Spycrab
Ummm.... Not really a question I thought I'd ever want to ask: how did y'all know? Like what let you know that you were a girl?
Mar 14 at 4:40pmWeb
Show threadAlice Mar 14
@spycrab read through gdb by accident

(Still idk if fully girl, but 100% not cis)
Show threadsoloMar 14
@alice @spycrab gdb being... the debugger?
Show threadAlice Mar 14
@solonovamax @spycrab gender dysphoria bible
Show threadSpycrabMar 14
@solonovamax @alice I thought the same thing lol
Show threadmjdxpMar 14
@solonovamax @alice @spycrab i thought this as well
Show threadLuna Dragofelis ΘΔ🏳️‍⚧️🐱Mar 15
@mjdxp @spycrab @alice @solonovamax same here, lol. tech brain does that.
Show threadCloverMar 15
@alice @spycrab gnu project debugger making people trans
Show threadAlice Mar 15
@[email protected] @spycrab https://genderdysphoria.fyi/
That's Gender Dysphoria, FYI

A resource for those questioning their gender, already on a gender journey, or simply wanting to learn more about what it is to be transgender.

That's Gender Dysphoria, FYI
Show threadⒶvebury Rosetta  🍉🏴🚩Mar 14
@spycrab Trying out being another gender in small ways to test the waters, then finding out it unlocked more of myself. Little by little I try more and more things, until I settle on some local maxima of gender-drived joy (in the Spinozan sense of joy)
Show threadkeyshooter   Mar 14
@spycrab realize i idealize the idea of being reborn as a girl, want to do girly stuff, want to wear girly things, list goes on
Show threadMitsuneeMar 14
@spycrab I keep remembering what should've been signs in my childhood, but after roleplaying a female character in an MMO daily for months and rediscovering that trans folk exist it just kinda clicked at some point, suddenly dysphoria started happening and I became interested in femme clothing outside of all the outfits I had collected in that game ​​
Show threadAmber Mar 14
@spycrab my friends used to call me good girl when i was an egg and i'd get this warm tingly sensation
Show threadSpycrabMar 14

@puppygirlhornypost2 ummmm...oh shit.

I may or may not be asking this b/c I kept getting called a 'good girl' in a discord chat

Show threadKirbyMar 14
@spycrab @puppygirlhornypost2 people used to tell me "you're a damn ticking time bomb you're bound to become trans eventually because you hang around them", and it means nothing to me because... i'm not interested in transitioning. don't let peer pressure bring you down if that's a concern
Show threadSpycrabMar 14

@kirby @puppygirlhornypost2 it's all a bit confusing. I don't feel particularly connected to masculinity or femininity

I definitely feel dysphoria but I've never really labeled it as gender dysphoria.

At the same time the number of circles where talks like this happen is an interesting trend.

Show threadmjdxpMar 14
@spycrab months of gender questioning
Show threadstandard issue dipshitMar 14
@spycrab Zhere Were Signs all zhrough my adolescent and early adult life but any doubts I had went away when I looked at myself in zhe mirror wearing a skirt and zhigh highs (yeah, I know) and cried my eyes out for a solid hour afterward because of what I was looking at
Show threadVisibly Stupid Fucking IdiotMar 14

@spycrab The fucking lockdown during the pandemic lol

More seriously, watching videos of transfem youtubers and talking to other transfems as well made me realize it. Their experiences were like mostly super relatable

Show threadSOwOphie ⠬⠆Mar 14

@spycrab

Let me quickly drop this: https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

💖 Turn Me Into A Girl! 💖

You could totally be a girl if you wanted. No matter who you are or what you've been through, don't let anything stop you from living as your best self!

Show threadperrito swagito (maligno) 💯 Mar 15
@spycrab when i was little child i dream of having boobs and then i instead grow beard and said "no"
Show threadla gⒶr☭a (it's actually spelled with an s not ç, sue me)Mar 15
@spycrab I knew I hated how I looked for most of my life, and things like starting to grow facial hair and stuff were particularly traumatic, but it took me finding r/traa to know that you could just. be a girl. that it was a thing that you could do.
Show threadla gⒶr☭a (it's actually spelled with an s not ç, sue me)Mar 15
@spycrab (also repressed memories about genital stuff but I'd rather not talk about that)
Show threadeestileib (she/hers)Mar 16

@autumn @spycrab

Yup the fact that all the memes there were super relatable was definitely a clue.

Show threadRaeve  Mar 15
@spycrab I didn't. I already "crossdressed" plenty, took lots of pictures, got bolder, saw one I recognized a genuine smile in.

And dressed exclusively fem for almost two years before having a breakdown wearing pants on my partner's birthday a day after scheduling an appointment for HRT.

