I half expected the micro-SD cards from A*Express to be fakes.

Yep.

32GB = 16GB
256GB = 4GB

I just had to buy them to find out.

Refund requested.

@linker3000 the more logically priced ones tend to be real, the $5 256GBs are usually bunk
@astraleureka Any suggested stores / brands?
@linker3000 just took a look at my order history, last place I ordered from (and got legit cards) is no longer available so no, sorry :(