Octavia Con Amore  Succubard's Library

https://cutie.city/@OctaviaConAmore/116203329452011161

the last line of this post has me thinking...

I know so many people that seem to have this... thirst for life, a drive to live and do, to build or discover, and I've always been envious of those people  it's always felt like I don't have a goal, that I'm not building anything up throughout my life, that I'm just sort of waffling through life  

and while the whole 30 years of being an egg (alongside the ADHD) was the cause of a lot of that, even in the years since transitioning, I still felt like I lacked drive to do things  

but... you know how we don't realise just how much a medication is helping unless we forget a dose? and then you take it and you remember "holy fuck, right, that's how it feels like without meds  "?

that's how it feels now  being able to perform for people, being able to see people happy or comforted by my performances... it's often not tangible, it's not something you can point to later like an engineer designing a bridge, or a game dev making a game, or a researcher pointing to a discovery, but...

comforting people and making people happy with my performances is my purpose in life, and I don't think it's ever been clearer to me 

#Vtuber #Musician #Musings

Octavia Con Amore :pink_moon_and_stars: Succubard's Library (@[email protected])

sorry if anyone missed the reading stream today :shiba_please: by the time I needed the fedi post, I'd already worn myself out getting the tech positioned around me in bed and couldn't muster the energy to, so I had to ask Vivi to do it in my stead :emolga_sweat: https://outerheaven.club/objects/3a6423d1-dd6f-4c00-a0c1-0c6936210d3c an hour of tech rehearsal + chatting, an hour of reading and chatting :frog_blush: overall a good stream considering my condition, that I was piterally streaming from bed lying completely down, and that my computer handling 90% of the streaming resources was literally 6.5m away from my bed :bugcat_nod: the facial mocap wasn't happy, but it did its best :psyduck_sweat: all the hardware and software did what it needed to aside from not being run ads from mobile (nor activatable by my mods), so everyone who came in had to endure pre-roll ads :sad_panda: with all that said, it just felt nice to be able to stream in any capacity again :shiba_love: not being able to stream wasn't killing me, but it was killing me :bear_shrug:

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Mar 10 at 11:04amWeb
Show threadEryn ❄️Mar 10
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Show threadFay 🏳️‍🌈Mar 10
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Show threadOctavia Con Amore  Succubard's LibraryMar 10
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Show threadhellebelleMar 11
@OctaviaConAmore But you have gone through tour transition and in my eyes, that proves you have plenty of drive to live and willpower.
I know it’s not as simple as that. That not transitioning would have kept you in a bad place - but still, I see it as a powerfull and courageous move.