Mastodawn

I’m so old I remember reading the ingredients on the shampoo bottle because my brother took the bathroom joke book with him after pooping.

I’m so old I remember grabbing The Onion from the free dispenser outside my apartment building.

I’m so old I get a PSA test annually and need to schedule a colonoscopy

I do regret not ordering the matching embroidered “Face” and “Ass” towels from an ad in The Onion when I had a chance.

I thought you meant an actual onion and wondered who puts onions in a dispenser like they were gumballs.

So he could tie one to his belt, as was the style at the time.

You couldn’t get white onions because of the war, so they only had those big yellow ones.

Gawd, I HATE onions, but I have observed that many humans love them so much, that I believe a coin-operated Onion dispenser would be a huge success.

But like I said, I DESPISE onions, so my understanding of the human adoration for Onions may be poorly calibrated.

Are you a robot?

I’m so old, I worried about getting shingles, and was greatly relieved when I got my second shot.

Get your shingles shots, old folks, or one day you’re going to catch it, and you will REGRET not getting that vaccine.

Kids today don’t know about weekly, local, free, almost-always leftist, alternative press papers.