It seems like there's a whole vast subculture of men who are devoted to making themselves attractive to the opposite sex...but in a way that is, in actual fact, mostly aimed at other men. Does that makes sense? Like the question of whether women actually want or like this stuff is almost irrelevant.

It's basically: make yourself attractive to women in a way that wins the approval of other men. If you just wanted to appeal to women *directly* & you didn't care about other men, you'd probably just, I dunno, develop a sense of humor or interest in other people or something. Learn how to cook.