Mastodawn

for this steam nextfest demo review thread, i will be tapping into Apollo's divine gift of prophecy and attempting to scry how people will be talking about these games in eight to ten months, when they are out. i'm partaking deeply of the sacred fumes and i'm attuning myself to the whispers of a phantom chorus

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

FORBIDDEN SOLITAIRE: your classier breed of streamer will enjoy this game, as will aging millennials who played a lot of CD-ROM games growing up (like yours truly). there will be UNHINGED discourse online over whether this counts as "an Inscryption-like". unfortunately, rinky-dink mobile knockoffs of this game that remove the unique graphics and narrative framing device in exchange for More Microtransactions will make approximately $1,000,000,000,000 more than this game https://store.steampowered.com/app/3414580/Forbidden_Solitaire/

Steam：Forbidden Solitaire

Forbidden Solitaire is a card-slashing horror game about unearthing the contents of a cryptic 1995 CD-ROM that should have never existed. From the creators of Ancient Enemy and Home Safety Hotline.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

ZERO PARADES: FOR DEAD SPIES: ohhh my god. the ratio of people who have An Opinion on this game vs. people who have actually played it will be fucking unreal. by pandering hard to Disco freaks (none of whom trust ZA/UM by this point), all of this game's positive aspects-- its clarified stat system, its more in-depth health mechanics, its intriguing John Le Carre-influenced burnt spy plot-- will not matter in the face of one question: is this Art, or just a Product?

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2863680/ZERO_PARADES_For_Dead_Spies/

Steam：ZERO PARADES: For Dead Spies

優れた才能を持ちながらも苦悩する主人公となって絶望的な任務に挑む、ストーリー重視の諜報RPG。壊れたネットワークのピースを拾い集め、「歴史の終わり」で絡み合う残虐な陰謀を解き明かし、自らの価値を証明せよ。さもなくば…再び、すべてが水の泡となる。

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

unfortunately the only definitive way to really determine this is to play it while critically comparing it to Disco Elysium, other texts ZA/UM's current and former creators have written on the topic of games and of the relationship between creativity and capital, and possibly just theory in general on making entertainment our current hyper-capitalist death spiral. congratulations. you are now officially a paranoid academic leftist with a broken heart. this is Disco's final, fatal gift to you

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

VAMPIRE CRAWLERS: this game will have two kinds of players:

1. Those who think it is, y'know, fine.

2. Those who are experiencing severe health symptoms from being nailed to it every waking moment like the cursed film in Infinite Jest.

there will be many, *many* mods for this on Nexus which replace nearly every asset in the game with a dizzying miasma of infantile, half-melted anime women. for the second type of player, this game IS sex.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/3265700/

Steam：Vampire Crawlers: The Turbo Wildcard from Vampire Survivors

世界を壊滅させるコンボで魔物の巣窟と化したダンジョンを突き進め！Vampire Survivorsがお送りするVampire Crawlers: The Turbo Wildcardは、ローグライト要素ありのカジュアルなターン制デッキビルダー。自分で組み合わせた手札で、TURBOTURNTM制覇に挑戦しよう！

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

500 CALIBER CONTRACTZ and CICADAMATA": These two share the same prophecy because they share the same fate: they are exclusively for edgelord transgender speedrunning submissives who have rewired the motion sickness gland in their brains to serve as twitch reflex boosters instead. i will not be playing much of these games myself, but i'm sure i'll be in a spit chain with many, many people who are, and who won't shut up about them during sex

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2571410/
https://store.steampowered.com/app/3817250/

500 CALIBER CONTRACTZ on Steam

A 3D-Platformer where you play as a contract killer and your eyes glaze over.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

i want to be clear though: the aesthetic decisions for these games are fucking flawless. i'm not wired for them, but. 500 Caliber Contractz's Options menu is styled like a DeviantArt page circa 2006 with little flashing 88x31 GIF buttons that say shit like "KILL THE PRESIDENT", and i'm sorry, but that's perfect. i predict i will be THINKING about these games a LOT

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

HELLSLINGER: I couldn't test this out because it's built in GZDoom and doesn't have controller support. it also appears to have been forged from a gonzo furry webcomic on ComicGenesis in 2006 and then shot forward in time, in some sort of reverse 12 Monkeys-style situation. the scrying pool's results are currently inconclusive. in this prophetess's opinion, though, no trailer i've seen has made me actually physically fist-pump in real life harder than this one

