my roommate's new Microsoft Surface Hub is running a wacky version of Windows 10 that popped up a "You need to download something from the store to support this file!" message when I tried to run a win64 exe.

HOW DO YOU MAKE A WINDOWS THAT DOESN'T SUPPORT RUNNING EXES?

that's an insult to computing, you glorified program loader
and this is an x86 computer here, not some weird ARM nonsense.
it's running "Windows 10 Team edition", a very specific and weird SKU

It's the most infuriating and useless version of Windows I've ever used.

and for context I've recreationally run Windows ME before. My autobiography is being written on Windows 95.

It's my roommate's Surface Hub. It's a 3 or 2S, we're not 100% sure yet.

https://digipres.club/@gewt@treehouse.systems/116122905249248331

Simulacra of a girl (@[email protected])

Attached: 1 image surface hub

Treehouse Mastodon
we are currently trying to update it into usefulness
It's a whole different interface to Windows, very mobile-like. You can get File Explorer but it can't view stuff outside your home dir and external drives. There's no windows->run and seemly no task manager on ctrl-alt-delete

oh and it uses a tiling window manager.

here's a video showing the UI:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9nAwiS-m_4

Windows 10 Team Edition Demo!

YouTube
We're feature updatin'
the official MS docs say that the way you get into UEFI on this one-button device is that you turn it on using the power button, then when it boots, you turn it off again, then turn it on again
repeat until it goes into uefi

and when you're using the recovery tool, you have to stay in the room

cause it'll go to sleep if there aren't any people in the room, and that'll interrupt the download

Well we updated enough that it knows it's fucked
The first option it gives you is "buy a newer one"
The second option is "use the automatic update" which hasn't worked for three months

the manual update says you should get two 32gb flash drives.

the first drive will have the Microsoft Teams Rooms on Windows (an environment built on Windows 11 IoT) recovery ISO

and the other 32gb flash drive will contain a 3 kilobyte certificate file

I'm gonna stick the cert on a floppy disk and see if that works
I should have a USB paper tape reader. 3k isn't too long on tape
also if it turns out Microsoft has somehow broken USB floppy drive support on this 9k$ paperweight I'm going to drive up to redmond with a hammer and take apart their HQ brick by brick

okay I was wrong, it doesn't just need a 3kb certificate file, you have to use another app to build a DFI update image from that.

so it needs a 15kb file

The file is on a disk now
And I've got an iMac flavored floppy drive to read it with
And we're installed! Apparently the UEFI on this thing does indeed support USB floppies!
Dang it. The floppy was fine, but it's not happy with my 32gb usb drive
huh. I was looking at the UEFI settings and they put "occupancy sensor" under "Radio".
It's not a camera?
there's a recovery image from Microsoft I'm downloading through the Windows 11 Tool but it's downloading at like 0.1 millibytes per slow
@foone That's faster than usual, they must have upgraded.