Mastodawn

🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄)

#Poll time for the **femme-folx** of Fedi!

What are your **least** favorite terms that guys have called you?

Select all that apply.

Inspired by this song: https://song.link/s/4WlhzerIL5guAHW64gPMA0

(this is a non-exhaustive list of things I've been called in the past couple years, feel free to reply with more if your least favorite isn't an option)

Angel

6.7%

Babe / Baby

11.2%

Beautiful / Gorgeous

6.9%

Darling

5.3%

Dear

4.7%

Doll

8.3%

Empress / Goddess / Queen

7.5%

Girl

5.9%

Honey

5.3%

Lady

5.3%

Love

4.7%

Momma / Mommy

14.4%

Sexy

6.5%

Sweetheart

7.1%

Poll ended at Mar 1 at 2:26am.

Mommy Issues by Cloudy June

Listen now on your favorite streaming service. Powered by Songlink/Odesli, an on-demand, customizable smart link service to help you share songs, albums, podcasts and more.

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Goddamn I can't handle sweetheart from a guy. Just one and I'll almost snap.

Willow, Venus Pirate 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 28

@alice I’m ngl, I dissociate most of the things they actually say when they are being gross.

@alice The ones I didn't check are mostly because I've somehow not gotten them before/yet.

EndlessMason Feb 28

@raika_amaris @alice
I like your ears.

@EndlessMason Thank you!

EndlessMason Feb 28

@raika_amaris
No, thank you!

@alice
Where I used to live there was a Japanese woman in my friend group named Mami, and I felt awkward saying her name.

But feeling awkward is pretty typical for me.

Juniper 🏳️‍⚧️🌲Feb 28

@alice the only one of these I can recall getting from a guy is "girl", but the context was him yelling it from his car while he followed me down the street, so that was... not great

Lou 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 28

@eruonna
🫂
@alice

🍄slow learner, ❤️‍🔥deep feeler Feb 28

Basically, if men could just not use names anywhere near me that would be great.

NaraMoore ⛩️👻八尺様👻⛩️ at Fedi Feb 28

Addendum: Bro and dude

(And then to be outraged when I call them out.)

@alice I’m going to make a face and nope pretty hard with any term of endearment that feels unearned.

Like if I’m being called a goddess, that supplicant better be actively in the process of dutiful worship.

And if I’m getting angel’d and they’re not trembling in awe and not a small amount of fear, then they’re clearly being disingenuous.

Also, point of… whatever:

getting a “hey mami” hits with distinctly less maternal ick than mommy/momma. I mean, I still don’t wanna, but it’s WAY less icky. 😅

@SaucySwampHag
Yes! I was trying to figure out how to frame it. I missed the poll, but still wanted to answer.

I've been called all of these by some and been okay with it, and I've been called all of these by some other people and been very averse to it. Tone, context, and the person makes a big difference.

My least favorite terms that a guy has called me isn't on the list (because it wasn't in English).
@alice

MinmiTheDino Feb 28

@alice I think I’ve only really been called “dear” or “honey” by older women in like government offices and I have to admit I love it.

But being addressed by men is basically universally disgusting. One of my favorite things about walking about with children is I am just no longer perceived at all. Glorious.

Matilda Love Feb 28

@alice i don't get out enough in fem-presenting mode to get much of this kind of attention, but i'm picturing a cis guy i don't know calling me any of these, and..

i can honestly say holy shit i hate that. i feel icky just picturing it. "girl" and "lady" and maybe "honey" might be relatively acceptable, but the rest of them, oof D:

Sablebadger Feb 28

@alice def not that target here, but if I ever hear a dude call a woman "Mommy" that is not actually his mom, we are going to have words.

That is just creepy. I mean most of the list can be creepy with very little effort, and I will likely have words in those cases, but Mommy is right there at the top. Just ewww.

Aria.DNE [grim]Feb 28

@alice "doll" has always yucked me out. Especially when cis people starting calling us (trans femmes) that.

Talisyn Tailfeather Feb 28

@alice In the series "The Prick", the main character consistently calls his wife "Mammy" as a term of "endearment".

It is sooo creepy and cringy.

brielle bouquet v2 Feb 28

@alice it's all context dependent. a cis guy i dont know could call me any of these and it's ick. but my gf could call me almost any of these and id shiver a little

Glowing Cat of the Nuclear Wastelands Feb 28

@alice The challenge for me with this poll is it's less about the terms, and more about who says it. A stranger using any of these is creepsville, but someone I'm in a happy relationship would probably be able to take his pick.

Persephone Feb 28

@alice

Momma mommy ive blocked people for here. It's in a pinned post that I hate it.

Empress, goddess, Queen is a little more tricky for me as I use Empress as a title when being a dominant. The other two are nope, and Empress from someone not actively submitting would also go badly

Dear is particularly infantilizing to me as my mum uses it a lot for my brother and I so from anyone else it's going to be an issue.