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2140540/Hellslinger/

Hellslinger on Steam

Blast your way through the hordes of Hell as you strive to reclaim your soul in this narrative driven FPS. You are Hellslinger, a master of the gun. Shouldn't be too hard right? All you've got to do is slay the Lord of Hell and stop his invasion of the mortal realm

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

TITANIUM COURT: this is it. this is The One. this is going to be the game that makes the entire indie game community fall in desperate hormone-addled-teenager-grade love with it. it will get snubbed at the Game Awards, and all of your jaded, snooty game dev friends will say this is further proof that old man Geoff couldn't find his ass with both hands. and they're right, too. your spouse or relative who Doesn't Usually Play Many Games will fucking ADORE this game.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2364580/Titanium_Court/

Titanium Court on Steam

A surreal strategy game for clowns and criminals.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 25

that's enough prophecies for now. the vapors are getting to me. more games on my list include Denshattack!, Pragmata, Hypnos, Calx and Luna Abyss; if you've got any other suggestions, feel free to lemme know

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

Okay enough doomscrolling for this morning. It’s time to re-enter the Oracular Caves of Gamer Prophecy and continue my Next Fest demo review thread! Last night I played some more BIG budget stuff, and the results were… whelming, mostly

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

PRAGMATA: After years in development, the cultural impact of this lush, zillion dollar triple-A game will be… in three years you’ll probably pick it up for six bucks in a Steam sale, or in one of those free Epic store giveaways. You got reminded of it from an Easter egg collectible in Resident Evil 9, and you’re sure you’ll get around to playing it eventually. Maybe. If there’s nothing better to do. https://store.steampowered.com/app/3357650/PRAGMATA/

Pre-purchase PRAGMATA on Steam

Capcom’s newest IP—PRAGMATA. An all-new Science Fiction action adventure with its own unique hacking twist! It is the near future, and protagonists Hugh and his android companion Diana, must work together as they make their way through the cold lunar research station.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

DENSHATTACK!: while this game was a little too twitchy for this prophetess to master, I have full confidence it will attract a truckload of quick-reflexed young scofflaws who are mere months away from having some very interesting revelations about their gender. At AGDQ, someone will set a new speedrun record for this game using a Densha De Go! arcade cabinet as a controller, and it will be the sickest shit you’ve ever seen. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2524850/Denshattack/

Denshattack! on Steam

Flip, trick and grind your train in a fast-paced, off-the-rails ride through a colourful Japanese dystopia. Outmatch rival gangs, wreck a shady megacorp, and take back the tracks with nothing but skill, speed, and style.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

CALX: People won’t remember this game, and that sucks, because it’s rock solid. There are no pick-3 roguelike aspects, there’s no in-depth, character-studded plot, there’s no addictive Skinner Box game loop. Twelve years ago, the pitch of “abstract Moebius-inspired Nier-alike heavily inspired by the works of Aphex Twin” would’ve been a slam dunk, but these days this game is gonna get lost…. unless some of you decide to challenge fate. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2022640/CALX/

Steam：CALX

ワープに汚染された惑星、サイロを駆け抜けろ。シーカーとしての動きを極めよ。ダブルジャンプ、ダッシュ、浮遊、グラップリングを駆使して進むは雰囲気漂う遺跡群。スキャンを実行し、謎を解きつつ、静寂と熱狂が押し寄せる緻密な戦闘に挑め。

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

SNIPER DAN: one of your friends or coworkers has a nine year old who will be obsessed with a bad Roblox knock-off of this game that lets you actually kill the townspeople. You debate explaining why this is Bad to his parents, but doesn’t that smack of “violence in video games” fearmongering? And are they really gonna care if you frame it as an issue of artistic integrity? They’re probably dealing with enough right now as parents. Jesus, when did you get so *old?* https://store.steampowered.com/app/2841650/Sniper_Dan/

Sniper Dan on Steam

Sniper Dan is a ridiculous, family-friendly 3D Hidden Object game with a big twist. Use a high-powered sniper rifle to solve low-stakes problems. Scope the scene, spot the problem, and shoot the solution. No violence. Just wholesome chaos and good intentions!

