Ich hab die letzten Tage keine Nachrichten gelesen, daher jetzt ein "the fucked-up news of the past few days, as told by a slightly hungover, aging communist fag"-🧵

1. "Dt. Klimabilanz: Immerhin dem Wald geht's besser"🤦‍♂️

Wie ein Arzt, der sagt: "Sie haben Darmkrebs, aber ihr Schnupfen ist besser!"
https://taz.de/Deutsche-Klimabilanz/!6162459/

Deutsche Klimabilanz: Immerhin dem Wald geht's besser

Die deutschen CO₂-Emissionen sinken nur minimal. Auch fürs Klimaziel 2030 sieht es nicht gut aus. Ein Hoffnungsschimmer ist der gesundende Wald.

TAZ Verlags- und Vertriebs GmbH

2. "Trump has expressed surprise that US allies in the Gulf have been targeted by Iran."

That headline made me snort with laughter, but there's also something serious in it: the Iranian regime sucks hard, but they did their prep-work for this catastrophe, and now have AGENCY.

Let's remember that.

https://dailypost.ng/2026/03/15/war-i-have-been-surprised-trump-opens-up-on-irans-strategy/

War: ‘I have been surprised’ – Trump opens up on Iran’s strategy

President of the United States of America Donald Trump has expressed surprise that US allies in the Gulf have been targeted by Iran. Trump described this as the 'biggest surprise of the whole thing.' Trump told NBC News that he is "surprised" that Iran has chosen to hit US allies in the Gulf in the

Daily Post Nigeria

3. "US oil groups in line for $63bn windfall from Gulf war disruption".

That's the sort of thing that makes capitalism so amazingly resilient & powerful: no matter what happens, no matter how many thousands die, SOMEONE's gonna make a buck out of it.

Credit, where credit is due - literally.
https://www.ft.com/content/37d49e35-8d0e-4ea6-9db8-74183101f204

US oil groups in line for $63bn windfall from Gulf war disruption

American producers will be among biggest beneficiaries if crude prices average $100 a barrel this year

Financial Times

4. Endlich geht's mit dem #Klimaschutz - also dem strukturellen Umbau der dt. Wirtschaft hin zu einer nichtfossilen, nichtwachsenden KreislaufĂśkonomie - so richtig los!

"Klimawandel in den Alpen: Die Bereitschaft zum Nichtduschen wächst"

🤣🤣🤣🤦‍♂️🤮
https://taz.de/Klimawandel-in-den-Alpen/!6161712/

Klimawandel in den Alpen: Die Bereitschaft zum Nichtduschen wächst

Der Deutsche Alpenverein will bis 2030 klimaneutral sein, der Ressourcenverbrauch der Hütten soll sinken – zum Beispiel mit Trockentoiletten.

TAZ Verlags- und Vertriebs GmbH

5. You can count on my beloved @FinancialTimes to tell you precisely where the Guillotine should fall:

"How to live the superyacht dream in the Seychelles: The 77-metre Aqua Lares once belonged to the boss of Google but a new owner is making it (slightly) more accessible."
https://www.ft.com/content/3c7a5f74-2346-4ce0-8e82-0cde26cc0d43

Client Challenge

6. Unpopular opinion: Habermas' late work was mostly a repentant ex-lefty telling the German bourgeois mainstream how to feel good about itself, without going through all that "transformation/revolution"-stuff.

Also: his theory of communication is wrong.

Still, rest in peace. It's been a long road.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/14/jurgen-habermas-german-philosopher-and-sociologist-dies-aged-96

JĂźrgen Habermas, German philosopher and sociologist, dies aged 96

Habermas’ political consensus-building theory argued formation of public opinion vital for democracies to survive

The Guardian

7. "Sie ruiniert Klima & Wirtschaft"!

Die grĂźne Mitte hat 1 neuen Beelzebub: Katharina Reiche. Die Arbeit, die bisher "die Lobbies" schaffen mussten (fĂźr alles PĂśse verantwortlich zu sein, das in D passiert), macht jetzt ein Mensch!

