I have had a a Bad Mood for most of the last few days. I mean weeks. I mean years.
This correlates strongly with the conditions of my life and the wider world being unpleasant-to-horrific.
I am reminding myself that being upset and unfulfilled is natural under the circumstances, and that many face far worse
Despite recommendations to Try Harder and Shake Things Up, which I have done over and over, I remain financially burdened into what is basically house arrest. I work from home, I get a few exhausted hours in the evening, and then I medicate myself to sleep and wake up.
Debt grows and savings do not.
This is not working; I honestly have no idea what else to do.
did u ever seen this post
https://www.tumblr.com/nitewrighter/779101283437150208/me-i-dont-get-it-i-thought-i-was-doing-a-lot
@aloe yes!!! I think about this all the time now, including in the framing of these thoughts 😆🥲
Like……. yeah. It makes sense that I don’t “feel good” as fascists sweep the land, blowing things up and black bagging people while I struggle to keep working a stupid job that barely makes ends meet despite being more money than I made for a decade of somewhat-freer life (in
which all of this was also happening and ramping up)
Osha is right. I want to think it will get better. I don’t, really. But 🤷♀️
@aloe It’s particularly painful when I remember that the “better” times were also pre-transition, and so they all happened to a version of me that was struggling with a whole other suite of problems.
I just have to shrug and keep trying, and try to outlive my enemies!
nina splendorr 🌻🏳️⚧️
aloe