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

At the earliest opportunity you try and sit this kid down in front of Sniper Dan, an all-ages, nonviolent hidden-image mischief simulator, to sell them on the real deal. No dice. The kid immediately takes aim at the bulbous Playmobil heads of the humans capering around in the game’s diorama and pulls the trigger, one after the other. BANG. A window washer. BANG. A hot dog vendor. BANG. A woman riding a bike. Their heavy breaths whistle through their nose as their eyes stay nailed to the screen.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

The game doesn’t give them any satisfaction for this, no crit noise, no cranial firework of gore, and yet they remain fixated on their grim task. Now you KNOW you’re gonna have to talk to their parents about this, and there’s nothing a parent wants to hear less than a childless person telling them how they should be raising their kid.

Maybe it’s fine if you don’t. It’s probably fine, right?

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

HYPNOS: Jacob Geller will make a 45-minute long video about this, either alone or as part of an essay on megastructures in gaming. Citing both the works of Tsutomu Nihei and H.P. Lovecraft, this game’s two most obvious influences, he’ll draw some sort of parallel between this game and our postmodern culture’s isolation, trapped as we are within massive structures of inscrutable, ineffable authority. It’ll be a great watch! However, no one you know will play this game. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2861210/HYPNOS/

HYPNOS on Steam

HYPNOS is a first-person adventure and exploration game, set in a lovecraftian megastructure fever dream. Enter the Nameless City at the edge of Dreams. Follow the trail into the shadow of the Holy Mountain. Embrace your destiny.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

PHONOPOLIS: There are going to be people who loudly proclaim they will never, ever buy Zero Parades, not in a million years, but will sing the praises of this game's thoughtful puzzles and charming cardboard-crafted world. Make no mistake, however, these people are the REAL fake communists. This game demo has some of the most dumbfuck-blatant RETVRN-ass ideology this prophetess has seen in a game to date. Sucks that it's in a game that looks this good, but there you go. https://store.steampowered.com/app/1206070/Phonopolis/

Phonopolis on Steam

Phonopolis is a story-driven puzzle adventure set in a hand-painted 3D world made of cardboard. Solve a wide variety of playful puzzles and help Felix end the Leader's oppressive influence in a resonant dystopian city inspired by avant-garde art.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

LUNA ABYSS: Hey, speaking of megastructures! Shortly after this game comes out, a smut artist you follow will become intensely, feverishly obsessed with one of the little prison planet freaks in this game. They will draw so much wacky pornography of this obscure character, both in-universe and in their own AUs, that it will blot out the internet's collective knowledge of its gameplay or plot. The devs won't know what to do with this.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1933000/Luna_Abyss/

Steam：Luna Abyss

Luna Abyssは、プラットフォームと銃弾地獄の戦闘が満載のシングルプレイヤーで楽しめるストーリー駆動型アクションアドベンチャーゲーム。謎の預言と実刑に巻き込まれたルナの囚人Fawkesの旅を体験せよ。

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 26

PHEW, that's enough prophecies for today. We're in the home stretch! If I do any more of these I'm probably only gonna do one-- demos I have downloaded but haven't touched yet include The Mermaid Mask, Parasite Mutant, Jenny The Witch, Boost Vector EX, and Butler Guillotine. Again, if you know of any other interesting Next Fest demos you want me to pierce the veil between tomorrow and today for, lemme know 🔮

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 28

more prophecies coming soon, but i did get to play the Hellslinger demo, and i can confirm it fucking rips. doom sickos rejoice

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Feb 28

nothing it does mechanically is like "whoa shit" or anything, but it's a real slick looking, modern comic book-shaded game for running in GZDoom. also while you're shooting demons with your old west guns your player character occasionally hisses stuff like "KICK THE BUCKET ALREADY" or "IT FEELS GOOD TO KICK ASS". so like. perfect. no notes. love it

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

COUGH COUGH HACK WHEEZE. These oracular fumes gettin DANK in here. Time to wrap up this Steam Next Fest prediction thread, I have played SO many demos and I feel like I’ve sucked Apollo’s generous boon of 100% accurate foresight straight down to the dregs. Let’s get ON with it

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

PANTHALASSA: Great or possibly terrible news, depending on your tolerance for micro-fad aesthetics! This game will be at the vanguard of a rising tide of media signaling the triumphant return of seapunk. We’re all going to be wearing aqua-fuschia ombré booty shorts and flip flops and listening to trap music with dolphin noises in it all over again, only THIS time, we get to do it while playing this delightful fake-educational “edutainment” game. EEEEE EE E EEEE! https://store.steampowered.com/app/2955720/Panthalassa/

Steam：Panthalassa

Panthalassa は、水中の異星の世界を舞台にしたポイントアンドクリックビジュアルノベルです。プレイヤーは AI としてプレイし、自分の体の前の持ち主の記憶を解き明かそうとします。さまざまなユーザーインターフェイスを通じて、物理世界とデジタル世界が衝突する世界を体験します。

