles of anyone you match with. That's how.

The question of how to find the best matchmaker is... a recommender algorithm, which requires like... multidimensional regression and is beyond my ability to comprehend...

But nominating a matchmaker is as simple as sending someone your matchmaking details.
Show threadCy1d ago
I think the slight increase in privacy of directly messaging matchmakers would absolutely destroy data miners and manipulators, even if it wasn't encrypted. Important thing is not just anyone gets to know that.

One idea I had for a communication network in fact was deliberate middle-manning. You middle-man between your friend and a new contact you recommended for them, so that new contact's exact identity isn't revealed to your friend right away. And they could use steganography, and multiple random middle-men to get the true identity across the wire. Like if we have three mutuals, who all know my key, I can send it to you through them, and unless they're all coordinating, you'll get it at least once.

So that's kind of like dating via a matchmaker middle-man until enough trust is formed.