Fi 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 28

oh wow I don't want a guy to call me any of those

Joris Meys Feb 28

@alice
I miss the option "I'm a man and want to know if I've been an arse the whole time"

EndlessMason Feb 28

@JorisMeys @alice
This kinda feels like one of those "search within yourself" type situations

Joris Meys Feb 28

@EndlessMason
It was a joke, but yeah no. Joking aside, the intent doesn't always match the reception. Context matters, and there are people who are born with reduced social awareness.

For example, my students generally appreciate me as a lecturer, but my bosses don't like to send me to meetings where diplomacy is needed. Also, I do call my students "ladies" (or "gents") at times because "kids can you kindly shut up?" might be a bit harsh.

Joris Meys Feb 28

@EndlessMason
All that just to say that while I truly believe it can be unpleasant, one shouldn't assume people are necessarily aware of how things come across. I like to be told "that was awkward for me" because that's my only way of knowing. "Searching within myself" does fuckall.

Ok, I do know that "momma" is unlikely to be appropriate in most situations. So there's that

'love' is definitely a British thing men say a lot. Whether as a greeting like 'alright love' or to smooth a directive like 'sign there love' or as an outright prick move like 'cheer up love!'

I hate hate hate it. I always call them love back but with a subtle sneer.

Blue Witch Gwen Feb 28

@alice I wouldn't know, I don't read femme still, or being fat turns people off, or something.

Earthshine Feb 28

@alice enby here so poll maybe not meant for me but while most of those strike me as various levels of cringeworthy, if I hear *anyone* calling *anyone else* "sweetheart" I get downright angry about it. I think I've been called that once and it was an instant block from me.

Averil ✒️ DoomBloomArt Feb 28

@alice Pfffffff goddess/queen/empress is the ONLY way a guy should ever address me

(no I hate every single one on the list)

@alice My kid calls me Momma. There is nothing¹ sexy about that term to me.

I think an interesting upshot here is that I'd be a lot more permissive with what a femme person calls me.

I have opinions™ about "Darling²". I think it's a fine and dandy gender neutral term for anyone I'm on vaguely good terms with. I accept that I'm weird and don't use it as freely as I'd like.

¹My wife gets an exception for complimenting my parenting. Compliments are hot.

²Imagine Morticia Adams saying it.

@alice Anything that is infantilising - just....no.

Momo 🏳️‍⚧️

@alice never liked and never will when it comes to mommy

EndlessMason Feb 28

@alice
Those jerks keep calling me "see results"

myrmepropagandist Mar 1

@EndlessMason @alice

Sounds like AI bro bs.

EndlessMason Mar 1

@futurebird @alice
Oh no, are they back?

myrmepropagandist Mar 1

@EndlessMason @alice

They went somewhere? That sounds amazing. I keep suggesting mars.

EndlessMason Mar 1

@futurebird @alice
I think they've given up on Mars... They're complaining about how hard it is to get to the moon and suggesting that maybe that's good enough

myrmepropagandist Mar 1

@EndlessMason @alice

That will do. When do they leave?

EndlessMason Mar 1

@futurebird @alice
Surprisingly their communication style makes it difficult to nail down a specific date

Woozle Hypertwin Feb 28

@alice Outlier data-point here: I haven't been positively identified as femme enough to have encountered any of these, to the best of my recollection. A good day is when I get "ma'am" or "she/her" instead of the binary opposite.

Puella Lupina Kiki ⚸ Lupae Feb 28

@alice I’ll take anything on that list over “sir.”

@alice ‘Sir’ 🙄

myrmepropagandist Mar 1

Huge fan of "lady"
can't stand "miss"

@futurebird @alice it bugs me irrationally when teens call me "miss" at work. always has me feeling "this is a library, I'm not your teacher". but I guess teachers don't necessarily like it either

myrmepropagandist Mar 1

I've never had a white guy call me "momma/mommy" do they even do that? I think I'd mostly be confounded if that happened.

From guys who aren't white it doesn't bug me. Though context and tone are key.

Thinking more about it "Love" is bad news. No matter who says that one.

@futurebird @alice huh! i have several friends who call each other 'love' all the time, with a positive and friendly connotation. I'm surprised by how much of my experience is different from other folks here. Then again, I am pretty oblivious when people are trying to be mean to me. (Edit: that is all between women and enbies, so it's a very different context).

myrmepropagandist Mar 1

My husband and I call each other "dear" since we are deeply corny people. For a few years some of our friends rolled their eyes but they gave up.

myrmepropagandist Mar 1

I love little old men who call everyone under 50 "sweetpea"

Susanna the Artist 🌻Mar 1

@alice Oddly, I haven’t been called any of the names that would bother me other than “beautiful.” I have been told I’m intimidating, though. Fine with me if guys are too afraid to call me pet names!

Erica Briony.Mar 1

@alice I guess I'm still new enough that it's always a novelty to even be acknowledged. I do (and as an Australian this happens of course) *fucking hate* "mate"

@alice Outside of my spouse, I don't think I've ever been called any of these by men.

Radio Free Trumpistan Mar 1

@alice
I'm pretty sure this poll is in reference to men that one is not attached to.
I'd like an All Of The Above option and add to that list Toots.