Ysengrin Blackpaw 🔜 AnthrOhioHaven't seen tonight's film before, already queued it up to the film's title and ... um, yeah. I'll comment when the time to start gets here.
It's time! Go! Go! Go! Walk like an Egyptian, etc., etc., etm.
Astro stock photos! Stock photos as far as the eye can see, slowly panning with a weak soundtrack. We get the production companies out of the way, and throw up the film's name.
In a happy, bold, dancing sans-serif. It's so ... jovial. Overlaid on yet another stock photo, this time of the pyramids outside Cairo.
More stock photos of various Egyptian ruins as we run the rest of the titles.
And our first, actual shot after an offscreen earthquake is a light bulb swinging on a cord.
"Ankh-Vanharis" sure, let's go with that, and all the cheese skeletons standing in for mummies.
We brought the whole stone sarcophagus, opened, back to America. Think there was smuggling involved, but whatever.
Oh, and they were in King Tut's tomb. Even better.
Yeah, just rub that green stuff on your arm. It's (likely) harmless.
"Ready, Aim, Fire" is standard X-Ray procedure.
None of those are standard canopic jar heads. Oh, and a loosely hidden secret compartment in the sarcophagus.
Stash the incriminating x-rays where they can come back up later when needed.
So, the titular monster is a mummy with a light bulb in its chest?
Well, that fungus escalated quickly!
"Today we are unveiling this mummy which we stole from the tomb of Tutankhamen."
I like how the dean jumps immediately to a frat stealing the mummy.
oh, I get it. That's supposed to be time-walker-mummy-o-vision.
The officer has a groovin' set of eyebrows.
The fungus doubles in size every 65 minutes. Does this mean we're going to get a 60-foot mummy?
We have a coffee maker!
Sherri seems to have trouble using a knife and fork.
Baby's got a time jewel.
"Oh, it's so warm"
Baby meets walker mummy. Sheri meets walker mummy and dies. Almost dies. Gets fungus on chest.
We use a big "CLOSED" sign and a hand-written note instead of police tape or crime scene tape. Don't ask.
We'll burn the fungus off with lasers!
Ah, so Tutankhamen died due to contact with the Time Walker's fungus. Interesting take (and why didn't Tut have a fungus-laden mummy?)
Oops, that call to not x-ray the girl was a little late. And why is the x-ray machine set up in a storage room, anyway?
Two police officers run screaming from a storage cabinet filled with rats.
Oh, sorry, campus security. Who can now recognize the alien fungus on a door frame.
The time walker does not walk as much as glide.
We are now in the frat costume party portion of our film.
The time walker likes to watch.
"Power Drain Is In Reactor Building" with blocky character graphics and flashing colors. Sheesh.
The time walker has this personal relationship with the moon.
Doug has jumped to the conclusion that Ankh-Vanharis and their fungus are aliens.
The six-thousand-year-old diagram on a bit of unknown material is found to be some sort of radio circuit diagram, using symbols kinda like modern circuit diagrams.
I shall swallow my disbelief.
Microfiche! We're actually using microfiche!
Her arm has swollen up in panic and she can't get the bracelet off (which was eaily removable before).
Susi know has the huge, pictish birthmark covering half her face.
*now has*
The "computer" alarm for the electrical system is really annoying.
Ah! The incriminating x-rays have turned up!
I must have a slightly different cut - no bare breasts, and the crystals barely make any sound at all.
Again, time walker likes to watch.
Yes, yes, we've all seen the shower scene in Psycho. Get on with it.
Holy electric codpiece, Batman!
The alien wears Lee Press-On Nails.
TO BE CONTINUED ...
You know, the music is *really* underwhelming throughout the whole movie. You only notice it over the credits.
No coffee drinking. No smoking (that I caught, at least). The dog doesn't die, which is something.
Technically, tonight's film had a plot, acting, and staging. It was just all rather heavy-handed and uninspiring.