PixelNomadWould you ever call your son a disappointment?
「黃家駒 Wong Ka Kui」 | (aka: 鳳凰院 凶真 Hououin Kyouma)Bruh I’m an Asian son and I’ve been on the receiving end of these words 💀
Edit: To answer the question. No wtf I’m never gonna say these type of things to my children (if I ever have children)
OriginEnergySuxNo, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that
Or an influencer.
depends on what they do. theres 2 types, a rich influencer (the most common as most of them tend to come from upper middle class and beyond) and the “semi not come from money ones”. if they produce greed slop likes of mr beast or become a uninformed political influencer than that would be a disappointment.
Being a pedophile isn’t a choice, it’s a psychological dysfunction. Acting on that impulse is a crime and something to be punished - or treated in a medical facility.
ickplantThank you for saying that. I have worked with MAPs (minor attracted people), and majority of them do not want to offend, and understand they can never act on their desires. They were actively seeking treatment and felt suicidal because of their attraction.
Also I learned that about half (?) of sexual acts on minors aren’t even done by people with pedophilia but because the victims seemed to be vulnerable - so less likely to fight back or tell someone.
I dont care. If my hypothetical son that will never be born turns into a pedophile and has sex with children, then i will call them a dissapointment.
wouldnt that be the fault of the parent for not monitoring the upbring of thier children.
probably i dunno, i hate kids
I’d like to believe I wouldn’t, but I’m a flawed man, and going crazy with my words is one of my big ones. Hopefully, God willing, I won’t. I have become a much more considerate and softer person thanks to my wife, maybe that’ll be enough.
I wouldn’t call any child, as a human, a disappointment, but I believe there are some rare occasions where their actions should be framed as disappointing.
Label the action disappointing, explain the reasoning that led to that conclusion, and explain how it could affect the future for both the parents and the child. Communication is key, and also try to leave some room for the child to grow. The less often you call something disappointing, the more powerful it can be, and can be used as a way to seriously correct behavior.
Yesterday I said to my son “I’m disappointed in you for not catching that fish” (he came so close to catching his target prize fish but it got away).
I felt pretty bad and didn’t mean it one bit, I just said it the wrong way around because i was exhausted. Then I spent the next five minutes explaining that I’m absolutely not disappointed in him and that he is an awesome fisherman and that what i really meant to say was that I was disappointed FOR him that he didn’t catch the fish that he had been trying so hard to catch for months.
eliI feel like this would be my mindset. Like you’re bummed out or disappointed that a certain action wasn’t successful, but you’re not upset with the person just the event in general.
My kids are still quite young but I’ve already had to catch myself mid-sentence and reword or rethink how I say certain things. It’s hard because at work we’re all cursing like sailors but at home we don’t want anything like that around the kids…to the best of our abilities.
No. That would imply belief in the kind of free will I don’t think exists.
mystrawberrymindYeah if they landed in jail and or did some heinous crime. But knowing me, I’d word it as “you disappointment me” instead. Like this is a moment in time and they can still change
Josey_WalesVariation on the theme: would you ever tell your child “You weren’t worth it.”
OP assuming you are asking for a reason, my view after some time is that when a parent make a statements like that it reflects more about the parent than the child.
OhStopYellingAtMeYeah, if he came home spirting a maga hat or a Charlie Kirk t-shirt or something.
I’m raising my kid to be smart and to care about others. So really I’d be disappointed in myself for not being a better teacher.
I’m raising my kid to be smart and to care about others. So really I’d be disappointed in myself for not being a better teacher.
Reminds me of the epic song…
All I all I all I all I, Want is, Just a little bread. Mama calls me disappointment, Papa calls me fat.
No.
Some people really seem to get something out of hurting other people. My best guess is that its a learned coping mechanism. “I feel bad so im going to make you feel bad and your response might fix whatever i feel bad about”.
The only appropriate response is that whoever said that is a disappointing human.
daggermoonHe don’t say it but I can see it in his eyes.
philanthropicoctopusI wouldn’t no. There’s only afew things he could ever do to justify those words, and even then, what purpose would it serve?
ℕ𝕖𝕞𝕠No.
I might, if what they did were severe enough, express that what they did is disappointing. But that’s different from branding them with the iron of disappointment-as-identity. Everyone does stuff sometimes that is worse than they aspire to be. The trick is coming back from it, learning and growing and changing.
I remember how it felt the day I asked my mom, after she had smacked me around a bunch and screamed at me for stuff she made up about me, “what did I ever do to you to make you hate me this much?”, and she screamed back “YOU WERE BORN!”
I was 12. No kid should ever feel the hopelessness and abandonment I felt in that moment.
Thanks. It wasn’t the worst thing she did, but it was particularly crystallizing.
I’ve done a lot of work on healing from it since. I’ve got a kid now, and it’s been healing to live every day in a way that shows that you totally can just love your kid and not have to treat them like that.
AzzuNo, but I would say something like “I am very dissapointed in you for doing X”. A kid can’t change who they “are”, but they can change what they “do”.
Those are the same things. You are what you do.
Correlation is not causation
we’re talking about people dude. we are not talking about scientific principles.
Yes we are talking about people. People can be held accountable for their actions and people can change their ways if they make mistakes. You’re saying that people cannot change. If they bought a tesla, they’re nazis, so fuck them.
I’m not saying any of that. But please keep telling me more about myself. Clearly you know everything.
That’s the point though. I’m not telling you anything about yourself. I’m telling you about what you’re saying. I’m not assuming anything about who you are or aren’t.
No, you are misrepresenting what I’m saying to make it look extreme and stupid. It’s called straw-manning.
😈MedicPig🐷BabySaver😈You are stupid.
SubArcticTundraI’d be quick to change my ways if Mr. Incredible said that to me
This is some really heavy parenting. I hope I’d never have to, but if it was warranted it would be very important that it was actionable. I.e., I’m disappointed in you because you’re doing [x] and you need to do [y]. It’s my job as a parent in this situation to communicate why and how to do better.
Jesus christ, no. If you ever feel like your children failed you it’s the other way around. That’s not how parenting works.
Yes even though it would be partially my fault if they’re racist, sexist , transphobia, join the military or police and so on, that’s a failure to raise them on my part and choosing to be a worthless being on their part.
edgemaster72I am the disappointing son but I’ll never have children so I don’t have to worry about that
Yes, assuming they have disappointed me.
It’s normal to express your emotions.
It’s normal to express emotions and it’s good to learn to first process them properly and then express them in a healthy way that is not harmful for others.
Yeah, no.
This ‘do no harm’ shit is nothing more than toxic positivity.
Pain is part of life. Learn to deal with it and stop trying to avoid it pathologically. You should feel bad for disappointing people.
There can be both toxic positivity and toxic negativity. It’s good to be aware you can do damage with words. It greatly depends on the situation and words and nonverbal language used. I also feel like saying you’re disappointed by the son’s concrete behaviour is ok, while saying he’s a disappointment (in his whole) is a heavy caliber - maybe the meaning varies regionally or something?
someone’s entire life can legitimately be a disappointment.
and they should be forced to acknowledge that. especially if they want to improve it.
Yep, that can be an extreme case where it could be used. I think it gets used by abusive or just clueless parents more often though.