Spot the problem
I've never had suspension go both sides at the same time before. That's a new one.
My money is the subframe failed
I was really looking forward to going for a drive today too 

Hard to think through the solution to this.

In the event it is the subframe, to get it fixed would probably mean a long time paying it off.
I can't just scrap it and get a banger because I need adaptions to legally drive, which would probably be about the same if not more than the subframe for what I need.
Scrapping it and being without a car means a total loss of independence since I can't navigate transport most days.

Basically 'welp, I'm fucked' in all directions
@babe did that fail _in place_, when it was parked?