Janne M. Korhonen
A time for a hobby thread! My translations of one quality export from the #Soviet / #Communist bloc: #jokes. My source is a 1965 Finnish collection "Be serious, comrade: anecdotes from People's Democracies" (Ole totinen, toveri: kaskuja kansandemokratioista). Will be adding more occasionally.
Mar 19 at 9:23amWeb
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
Q: Who were the first seventeen communists? A: Adam and Eve, because they were naked and lived in a Paradise. And the Twelve Apostles, because they taught, even though they didn't know how to read or write. ---
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
Nikita Khrushchev talks with Yuri Gagarin after his return. Nikita asks: "Tell me, comrade Gagarin, did you see any winged white beings up there?" "I did," Gagarin answers. Nikita furrows his brows and sighs. "God damnit, just as I feared. But promise that you won't talk of this to anybody." ...
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
... The Archbishop of Moscow also wants to see the spaceman and asks: "Did you see any winged white beings up there?" Gagarin thinks for a while and replies: "No, I did not." The Archbishop furrows his brows and sighs: "Just as I suspected. Please, don't tell anyone." ---
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
[The Radio Yerevan, broadcast from the capital of Soviet Armenia, is one of the most brilliant achievements in the world of humour. Its "You ask - we answer" section has, over the years, solved most thorniest economic and societal problems.]
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
Radio Yerevan was asked: What is the difference between a revelation and a miracle? We answer: If Jesus reveals Himself to the Party Central Committee to solve economic problems, it is a revelation. If the Central Committee does something on its own, it is a miracle. ---
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
A mass was taking place in a Polish church, but one man remained standing during the proceedings. Those nearby tried to get him to kneel and whispered: "Kneel!" "I can't, I'm an atheist." "What are you doing in a church then?" "I oppose the government." ---
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
East German comrade Müller was summoned in front of a Party court accused of secret Christianity, holding to the remnants of unscientific and bourgeois religiousness. "But comrades, that is impossible! ...
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
... I have been a Party member since 1924, suffered over a decade in a concentration camp, fought actively both for peace and against imperialist warmongers..." "Don't lie, Müller," comrade judge interrupted, "we have evidence." ...
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
... "Your janitor has watched you from a keyhole and seen you cross yourself every morning before leaving for work." Müller was shocked stiff. He thought and thought, and eventually he realised: ...
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
... Every morning he first touched the cockade in the hat to check it was was straight. Then he felt that the Party pin was in his right lapel. Then he brought his hand over his left breast pocket to ensure the Party membership book was secure. And finally he checked his pants were buttoned. ---
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
After having been created Adam drew breath, observed the beauty of Paradise and declared: "What a morning! I'm the first human ever! Once I shall be told about in history books!" There were sudden sounds from the underbrush and a hairy head appeared. Adam was dazzled: "Who are you?" ...
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
... "I'm just a Russian inventor, comrade Ivan Ivanovich..." [Note: this joke plays on the famous Russian habit of claiming practically every invention as being "really" invented by a Russian.] ---
Show threadJanne M. Korhonen4d ago
Radio Yerevan was asked: Is there socialism in heaven? We answer: Don't be stupid! What kind of a heaven would that be? ---