Reader, I have returned. It was beyond what I could have imagined. A large plush lobby, snacks, and warm towels. You think the bus loo will be a tiny closet of hell, but trust me when I say it’s Narnia in there.
Ok I’m going to dig into my EMT course textbook podcast backlog. First chapter for today is on cardiac shock. (Yes I’m studying to be an EMT. It’s my hobby. Someone told me I needed a hobby.)
It’s Pearson textbook ($200+) and the accompanying podcast is two AI’s talking to each other, basically reading the textbook.
As you can imagine, my course instructor has had about enough of me and my “critiques.”
Delayed by one hour so far! But the good news is SBARRO
The good news turned out to be very bad. And I am from rural New Hampshire and my pizza standards are accordingly very low.
So far we have had three announced delays, but only a sum total of 1 hour delay. But I think there is some frog-boiling going on here.
Also there is a big pub called "Boston Bruins" right across from my gate. Seems odd that the pub is the exact name of the hockey team, but I will probably check it out since I assume it's where the queer people congregate.
#HeatedAirportLest you think I am just lounging around with the gay hockey players, you should know that I walked from gate A10 to A17 which means changing levels twice, two moving sidewalks, and about 1.3 miles of straightaway. AND THEN I KID YOU NOT THEY CHANGED ME BACK TO A10!!! Why don’t I just sit at the bar like a normal person?? Why does every minute in an airport in which I am not at my gate deduct like 45 minutes off my life span???
You should also know that I did this with a bad back! One month ago I had a serious injury while MAKING THE BED (yes I am that old) and it hasn’t been fixed yet despite my physical therapist’s stabbing me with electrically charged needles. I am on steroids to try to survive this trip. But apparently they are the steroids that make you pee a lot rather than the steroids that make you buff. So here I am running around the airport like a fit woman which I am not. Ok let me correct that. I am running around like an unfit woman with a bad back who has to pee.
The end of this EMT textbook chapter is about how to recognize when someone is sooooo dead, you don’t have to try to resuscitate them. They actually say that we should not do cpr on a decapitated patient. I have concern for students who needed to read that in a textbook.
Sorry if this is too graphic for a cute travel thread. But I’m like one step away from being a main character on The Pitt so it’s to be expected.
Some members of the flight crew have shown up and are waiting with us. People are looking at them desperately like maybe they are prophets sent from another land who might carry news about where our plane is.
Somehow the energy at this gate feels like when everyone is listening hard for the first tremor of the sandworms in Dune.
Except there is a Dunkins here in the desert for some reason
The woman next to me is dressed the way anyone in a Boston blizzard dresses when they’re about to get on a plane to Minneapolis.
I was wondering how to work a Don DeLillo scene into this thread. Well the universe just delivered:
Man, to gate agent, “We are connecting on our way to Portugal.”
Man’s wife: “We are going to Puerto Rico.”
Man: “…”
I have been wearing a mask for 5.5 hours. If I were MAGA I would have asphyxiated on my own CO2 by now. 😅
I just took my noise canceling headphones off for a minute. In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, “Big mistake. Huge.”
I see a tunnel with a light at the end of it!! Am I dead??
I have boarded! Full plane, very germy, maximum fun. See y’all in the Midwest, punks!
Just kidding. Pilot just came on to tell us one of the engines is…I think he said…broke.
As soon as they FIX THE BROKE ENGINE we will be on our way, folks!
I am thinking of telling them I am an EMT in case they want me to have a look under the hood
Oh lord we’re still on the tarmac and they are handing out free snacks IF YOU KNOW AIRPLANES LIKE I KNOW AIRPLANES THEN YOU KNOW BAD SIGN
I see a guy with a wrench walking around down there. Like someone’s cousin offered to see what he could do
It’s weird how at this point like 99% of us would vote to just take off, bad engine and all, and just take our chances.
Pilot just announced another 20-30 minutes. Maybe. I digress from this lighthearted thread about delays and decapitation to say in all seriousness
American air travel is inhumane, and as physically and emotionally rigorous as almost anything.
And now I’m back to lighthearted posting when I say that they are testing the engine “by giving it a few good revs.”
😬
I don’t think the revs were good enough 🫤
Guy With A Wrench is now in the cockpit talking to the pilot (his cousin?). Seems like not a good sign.
Confirmed: the Wrench Guy could not fix it. They are trying something else for 20-30 mins and then I’m likely looking at deplaning and the complete annihilation of any spirit I had left in me.
The Apple FlightTracker says I am now “en route.”
Yeah, and Pilot Godot is at the wheel.
Godot just said the issue is resolved and we should be underway soon!
[Didi and Gogo dance with joy]
They just need to “close up the engine.” COULD THEY DO THAT FROM THE AIR PLEASE 😭😭😭😭
Still not in the air but logging off to sit quietly with my eyes closed and hum to myself
Oh lovelies! I had such a wonderful visit to the world of the golden gophers at my new university in Minnesota! But all good things must end so here I am at the Minneapolis airport ready to fly to Boston and we’re kicking it off with a special treat from Delta: a 3-hour delay! I’ve already done a 1 hour car ride, and we still have the flight, the 2 hour bus, and the final 1 hour car ride home. You know what this means? LIKE A GOPHER IN YOUR GARDEN THAT YOU CANT KILL THIS TRAVEL THREAD IS GOING TO CONTINUE TO EAT YOUR TIME
[thread management does not endorse the killing of gophers or any other irritating mammals, including those ruining our country]
It’s not exciting but I just took a quiz on diabetic ketoacidosis and I got a 96% so you’re only 4% likely to be out of luck if you have a diabetic emergency on my watch! Other than that this airport is pleasantly boring.
Bought a cute Minnesota loon resistance magnet at the craft booth in Terminal 1. It’s cool because it’s both anti-ice and also reminiscent of stupid Canadian wolf bird. Score!
I have been here so many hours, and every hour the kind gate agent moves me up one row, so I’ve now left lavatory land! If I stay here eleven more hours I’ll be in first class, bitches!
@actualham But if it takes 13-14 hours, then you'll be in cockpit and flying the plane! The ultimate travelogue!
Robin DeRosa
Econproph