Sie ist die perfekte Projektionsfigur, weiß das, & nutzt es aus! Fällt doch nicht ganz so einfach darauf rein.
https://taz.de/Energiepolitik-von-Katherina-Reiche/!6157093/

Energiepolitik von Katherina Reiche: Sie ruiniert Klima und Wirtschaft

Der Kanzler sollte sich von seiner Wirtschaftsministerin trennen. Ihre Umfragewerte sind im Keller, selbst Energie-Unternehmen kritisieren sie.

TAZ Verlags- und Vertriebs GmbH

8. Fascism is the continuation of neoliberalism by other means:

"Trump administration to be paid $10bn for brokering TikTok deal"

As "democratic" means of concentrating wealth in the hands of the super-rich fail, other, more creative ways to take everything yourself have to be found...
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2026/mar/14/tiktok-trump-administration-10bn

Trump administration to be paid $10bn for brokering TikTok deal

Exceptionally rare ‘fee’ to be paid by investors who took control of US operations from Chinese parent company

The Guardian

9. & while we're all staring at the price of petrol & heating, the Israeli settler-fascist terror regime continues to commit war crimes, & we don't care:

"Israel killed 12 medical workers in a strike on a medical centre in south Lebanon. 31 healthcare staff have been killed over the past 12 days."
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/14/lebanon-israeli-rockets-kill-healthcare-workers

Israeli rockets kill 12 healthcare workers in southern Lebanon

The facility was attacked on Friday night, bringing the toll of medical staff to 31 killed in past 12 days

The Guardian

10. Bullies and assholes always expect someone else to clean up their shit. Believe me, I come from a class of bullies and assholes.

"Trump urges China, UK and Japan to send warships to open Strait of Hormuz."

"I broke it, now you fix it!"
https://www.ft.com/content/4dd2173b-b283-41e4-8dee-4f04919dea68

Middle East war live: Trump urges China, UK and Japan to send warships to open Strait of Hormuz

President’s plea for help comes after he told US jets to bomb Iran’s Kharg Island, deepening fears of protracted oil crisis

Financial Times

11. "Renewable jet fuel may face price war with China, warns top producer" - "renewable jet fuel", aka "SAF - sustainable aviation fuel is about a common and as a real as rainbow unicorn piss.

Repeat after me: there is no "sustainable" aviation. Full stop. https://www.ft.com/content/f498c0c0-38bb-4a02-a476-f28e1b0b98ec

Client Challenge

12. One of the few fun stories to watch: how Trump is ripping up his own #MAGA-power-base.

"Trump adviser calls for US to ‘declare victory & get out’ of Iran: Remarks by AI & crypto tsar David Sacks show anti-war sentiment in president’s Maga coalition."
https://www.ft.com/content/a85cb6eb-4b83-48bc-be34-fb76ef5989c3

Trump adviser calls for US to ‘declare victory and get out’ of Iran

Remarks by AI and crypto tsar David Sacks show anti-war sentiment in the president’s Maga coalition

Financial Times
13. "International law is in retreat. We cannot let it die" - one of those typical centrist hopium-statements: "I don't like that X is happening, so let me say loud and clear that I DON'T LIKE REALITY, AND WANT IT TO BE DIFFERENT. Now. With no stressful work that I have to do for it."
https://www.ft.com/content/aca77504-86cd-4df8-8dfa-8db349f3412c
International law is in retreat. We cannot let it die

Even defenders of the rules are speaking of them in the past tense. But they remain indispensable, argues historian Margaret MacMillan

Financial Times

13.1.

#Assholisation = the rise of vice signalling, performative cruelty & nastiness: "What is worrying today is the willingness of the powerful to dispense with even cursory attempts to put a legal gloss on their actions. The open contempt for the law is shown not just in words but in actions."

14. "FCC chair threatens to throttle news broadcasts over ‘hoaxes’ about Iran war

Brendan Carr posts that he may cancel spectrum permits of ‘mainstream news’ outlets for ‘misleading’ coverage.