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

THE ETERNAL LIFE OF GOLDMAN: This lush, fully hand-illustrated and animated platformer will be heralded by critics as “a masterpiece of an indie game” and “an odyssey of life, death and legacy”. These critics will omit mentioning the one part where you have to set the one monkey on fire and then jump over it so you can slowly climb up a ladder just to get burnt to death by an enormous worm. They will gloss over this. BUT I WON’T. I’ll remember this shitshow forever. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2254950/The_Eternal_Life_of_Goldman/

The Eternal Life of Goldman on Steam

In this breathtaking platformer adventure, explore a vast hand-drawn Archipelago, inspired by ancient fables and depicted in classic frame-by-frame animation, and defeat a mysterious Deity.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

SPY DROPS: GAIDEN: Metal Gear fans who shell out for the Metal Gear Collection Vol. 2 will, once they’re finished with rekindling the singular cultural experience of MGS4, inevitably get curious about Metal Gear: Ghost Babel, the somewhat obscure Game Boy title. Most will toy around with it for maybe two minutes before opening up Peace Walker. But the few who are intrigued by it will find even more to enjoy in this streamlined but charming tribute! https://store.steampowered.com/app/4152490/Spy_Drops_Gaiden/

Spy Drops Gaiden on Steam

Infiltrate enemy bases and undertake a series of covert ops in thrilling, old school 2D stealth action.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

BOOST VECTOR EX: okay here’s a prediction: I’m gonna look like a twerp recommending this game when it comes out, because it LOOKS like an inane harem visual novel with a janky-ass racing game stapled onto it. And sure, maybe it is that, but it’s also got THE SLICKEST GODDAMN UI DESIGN OUT OF ANY DEMO I PLAYED THIS WEEK. These menus are PURE sex, it’s absolutely unreal. It won’t take off until someone mods Sonic characters into it, though. https://store.steampowered.com/app/3832030/BOOST_VECTOR_EX/

BOOST VECTOR EX on Steam

RUN FAST. Faster than any other. Take control of a Vector Master and sprint in uncompromising pure parkour racing. Hone your style with responsive, flowing controls and break limits in the Premier Vector World Cup. The race, your friends, and victory beckon your arrival... Did I mention it was fast?

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

RACCOIN: this will be a massive hit. Obviously. We all wish it won’t be, but it will. Northern Lion will attain enlightenment and become a bodhisattva as he lectures while spurting coins all over this slickly produced Skinner box. In eighty years time there will be a remaster that plugs straight into our neural implants; it will train humans on how to orgasm again after their endocrine glands have been ravaged by the Lootbox Wars. https://store.steampowered.com/app/3784030/RACCOIN_Coin_Pusher_Roguelike/

Save 18% on RACCOIN: Coin Pusher Roguelike on Steam

A coin-pushing dopamine machine. RACCOIN is a roguelike deckbuilder where you combine special coins with powerful items to trigger wildly satisfying combos. Stack shiny towers, spin the lucky wheel, and shake the machine until all the coins drop.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

M.O.L.E.: There will be a wave of games like these— you’re trapped doing a shit job on a janky, isolated vehicle, something’s gone horribly wrong, and it’s probably all your fault. Consider this a Cassandra’s warning to you: for the love of god, we’ve GOT to call them something better than “Mouthwashinglikes”. There has to be a better way. I’m sure Eastern Europeans will appreciate this specific game’s Slavic touches such as “lighting a yummy ciggie in a no-smoking area”. https://store.steampowered.com/app/4064510/MOLE/

MOLE on Steam

Pilot the MOLE, a monstrous post-war drilling machine built to descend deep below the Slavic soil. Fix failing systems, follow voices of the dead, and pray you can survive whatever is sharing your coffin. Will the vessel or your mind break first?

