Johannes ヨハネスFeb 22
mathew

The orphan-crushing machine is just a tool. You can also use it to mulch puppies and purée kittens.

Why are you angry? You can use it for harmless tasks like making mashed potatoes. You eat mashed potatoes don't you? Yes, admittedly it leaks machine oil into the potatoes, but they're working on that. It leaks so much less oil than it did when you tried it three months ago. In a year from now it's going to be a Michelin-starred chef.

Well, that’s typical, gatekeeping by telling people they should have to learn to cook. You don’t think people who can’t cook deserve good food?

So what if the machine is powered by slave labor? That's innovation. You're just scared you're going to be one of them. Besides, it's inevitable. Nobody is going to crush orphans by hand any more. You're going to get left behind.

Oh, well there you go with your ridiculous purity culture again.

Feb 21 at 3:21pmWeb
Show threadAlex FeinmanFeb 21
@mathew Well of course it crushes the potatoes using orphans. It's right there in the name. But they're all crushed up now, so it hardly counts, right?
Show threadJeff AtwoodFeb 21
@mathew purity is overrated on all sides
Show threadPete Alex Harris🦡🕸️🌲/∞🪐∫Feb 22

@codinghorror @mathew

It's a poor substitute for clarity.

Show threadRuss SharekFeb 21

@mathew

*applause*

Show threadEveryday FreethoughtFeb 22

@mathew
"In a year from now it's going to be a Michelin-starred chef."

You have been saying that for about three years now.

Show threadAaronFeb 22
@EFreethought @mathew literal chef's kiss on this one
Show threadJørnFeb 22

@EFreethought @mathew I was really craving mashed potatoes that one time, and the instant packets were sold out (they always are since this came out)

So I tried it. And it made super good mashed potatoes at the first try! I think it’s Michelin quality already! This is the future.

When I tried again the next day it tasted like rotten fish. Must have prompted it wrong, I’m still learning.

Show threadAmro has beenFeb 22
@EFreethought @mathew
I wouldn't wish a Michelin-starred chef on anyone working in a kitchen. It's like... *squints* working for a billionair
Show thread64 mastodonz logistics co-opFeb 22
@mathew you slaves are going to have INCREDIBLE mashed potatoes, just you wait!
Show threaddr_barnowlFeb 22

@64 @mathew

<looks down at press release>

Oh, right *ahem*

You're going to BE incredible mashed potatoes. Just new weights.

Show thread((( Geekosaurus )))Feb 22

@mathew I'll just leave this here.

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1080

A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

Free kindle book and epub digitized and proofread by volunteers.

Project Gutenberg
Show threadHollieKFeb 22
@kahomono @mathew Swift didn't write an instruction manual.
Show threadF4GRX SébastienFeb 22
@mathew this is infuriatingly real
Show threadOzzelot Feb 22
@mathew oh, but you can put a smaller version of the machine in your home and twiddle the knobs that determine how exactly it crushes the orphans! that's much better! it's practically like raising a colony of penguins!
Show threadGernotFeb 22

@mathew @frankrausch Ah, I get the metaphor!

It’s a Thermomix, right?

Show threadDec [{()}]Feb 22
@gernot @mathew @frankrausch
Known in Australia as "The Little German Death Machine":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yr_etbfZtQ
The Katering Show – THERMOMIX

YouTube
Show threadJuli JaneFeb 22

@dec23k Whoah, the two are amazing. Thanks for the link!

@gernot @mathew @frankrausch

Show threadDec [{()}]Feb 22

@julijane @gernot @mathew @frankrausch
The "The Katering Show" Show can be enjoyed bite-size, in sequence or out of sequence. There is no narrative arc across episodes or seasons.

I knew about it on the day s01e01 was released, because I was following one of their collaborators on social media.

A few years later they made "Get Krack!n", which took aim at early-morning television shows (with more guests). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_Krack!n

Get Krack!n - Wikipedia

Show threadDec [{()}]Feb 22

@julijane @gernot @mathew @frankrausch
And (nothing to do with The Kates) "Rostered On" is an Australian mockumentary about working in retail, mostly set in a large electrical big-box store. Was exclusive to Netflix, but it returned to YouTube after a few years.

Keep an eye out for the chef from the nearby café in season 1.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rostered_On

Rostered On - Wikipedia

Show threadyesFeb 22
@mathew @janboehm
Show threadΩ 🌍 Gus PoseyFeb 22
@mathew 🏆
Show threadMike Farley Feb 22
@mathew it's democratising orphan-crushing.
Show threadJesseBotFeb 22
@mathew I wish I could pin this to my own profile.
Show threadVincent Sparks 🔜 FurlingameFeb 22
@mathew Yes, I *know* I said it would be a Michelin star chef in a year two years ago, but it's really going to happen this time!
Show threadVincent Sparks 🔜 FurlingameFeb 22
@mathew But with microwave meals I don't have any creative input! I don't get to choose what I eat!