The #NorthKoreanization of the US continues to proceed apace...
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/14/fcc-broadcast-permits-iran-war-news

FCC chair threatens to throttle news broadcasts over ‘hoaxes’ about Iran war

Brendan Carr posts that he may cancel spectrum permits of ‘mainstream news’ outlets for ‘misleading’ coverage

The Guardian

15. #Arschlochisierung, BaWü-Style: ein möglicher Minister in "Cems" Kabinett, "der parteilose Tübinger OB Boris Palmer, hat bekräftigt, dass er queeren Aktivismus als Gefahr für die Gesellschaft ansieht, der zu 'Blutvergießen' führen könne."

Lektion: WIR sind schuld, wenn WIR getĂśtet werden.
https://www.queer.de/detail.php?article_id=57207

Boris Palmer: "Übertriebener" queerer Aktivismus führt zu Blutvergießen

Boris Palmer hält offenbar Menschen, die sich fßr queere Rechte einsetzen, fßr die neue RAF. (Politik - Deutschland)

queer.de

16. "How Iran’s fightback surprised the US: Tehran has done more with less as it hit major targets around the Gulf"

I keep wondering: "don't Americans remember Vietnam?", & then realise: right-wing Americans DON'T remember Vietnam, verdräng it, because the symbol Vietnam means "our power is limited".
https://www.ft.com/content/0c085046-6cfa-4832-a764-d79f41225b1f

How Iran’s fightback surprised the US

Tehran has done ‘more with less’ as it hit major targets around the Gulf, but its firing has begun to wane

Financial Times

17. "Global oil markets are suffering 'largest supply disruption in history' due to war in Iran."

Now I get, warum die hopiumist*innen jetzt noch lauter ABER DIE ERNEUERBAREN rufen: der Iran-Krieg demonstriert die weiterhin ungebrochene Macht des fossilen Kapitalismus, durch unsere Abhängigkeit.
https://www.ft.com/content/32726bce-ec4e-4251-8f33-10c15806fbc6

Iran war is causing largest disruption in history to oil supplies, says IEA

Global crude output will fall to lowest level in four years, energy agency warns in report

Financial Times

18. #talkcollapse:

"Almost a third of main roads into Greater London, 40 per cent into Birmingham and more than half into Greater Manchester are at risk of being disrupted by river flooding."

https://www.ft.com/content/1536e0b7-5555-4ee6-85bc-8bdc62617446

The English roads at risk of being underwater

FT analysis reveals large swaths of vital infrastructure are vulnerable to flooding

Financial Times

19. These: Das Coming Out der #Arschlochgesellschaft = die Normalisierung schamfreier Menschenverachtung.

Beleg: "'Es ist wieder salonfähig, gegen Minderheiten zu hetzen', sagt Antiziganismus-Beauftragter."

https://taz.de/Antiziganismus-Beauftragter/!6156992/

Antiziganismus-Beauftragter: „Es ist wieder salonfähig, gegen Minderheiten zu hetzen“

Der Antiziganismus-Beauftragte und CDU-Politiker Michael Brand sieht einen gesellschaftlichen RĂźckschritt im Umgang mit Minderheiten. Er will positive Sichtbarkeit fĂźr Sinti und Roma.

TAZ Verlags- und Vertriebs GmbH
@muellertadzio Haha, ich dusche Ăźbrigens auch zuhause nicht, sondern halte mich an Waschlappen-Kretsche.
@Labonitamascota @muellertadzio Ich vermute bei den Vorrednern Kinderlosigkeit, da ansonsten der jugendliche Trend zur Badezimmerflucht bekannt wäre. (Setzt im ßbrigen genau zu dem Zeitpunkt ein, an dem die olfaktorische Belästigung sich wegen des Eintritts in die Pubertät verstärkt.)
@scheichsbeutel @muellertadzio Menschen dürfen ruhig nach Mensch riechen. ☝️
@muellertadzio "Duschen nur an hohen Feiertagen, vor Arztbesuchen oder wenn man bei einer neuen Liebschaft antritt" Max Goldt
@muellertadzio ein bissel spät 😁....aber das wird's raushauen. So wie Müll trennen und Clean Ups. Das wird den Planeten retten 🙃