Nina Kalinina

Your periodic remainder that telling upset people to "calm down" is not going to help to defuse the situation.

As a side note, I suspect this phrase only ever works in a situation where a person in a position of power can use their powers to silence the other person. Without helping the upset person.

Mar 14 at 10:10amWeb
Show threadNikita LisitsaMar 14
@nina_kali_nina It can work if said politely and with care, to a person self-aware enough to realise they're overreacting / their current temper probably doesn't help solve the issue / etc, but that's an exceptionally rare combo
Show threadNina KalininaMar 14
@lisyarus I'm pretty sure there are better ways to do so. Heck, even "let's calm down" is probably better, because it assumes that both parties are going to work on calming down.
Show threadAprazethMar 14

@nina_kali_nina @lisyarus

- Let's take a moment to collect our thoughts
- What can we/I do to help you right now?
- (speaking kindly) Are you OK?

And sometimes, the best thing to do is to let someone go through their emotions, express themselves, and listen to what they are saying. Actually LISTEN. You'll be amazed what tends to happen when people realize they are being actually heard.

Show threadTed MielczarekMar 14
@lisyarus @nina_kali_nina yeah I would say something like "what do you need right now to feel grounded?" Or "is there anything I can do for you to help you calm down?"
Show threadhkzMar 14
@nina_kali_nina it's one of the most annoying things an upset person can hear.
In my case it also gives you the guarantee that if you silence me that way using power, I *will* remember and search for a way to sabotage you. Even years down the road.
Show threadMind ShamblesMar 14
@nina_kali_nina Maybe just 'is there anything I can do to help' ?
Show threadDJ🌞Mar 14
@nina_kali_nina "calm down" is the hygge version of "shut up".