Mastodawn

My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
It's a feature that I would regret.
I just need a way to wash my pants.
Not show them to the Internet.

My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
I'd value that least of all.
It's already shielded from getting too hot.
It doesn't need another firewall.

My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
That is just not useful for me.
I want a place to chill my food.
Not chat via TCP/IP.

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Tim Chase Feb 28

My microwave is clearly best.
It's never sent a SYN request.

It might cook food unevenly
but doesn't need DHCP.

No updates needed, no network jack,
for nation-states to come and hack.

If power blinks, the clock will flash,
but remote attacks can't make it crash.

When your app's site decides to close
I'll still enjoy my burritos.

@neil

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R.L. Dane

🍵

@gumnos @neil

I just want to give a wedgie to the guy who thought it was a good idea for microwaves to continue beeping AFTER you've already opened the bloody door.