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

Waugh. getting too late over here. Surely it’s cool to just fall asleep on the oracular cave altar, right? Just gonna… just gonna lie down and… shut my eyes for a bit…….. totally cool…………snnnnzzzzzzz

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

bwuuUUUHH. Oh shit. Aw fuck. Lemme just. Lemme get some water or something. Shiiiiiiit

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

THE LAST SALVAGE SQUAD: on its own, this game is no great shakes, though its art style is real eye-catching. The next thing these devs on will be a bit more fleshed out and detailed, and it’ll go a little further. But the game after THAT? THAT one is gonna get some traction, because it’ll be stripped BACK. It’ll be some ultra refined Devil Daggers pervert shit. Stay in the game, friendos, the best is yet to come… https://store.steampowered.com/app/3551190/The_Last_Salvage_Squad/

The Last Salvage Squad on Steam

Battle enemy forces reminiscent of alien weapons from retro sci-fi works in this single-player 2.5D FPS.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

SCOTT PILGRIM EX: there’s something hauntological about how every work of fiction set in “The Present” inevitably becomes a period piece, right? Culture is still trying to pin down our nostalgia towards the dogshit 2000s, but Scotty P’s endurance as a franchise feels like, at this point, a totem of era-specific hipsterdom. As long as Canadians dream of a vanished, mythical time when indie rock ruled and Toronto was still affordable, Scott will endure. The game’s fine. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2640950/Scott_Pilgrim_EX/

Scott Pilgrim EX on Steam

Join Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers in a brand-new brawling adventure across space, time, and the streets of Toronto!

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

OEUF: not sure what to say here. I’m scanning the cosmic frequencies for future results on OEUF and the only thing I’m hearing echoing up from the back of beyond is “Apple Man…. TWOOOOO!!!” That can’t be right, can it? Have I been huffing fumes for too long?

https://store.steampowered.com/app/3831080/Oeuf/

Steamで10% OFF：Oeuf

タマゴとなって、転がって、跳ねて、滑って…家に帰ろう！３Dローリングアクションゲーム

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

VENICE AFTER DARK and BUTLER GUILLOTINE: two games that this sibyl could NOT get to work properly on her machine. The former, despite its charmingly wonky hand-drawn style, is thinly-veiled pro-AI propaganda; the latter is some sort of slow-paced, excessively janky performance art piece. One of these games will devour the other and immanentize a thousand year reign of either darkness or light, so that’s something to watch for as we head into Q2.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1933960/Venice_After_Dark/
https://store.steampowered.com/app/3617650/BUTLER_GUILLOTINE/

Venice After Dark on Steam

Discover a surreal Venice in this gripping point-and-click-novel-adventure game. Solve a variety of puzzles and chat with quirky characters to uncover the mystery surrounding the Stucky family. Find out what it means to be human!

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

JENNY THE WITCH: I was going to predict that this game would be a highlight for my friend @junebug, but then she jumped in and confirmed it for me. Using our combined divinatory powers, we predict that there is literally a 99.999% chance at least one of these devs comes out as transfemme within the next year. And like, yeah, we could be WRONG, but like. A robot witch with a jet broom? A cool girl in spandex menaced by another cool cyborg ninja girl? C'mon. C'mon,
https://store.steampowered.com/app/4180990/Jenny_the_Witch/

Jenny the Witch on Steam

Something evil is brewing deep below New York City and Genevieve Marconi has been hired to uncover it. Shoot and slash your way through an army of robots in this standalone story set in the Steel Carnelian universe.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

THE MERMAID MASK: I see a squalid huddle of Professor Layton fans, dejected and miserable, trudging down a rain-soaked street. A car drives by, drenching their coat, but they only pause a moment before continuing to plod along. Why did Level5 have to go fully AI-pilled? Where will they get their lushly animated gentle puzzle mystery fix now? A billboard for this game, reflected in a puddle of water, halts them in their tracks. Maybe... just maybe... it'll all be okay.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1696770/The_Mermaid_Mask/

The Mermaid Mask on Steam

An impossible locked-room murder: Captain Mortuga lies dead beside an ancient cauldron aboard the world’s strangest submarine, crewed by sketchy suspects. A handcrafted point-and-click with sharp humour and tricky puzzles. Dive into the next mystery from the creators of Tangle Tower & Crow Country.

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the illustrious IRIS JAY Mar 2

BURDEN STREET STATION: This game will resonate deeply with any young adults who see all conversations as putting on a series of masks to trigger optimal social responses. Tumblr will EXPLODE with art of this game. SO many OCs. SO many fanfics. NONE of them will be very good, but I think the kids should have their fun, so lay off, okayyyy?? (Kids, if you're reading this, remember I said this and don't come to murder me when I draw porn of Lydia and Memo banging it out.)
https://store.steampowered.com/app/3126340/Burden_Street_Station/

Burden Street Station on Steam

A surreal, narrative adventure game where you shapeshift during conversations to uncover how God went missing.