bnoDec 26

Hey Mastodon I ned some help.

An increasing number if people in my life are becoming #conspiracytheory nutjobs and I don't know what to do.

At first it was just one or two peripheral friends so I could just stop talking with them or ignore the crazy stuff they said, but now its closer friends and family.
Does anyone have any good resources or tips on how to handle this?

I know a fair bit about the theories as I have been interested in them for a long time, but it has been from a debunking POV since nothing ever seems solid enough to warrant any belief.
This knowledge doesn't seem to be relevant though since "you can't reason someone out of an oppinion they didn't reason themselves into".

I would appreciate any and all input on deprogramming techniques, support groups etc.
Feel free to boost for visibility.

Thanks in advance 😚

Show threadEm Dec 26
@bno @elduvelle Sadly, I fear this problem will be growing exponentially in the coming months and years, with the way commercial social media platforms are becoming increasingly designed for manipulation and addiction. And especially considering their current owners.
Show threadGillesDec 26
@Em0nM4stodon @bno @elduvelle All agreed, but I developed at least a slightly more satisfying way of dealing with such talking. I have been trying to be actually listening on an emotional level and to try to respond accordingly. I've heard myself saying stuff like (not literally, not to hurt someone) "So are you afraid that someone close to you develops autism because of a vaccine. I can imagine that is scary." You don't need to add "I don't think there is a reason to be afraid". The person knows this, and is just happy that you heard them. And you didn't say anything that misfits your own beliefs, staying true to yourself.
Show threadEl DuvelleDec 26

@gilles
What is the point of saying this though, if it doesn't even challenge their beliefs? Is it just about keeping everyone in their comfort zone? Have you seen people change their minds after this kind of non adversarial conversation?

(Genuinely trying to figure out the best way to do this, whether it is for conspiracy theories or racist / transphobic comments and the like, which I think are quite similar on some level)

@Em0nM4stodon @bno

Show threadArianne BDec 26

@elduvelle @gilles @Em0nM4stodon @bno For me the benefit of that approach is that I am able to stay in relation with them a little longer.

Also sometimes when a tense/anxious/scared/angry person feels heard or seen or validated they will relax a bit - as other posters are saying, it can be helpful to attend to the person's emotions rather than their ideas/position. If they do relax it can open up space in them for other things e.g. what's important to me. But for sure this doesn't always happen - depends on what's going on for them.

Show threadEl DuvelleDec 26

@adb @gilles @Em0nM4stodon @bno

I guess I would like to know how often the "soft" approach changes the person's mind vs directly confronting their ideas. I don't see how the former can work if they are not exposed to alternative ideas, keep reading the propaganda and keep being validated by their friends and family...

Show threadArianne BDec 31

@elduvelle @gilles @Em0nM4stodon @bno Well for me the soft approach doesn't change the person's mind, and it's not intended to. Rather, it's intended to soften their defences and perhaps see themself or what they're doing or believing or saying in a slightly different way.

I reckon most bigoted ppl are pretty scared by alternative ideas cos those ideas threaten them in some way. And they will frequently see specific sorts of ppl as representing those scary ideas e.g. queer ppl, POC, disabled ppl, etc etc. Hence they feel an impulse to defend themself from the scary ppl/ideas/possibilities in life by attacking their representatives or attacking the ideas directly. Attack is a common form of defence.

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Show threadArianne B

@elduvelle @gilles @Em0nM4stodon @bno

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By me validating what they're feeling - just validating the feeling directly as something they're experiencing, and validating it in a way that indicates to them that for me it's perfectly valid to feel that - this demonstrates to the person a new way to relate to what they are experiencing, cos I'm indicating I'm not fazed by what they're feeling, and what they're feeling is perfectly ok. They might shift to "Oh it's just ok for me to feel that - I don't have to make up a story about bad ppl or enemies or whatever in order to justify feeling it."

Like I say, this def does NOT always work! And it has a much higher chance of success in a continuing relshp e.g. with a neighbour or family member or work colleague.

I try this approach when I get sick of beating my head against the brick wall of trying to change the minds of ppl who resist that.

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Dec 31 at 7:45pmWeb