I learned after my partner was killed that all the people I thought were close become more distant. Instead of people reaching out to be supportive, people were avoidant of the person who is sad and wanted a friend. I noticed it with each tragedy- my mum's suicide, my closest friends passing away suddenly and unexpectedly one after the other. And I noticed it again after the breast cancer diagnosis.

Death makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and feeling empathy makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and expressing sympathy or just being kind and supportive seems to make a lot of people feel uncomfortable. And a lot of people deal with that feeling by being distant or angry, even ghosting.

Society cares nothing for what we are or were or have been through, it cares only for what we can offer (AKA produce). This is a sort of intellectually pure capitalist notion that underpins a whole lot of social activity. This can be seen in our interpersonal relationships; people want stuff from us, and they want it irrespective of our history, bodily condition, mental state, degree of economic disadvantage, etc.

An important lesson that I finally learned is that these are their failings as friends and human beings, and not a reflection of my own worthlessness.