My xmas daydreams, if only there was a family gathering where "tam" wasnt in a position to boss me around because she is often the hostess.
And family wont let me discuss why I stay away.
I miss seeing some cousins and especially grandma.
Sad ness is xmas here.
I have this nack for seeing reoccuring patterns and the pattern with "tam" is her interruption of any conversation I happen to be enjoying, she buts in, disrespects me sometimes, claming I'm disrespectful for talking to someone more than five minutes...
As if she has her senses tuned into .... Green is happy? I must put an end to that!
I havent enjoyed many xmases because of that one cousin. Grrr. I stay away because she sucks the joy out of me for over a decade.
I regularly talk with one relative among the two dozen relatives who could get together each xmas... 'Tam' is hostess again so I wont be doing xmas this year. Her being hostess seems to give her powerful justification to boss anyone around as she is the hostess.
I hold back tears thinking of missing seeing Gma once again.
Real names changed in respect for a narcisistic cousin I wish to never see again.
I still have some grains of sand of respect for people in general.
They loathe me talking in public about anything! They think it's awful to share anything public that is done in the home like holiday cooking streams, wasnt allowed to talk about Twitch or Ark for more than a few minutes, cause tam would butt in and manipulate me into shutting up.
Tam was cruel, and sneaky about it too. Get bent cuz.
Fam is probably happier without me the weirdo who is often depressed.
Of course I was dad and whatever, Cousin would break me up from any point I'm actually having a good time.
I have no idea why she scolds me so. I may never understand.
Probably because she is very narcisistic and I'm autistic... our types clash pretty badly. She gets to show off how good she is, and I get shamed out for being sad.
Saps my joy everytime, when she makes me stop talking.
Green Roc Thoughts