Personal opinion: It's absolutely hardest to figure it out, at least that you're on the wrong hormones, when nonbinary. Even harder when potentially intersex. Maybe impossible of you have alexithymia too.
Show threadRaeve  Mar 15
@spycrab I feel like I just had lucky timing. They were already following WPath v8 a month early, so had me patches the same day. Woke up the next morning and just said 'Oh.'
Show threadCloverMar 15

@spycrab my answer will probably not be super helpful since I don’t fully remember how it started

I knew I wanted to be a girl from before I have solid memories, a lot of my earliest memories that I can recall include feelings of discomfort with regards to not being allowed to go play with the girls or being told I shouldn’t do things that are for girls etc, I grew up somewhere with extreme levels of gender segregation

I assume these stuck out to me as memories because they carried more emotional weight

though none of this was “realized” if you asked 7 year old me if I was a boy I would have answered yes, because that is what I had been told, even if it for some reason felt weird

when I was a little older I was praying to God to let me wake up as a girl the next day every night and stuff like that

though once again that isn’t a realization of what I am, if you asked me what I was I would’ve said a boy, I did want to be a girl, but that didn’t change what I was to myself, because I was not aware of what the concept of being trans even was

after that I went deeply into denial about it and “stopped wanting to be a girl” and tried really hard to be a man correctly for like 4-5 years

that obviously didn’t work work and I mostly found refuge in reading fiction where characters get their gender swapped and such

and through that type of stuff I started slowly learning about femboys, and trans people and such

then started out just wanting to be “more feminine” which turned fully into wanting to be a woman again after a while and this was the point where I started learning about what trans people actually were and gender stuff and such

so I would say, the answer is, a deep seated discomfort with having to pretend to be a boy/guy

I say “discomfort” but that’s a bit of an understatement since it made me suicidal as a 12 year old all the way up until I got on estrogen at 22

Show threadLeafy, Kylie, Skye 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️Mar 15
@spycrab a friend told me she feels like I'm a girl and I thought a lot about it
Show thread★ 凪鈴Mar 15
@spycrab I was laying on bed and it hit me like a sudden profound inspiration and since that I had basically zero doubt.
Show threadLuna Dragofelis ΘΔ🏳️‍⚧️🐱Mar 15
@spycrab What made me know: people on Twitter making me connect the metaphorical dots that cisgender cisspecies human boys' biggest wish is usually NOT "magically wake up as a furry catgirl"

I have thought of my soul as a catgirl for several years before that, but didn't realize that implied I'm trans and should transition. Maybe if society would have educated children about the options of transitioning, I could have gone on puberty blockers and wouldn't now be stuck dealing with the effects of an unwanted T puberty.
Show threadLunya 🌸 Mar 15
@spycrab i just sorta always knew? always just wanted to be a girl. And only cracked once i learned that i could just be one :3
Show threadRMar 15
@spycrab /r/traa shitposting
Show threadAušrinė :neofox::floofytail: Mar 15
@spycrab Somewhere along the way I got really curious about the sort of "what if I woke up as a girl for a day" type questions and I noticed my friends didn't care for the question as much as I did, but at that point I tried to ignore it and move on. Later, I wouldn't say I knew, but I knew it was a possibility. Like I remember asking the girl I was interested in if she could ever be interested in dating a trans person and I knew I was asking about myself, but I still didn't consider myself trans yet. Some sort of denial I guess. Eventually I realized that I was putting a lot of energy into fantasies about being a girl that I couldn't deny it anymore. Like I was probably fantasizing about it most nights after a point. Sometimes I still have my moments of self-doubt or second guessing, but then I notice that I don't fantasize about being a boy again.
Show threadwhutMar 16
@spycrab (nb, not a trans woman, but hey since you mentioned us i may as well give my input)

i've always felt less like a human and more like an incorporeal entity controlling a human body. then one night while drifting off to sleep the question just hit me: "do i really have to call myself a man just because the body is?" (a certain quest in warframe may have inspired this, i'd gotten into the game a few weeks prior)

probably would've realized way back in the mid-2010s if i'd been more aware of non-binary people. because there were signs. they were just harder to spot since they were about wanting to be androgynous instead of wanting to be feminine.
Show threadKimiko-obasan ⭐Mar 16
@spycrab Thought "huh, I'd like to be a girl" one day while watching a music video on tv. Then a few weeks later I saw an interview (also on tv) with a trans woman, and thought 'wow, so I can be a girl if I'm trans". Then I started researching how to be trans. And the stories (though being kinda sad, those being from the early '90s and all) resonated a little with me (mostly the yearning aspect; I later found better, more recent stories online that still resonated), so then I started doing the transition things, and that worked, so I guess that (both the doing that and the feeling better for it) confirmed that I was trans. It's been ~25 years and still no regrets, so yes, long-term confirmation too.
Feeling that I actually *am* a girl/woman is something that only gradually grew. It wasn't there at first, only a strong wanting to be a girl.
Show threadeestileib (she/hers)Mar 16

@spycrab

Hey, I've got this gender selector button. Only works once, but if you push it you'll instantly get a woman's body and everyone will recognize you as a woman. Do you push it?

Would you cross the road to push it? A mile? Would you push it if it took a few years to work, or hurt, or cost some money?

Show threadclang-enbyMar 16

@spycrab

Enby here: For me, it was kinda this intrinsic feeling that my AGAB didn't match my actual gender. That's all I can really say.