I totally see where you’re coming from, and it really sucks that the loudest and worst offenders online are almost always presenting as men. I often find that women’s and queer spaces IRL are so much more inviting and less aggressive than general admission spaces.

Since this is a public post, I just want to say to the men lurking that this is a vent post and so it says “all” a lot, but please try to see that she’s expressing hurt and not intending this as an attack or an expression of hatred for men. 🙏

to be honest I think it’s only a minority of men who are a real problem - but they’re numerous enough that it makes it hard to know who is safe or not, and even among the safe ones I think there can be some behaviors that can easily come across the wrong way (like, it’s a fine line between being helpful and mansplaining, for example)

It might be true that a “minority of men who are a real problem” but there’s also a minority of allies. I think the largest segment of men just go with the flow. They’ll laugh at a sexist joke if the majority are laughing or stay silent if the majority stay silent. I’ve seen some real allies shut down misogynistic comments here on Lemmy, and it’s really heartening. They get downvoted for it, but they shut down the circle jerk. I think it’s because they’re men signaling disapproval. The other guys might not like it, but they listen. I think Gen Z will not be quite as progressive as I was hoping, but I’m really hoping the next gen will tip us over the edge and we’ll hit a critical mass of allies so that men are less confident being openly misogynistic.