Tattie

Just one trans woman's opinion, but I hold that the ideal way to recover from accidentally misgendering a person and being called out is to simply repeat the sentence, corrected. No apologies (or just a quick "sorry" or "pardon" if it flows), no justifications. It happens. We get it. Nobody's looking to shame anyone, only correct a mistake before it perpetuates.

A: "And then he told me that he wanted to..."
B: "They"
A: "And then they told me that they wanted to meet me at this coffee shop..."

Mar 19 at 11:55amWeb
Show threadLu 🇦🇲2d ago
@Tattie I personally take the "sorry" before the correction as the active acknowledgement of the mistake. It may depend on the context but I think I appreciate it.
Show threadLu 🇦🇲2d ago
@Tattie Like a verbal "undo" button, also used for anything else like bad pronunciation or a slip-of-the-tongue.
Show thread🌈 Espii 🏳️‍⚧️2d ago
@Tattie personally what I find the most important is that people don't make a huge deal out of it should it happen, apologize for the lapse and move on. I really don't need to hear someone's self flagellation that disrupts the flow of conversation
Show threadforestine2d ago
@espyeen @Tattie this is the thing
Show threadAmy Worrall2d ago
@Tattie yup, this is polite, natural, and you move on quickly and don't dwell on a mistake.
Show threadanne.💫2d ago
@Tattie This is so good. I like; imma use it in the future. :)
Show threadKeeper of the orb2d ago

@Tattie im def w you on this

like... cis accidentally misgender eachother (or pets) all the time and correct themselves without a production

thats really all we want

cuz when they make it a production of self flagellation not only do -we- feel bad for sticking up for ourselves but it also stops being abt basic respect for us and becomes a public spectacle of the cis demanding everyone and god reassure them theyre a good person. which uhhh is pretty narcy

Show threadMax Leibman2d ago
@Tattie I’ve gotten in the habit of specifically saying simply, “Sorry, my mistake.” I want to own it but also communicate that I don’t need the emotional labor of forgiveness or comfort. And I always repeat it correctly, as you say.
Show threadAidan2d ago
@Tattie co-signed by an enby
Show threadBel Tamtu | Critter Unit2d ago
@Tattie This transenby person concurs. It's also what I prefer. No apologies, nothing more than a quick and simple correction and moving right along. Pronoun slips happen, even for cis people, even experienced and skilled pronoun users, nobody is shaming you, it happens, just correct yourself and move on, that's what I'm doing.
Show threadSablebadger2d ago

@Tattie This is what I try to do.

We've got a trans kid, and after 18 years of he, him, we have to change and ITS HARD. Anyone who says it's easy to a parent needs to give us some slack. 18 years of training, daily usage. it's not gonna happen overnight.

We're actively trying though. We are honestly trying. I actually found it easier to go to They/Them first, then start working towards she/her. I can mostly get they right, she is a longer stretch.

I support my trans kid, full stop.

Show threadTattie2d ago

@Sablebadger after I came out as trans to them both, the difference between how my mum spoke about me and my dad did was really night and day. Both of them struggled, but you could see my mum getting it more and more often, and caring whether she did or not. "I've been practicing", she said to me once, and it was clear she had been— she gendered me correctly more often than not that day.

My dad... he only gendered me correctly when specifically prompted, and then would return to he/him the very next sentence. It was clear that it was me correcting him which bothered him, not him getting it wrong. I gave up, eventually, and by the time he passed away he still didn't "get" my transition or my pronouns.

But coming up to five years of transition now, my mum is one of my best allies, and genders me correctly consistently. I honestly expected it to take more time, but I'm overjoyed at how it's turned out.

Show threadSablebadger2d ago

@Tattie ironically I'm a little better at it than my wife, but we're both in full support.

It's hard to see your child struggle with their identity, but we made it clear from the first moment they came out to us in middle school that we loved then no matter what.

It's a lot. But we're in it together.

Show threadBIG KRIMPIN2d ago
@Tattie i always go "ohwhoopssorry" and then correct/continue